Sex Relationships Books

This book was suggested by a friend. I found this book to be dead on for some issues I was dealing with.

I have read many books on anger and for couples who have distorted anger, this one is the winner. I also recommend the book "Getting Over getting Mad", by Judy Ford. It explained the importance of anger in our lives and how it "is an indispensable emotion, which when used productively allows us to develop ourselves and our relationships. Its only "when anger covers up pain and fear", that it "clogs our energy, dilutes our joy, and keeps us off track, going in circles, making no headway. Instead of helping us, anger becomes self-defeating." The book has ideas for managing anger in a positive way.

I found the situations to be almost as if she wrote this book about me. Everyone in a relationship needs to read it. May help cut down on divorces.

I never received the book.Hot Monogamy: Essential Steps to More Passionate, Intimate LovemakingI never received the book --- still waiting.

As an MFT Intern, dealing with conflict in the bedroom is an area that any therapist dealing with couples should be comfortable discussing. This book gives great guidance on what to say, how to approach it and gives the therapist numerous self-reports (questions could be used to guide discussion in sessions)and homework suggestions to acheive a more fullfilling intimate life. It has just as much to improve communication as technique.

This is an awesome book and is cheaper than a marriage counselor or sex therapist. It has actual written and oral (no pun intended) exercises to help couples get back in touch with each other.

by Felice Dunas. Patricia Love makes some good points when she says that a couple should address their sexual issues LONG BEFORE they decide to get into therapy.

Read Dunas's book also. While Dunas' book is very sexually explicit, dealing with the ancient Chinese approach to great sex- yin/yang energy moving - she is very practical she even has a sample monogamy agreement included for couples.

After eight years of marriage, I found Dr. Love's book to be a truly practical, intellectual and stimulating (pun intended!) guide to a more passionate, intimate love relationship. Be sure to share this with all your friends!

I must have been confused about what this book actually was when I bought it. I thought it was a book for my child to read. It is more like a manual for me. It is more like a "What to expect when you are expecting" type book for your child's teenage years. It is mostly just common sense information.

This book is an outstanding, balanced, funny and abundantly helpful tool for parents wanting to facilitate healthy, open conversations about sex and sexuality with their kids. As a single mother to a seven and a half year old son, I am so relieved to have the tools to start and hopefully continue a dialogue with my son as he approaches puberty and grows into a young adult. Whatever your values or beliefs, the book will help you more effectively discuss and explore them with your toddler, your child, your adolescent and/or young adult.

Having younger children you don't quite know how to broach the question of "mommy why do boys pee pee out the front" with this book not only do I realize that the things my kids do are normal, but some really good advice on what type of answers to give them. Plus I feel more prepared for every stage of my child's sexual development. This book is in an easy to read and entertaining format.

After seeing how may people have given this book 4 and 5 stars, I feel I'm going against the current. However, I do have to point out that if you are a Christian, and want to find an appropriate way to talk and teach your kids about sexuality, this is NOT your book.
I bought this book because I was brought up by parents who were very uncomfortable talking about sex, and I didn't want to repeat the mistakes they made.
However, may of the ideas this book professes to be "normal sexual behavior", and therefore should not be "interfered" with, I don't agree with. There has to be a middle ground between not talking to your kids about sex, and allowing them to "play doctor" with their friends because telling them not to it may give them a distorted sense of sexuality. Some of the talks that this book recommends you have with your young kids are frankly inappropriate.
I find that the way this book recommends you handle sexuality with your kids is the reason why so many teenagers are having sex, and at a very young age. It didn't help me to figure out how to explain to my kids that what they are feeling is normal, but that they also need to wait before acting on it. Where is the book that helps us Christians to teach our kids how to handle our sexuality? This book certainly isn't it.

While a good, solid resource by two learned academics, I was a bit disappointed w/ this read, which seemed to spend more time trying to be witty than actually getting to the "meat" of the info. Not meant for parents with "conservative" family values, this book is jam-packed w/ stories, some which seem exaggerated, in its attempt to be edgy (which to some may be read as crass). The authors clip over developmental changes of boys and girls at almost too fast a pace, making the work not as thoughtful as it could be. It also overly generalizes children's responses and behaviors. Overall, it's difficult for readers to pull out important info.

My kids are 7 & 10 and I am starting this series with them, beginning with this book. We recently had a baby and this, of course, sparked many questions. They giggled through some of the terminology, but it's important to me that we talk about this within our family so that when they hear "things" from other kids, they'll know the truth and will open up to us about what they've heard. I didn't think that the C-section was too much, as one reviewer mentioned. The author was just covering all of the ways babies arrive. I also did not mind that the book mentions that "Someday when you marry, you won't have to be private with your wife." I explained that the Bible even says that when you marry, your body belongs to that person and that person only! This book is great if you are looking for words to begin conversations about how babies are made, and emphasizes how God made girls and boys different, and both very special.

After this sentence...."Then He took a little tiny piece of Daddy's body and a tiny piece of Mommy's body and made you! That is why you look a little like me and a little like Mommy." My daughter perked up, "Oh! So that's what happened! But I wonder which piece of Daddy God used?"

So on to the next book...

I'm not a TOTAL prude, but my NINE-year-old is not quite ready for this book yet, even though it is intended to be for ages 3 to 5.

The majority of the book does talk about just what the baby is doing inside the mother, how he gets OUT, etc., and I'm totally fine with that. I like how they use the proper terminology, although I'm not a huge stickler for that. In our family we use more "childlike" terms, but nothing off-the-wall. It doesn't bother me either way.

But I do NOT feel that a 3-5-year-old is ready for even hints at how the baby got inside the mother in the first place. If the child ASKS for anything beyond "God put him there," that is one thing. But this book plants that idea that there is more to it, and I'm not comfortable with that.

"Then He took a tiny piece of Daddy's body and a tiny piece of Mommy's body, and made YOU!"

"And God made your body private. Mommy and I still help you take a bath, and a doctor might check every part of your body, but except for that your p*n*s and a girl's v*g*na are private. [I'm OK with these sentences but not the next one, not for this age group anyway!] Someday when you marry, your wife will be the only person you won't have to be private with at all."

I do like the fact that bre*stfeeding is expressed as something normal, natural, and good. And as I said, the authors did a great job of explaining what the baby does inside and how he comes out (even a c-section). But because of the 2 sentences I shared, if I were to read this to my child, I would have to do some heavy editing, because my children are not ready for that information yet.

This entire series is great for introducing sex in a godly way from a young age. I have found them to be informative, honest and clear about the importance of sex being saved for marriage.

The main concern I have of this book is the way that it portrays childbirth. The reason we purchased this book is because my pregnancy was rousing questions of where babies come from, how they get inside a womb etc from our 5 year old daughter. The author of the book portrays that a normal childbirth is a scary surgery (complete with drawing) and although our daughter knows that sometimes(rarely) women need surgery we did not appreciate a surgical birth drawn and vaguely described as the only birth info. If I had wanted to educate her on c-sections, there are plenty of books out there written by those who have had them - for women, men, and children.
I would actually reccommend a different book for this age group (3-5)on this topic and I would reccommend the 2nd book in this series (before I was born)very highly. The second book in the series, although for children ages 5-8 (our daughter is in between both of these age groups which is why I ordered both books), not only beautifully and tastefully describes sex between a married couple but also describes and illustrates childbirth as something that mothers bodies are made by God to do and does not focus on what could go wrong. (i.e. some babies are born without brain development but when purchasing a book on normal life, one wouldn't expect to see and read about it there).
Luckily for us, the authors fully stand by the content of their books and our money will be refunded since we weren't happy with it. I hope my review is helpful to those discerning the purchase of this book.

I bought this book to assist me in explaining the facts about marriage,sex and having babies. I admit the book gives an excellent explanation of how life should be, however as a single parent who is divorced,I naturally had to supplement the explanation to my kids because unfortunately their family life experience is nothing like the child's in the book. Their father is only a part of their life sporadically, he left before the last one was born and the first one was only a little over a year old so they have no recollection of "Mummy and Daddy" as a loving unit. Unfortunately, single parenthood is not the odd occurrence, it is unfortunately becoming the norm these days.What I have done is explain to my kids that although the book does not reflect their life, the book reflects how it should be. God intended for it to be how it is described in the book and also I emphasize the point of marriage first, sex after, then kids.
A good book overall, if prompts my kids to at least ask questions that is even better.

I came away from reading this book with mixed feelings. On the one hand I think it holds some excellent pieces of advice for young girls who are wondering about sexuality and its complications. It encourages abstinence which I wholly agree with and gives advice to women who are scarred from past sexual sin. On the other hand, I felt a sense of great sadness for Lisa Bevere and the scarred women she is writing to. I always have a hard time relating to people who have made such mistakes because, by the grace of God, I managed not to make them. I think this is a very good, if sobering book for anyone to read, not only for the excellent advice, but because it gives a glimpse into the kind of mindset women are left with when they allow themselves to fall into sexual sin. I always notice the difference between women who have relatively pure pasts as opposed to women who don't. The women who have stayed pure always seem to have retained a sense of innocence which the women who made mistakes lack. They are happier, more comfortable in their own skin and less legalistic much of the time. Women who have made mistakes often suffer from guilt, (as Lisa points out) depression, and are more inclined toward legalism. They associate things with their past sin which unscarred women would never think to. (For instance: I can watch a James Bond movie and never once feel a pang of regret OR the desire to be like the women in it.) Read this book no matter what age you are and learn a sobering lesson from its author. If you are thinking of falling into sexual sin, please, please reconsider. The consequences are all right here in this book. You don't want to live with them.

Whether you are a young girl wondering if all the hype about "saving yourself" is really worth it, or a woman who chose another path and now wants to get rid of the shadows that choice left behind, this book will help you.

So many lessons give us the rules without the reasons, and Lisa compares that to a parent's response to a child's nightmare. She says, "It would do no good to shake my finger at my child and tell him the rule that there's no such thing as monsters. Instead, I sing him a song and give him something to dream about." The rule is purity, and one of God's main reasons for wanting us to be pure is so He can communicate better with us. He wants to sing us a song and give us things to dream about. Lisa states that "God wants us to be wholly free so we can be wholly His."

This book also accompanies a teaching by Lisa called "Purity's Power" and power with God is the main reason for keeping pure. Women need to see just how much power we have and just how often the enemy wants to strip it from us. Often, we allow the enemy to strip our power by exposing us. Or we strip it by giving it away to someone who does not cherish it. But that's not the end of the story. My favorite thing about this book is how Lisa teaches us to keep the power we have and to regain the power we've lost.

If you are a mother who is having trouble coming up with reasons to inspire your daughter to purity (or whose daughter has turned a deaf ear to all the speeches about buying cows vs. free milk), you'll find plenty of new inspiration in this book. If you are a woman with shadows in the bedroom, this book will show you that God looks at you with a love that can dispel every one of them.

As a 43 year old woman with no daughters, I thought I was only reading this book to prepare for teaching a group of Missionettes at a local camp. I never realized how much healing and strength it would bring to me personally. I recommend it to every woman who believes in God. It will help you to see yourself through God's eyes, and it will help you see other women and girls you may need to teach or mentor through His eyes. And if you can get a copy of the audio or video of "Purity's Power," I would recommend that as well.

This book is about:

How to gain freedom from all the lies you've been told about your sexuality.

And since author Lisa Bevere is very well able to speak for herself, I will let her:

"And why, why, why would I write a book on the virtues of sexual purity when it appears nobody is really interested or listening? And to whom would I write? In answer, this book is for daughters in waiting. It is for mothers to remember. It is for every fallen one who longs to be lifted. And it is for those who've kept themselves, to know and fully realize their reward and be encouraged to remain strong.

"This book is a letter from a generation of mothers and mentors who have known regret, to the daughters of this generation that they might be kept from our failures, and inherit the promises and not the pain. It is a tool for mothers who feel they can't tell their daughters no because years ago they themselves said yes.

"This is not a book of do's and dont's ... it is a book of restoration. A glimpse at how God sees things, a revelation of His original intent. Some might call it an impossible fairy tale, but I believe it can be true. Rules will never set us free, just as fear and control will never keep us safe. It is truth that frees us, one that looms larger than all the lies presently surrounding us. Truth is the dawning of morning where there has been a gross and long night of darkness filled with horrible disappointment and despair ....

"Why have I told you this? Because I believe God wants to tell you a bedtime story, to rock back to sleep what's been so rudely awakened. One to softly lull passions back to a place of waiting and resting in slumber, a story to restore to a dreamlike state what was awakened before its time. A place where fears are calmed and hope is restored. A haven where shame is not permitted, and everything is fresh, new, and clean as flowers after a spring rain."

-- pp. 10-11

This book, if you let it, will take you on a journey from shame to restoration.

And that's the power of purity & a clean heart -- which only God can provide to the fallen, amen.

Reviewed By Bethany Regattieri


This is book is absolutely fantastic. EVERYONE should read it. It teaches about being Pure and following God because we are all his children!

It has truly inspired me to be a better person. I have heard Lisa Bevere's talks on "Purity's Power" and reading this book has given me the confidence to stand up for what I believe in and not let anyone make me feel less of myself. We are all BEAUTIFUL IN GOD'S EYES. I can see the change in myself and I thank you for spreading the message Lisa.

I Recommend this book highly!

I received this book as a gift and read it out of curiosity to see what the Christian fundamentalist community had to say about sex.

I'm continually astounded that contemporary people fail to comprehend the significance of the social and historical contexts in which the Old and New Testament were written. The concept of female sexual purity, while marketed as a moral injunction, is in actuality merely a way of insuring legitimacy of offspring in an era when people had no access to birth control, did not understand female fertility and the concept of once-monthly silent ovulation, and had only a rudimentary grasp of the mechanics of conception - conflated with religious law.
The one-size-fits-all, "just say no" approach to human sexuality, while appropriate for minor children whose moral development, discernement, and life-experiences have not caught up developmentally with their fertile physiologies is a resounding non-answer to adults, who must either marry, or by default be automatically condemned to a sexless life of involuntary celibacy - or suffer "automatic damnation" should they elect to experience a healthy, adult sexuality outside of marriage.
It is virtually impossible to cultivate a healthy realtionship to one's burgeoning sexuality, neither unduly mystifying it nor unduly profaning it, in a religious culture of arbitrary suppression, guilt, secrecy and shame based on anitquated notions of female sexuality.
A marriage ceremony is not a permanent blanket endowment - but rather, a daily, ongoing process of re-dedication to the sacred intent of the relationship. Marriage in and of itself neither automatically "sanctifys" nor renders consensual each sexual encounter - our civil law recognizes that rape can occur even within marriage. Likewise, who may realistically deny the transcendent deep communion and love which may be present between those who are unmarried ?

Didn't someone famous say "Let those who are without sin cast the first stone ?" ...

As for the author, the writing is clumsy and the observations are trite and puerile. I was curious about her qualifications and was appalled: no formal theological education, no background in counselling or marital therapy - in short, the awkwardly-written exhortations and opinions of one woman. How did this get published ?

Jenny does a wonderful job of articulating seemingly every facet of the journey a person makes to open relationships. I wish everyone would read this book - even those that don't want to have an open relationship can at least come to a much better understanding of those that do. But for those that are "open" to the idea, this book presents a very compelling case for a higher-level of happiness, and is therapy for those needing help over personal hurdles.

This book does an excellent job of weaving Jenny Block's personal journey and an overview of the arguments for and over open marriage. Although I suspect women might find more in it than men -- it is written, after all, from the women's perspective -- I recommend it to men, who will come away with a better understanding of the possibilities.

Jenny Block should be recognized, especially with this work, as not only a voice for open relationships, but also as a voice for society and what it means to love, and to do so without judgement. This book is far more than a "how to" guide for getting your partner to have a threesome. No, it is a practical guide and, in essence, a diary of Jenny's own struggles and emotional roller coaster throughout her life and the struggles of being a woman in the 21st century and being in an open marriage in the process, and all the judgements and stereotypical connotations that goes along with it. I think Jenny should be applauded for her efforts in shining a light on and being an almost spokesperson for people who have alternate lifetyles. With a graceful, descriptive, and almost unwavering voice, she lets you know the intracacies and ins and outs that go into an open relationship without perverting it with explicit details. Coming from someone who is in the infancy stages of an open relationship, I can tell you that it was more than a relief to find this book. In a world filled with judgement, fear, and hatred, to have someone like Jenny putting her name on the line for so many, is a rare commodity these days. I thank Jenny for writing this book, and I will continue to reference it as my own questions about my relationship arise. Bravo Jenny.

If you are married and have ever entertained thoughts of being with others, I urge you to read this book. For years I struggled with these longings to spend time with other men besides my husband. I have a great life, 2 great kids, a nice home. Why do I have these feelings? I was sure something was horribly wrong with me. Finding Open,Love, Sex and Life in an Open Marraige, by Jenny Block made everything crystal clear to me. I discovered, the terrific news, that nothing is wrong with me! I am a normal and healthy human being. I am no longer ashamed of my feelings, I now understand them. This book is a quick and easy read. I finished it in 3 days. My husband now has better insight into my feelings. Our marriage is now beginning to take a new direction. A healthy, open and honest direction. Because of this book. we are having our cake and eating it too, we've not been this happy in sometime. Thank you Jenny for writing about something few care to discuss, or even admit. I am forever grateful to you.

In this heartfelt book, the author elaborates at length on some of the difficulties and contradictions of conventional, monogamous marriage and the solutions that an open marriage provided for her and her husband. A factor in the appeal of the book is that the author is not "far out"; she is basically the girl-next-door.

Strictly monogamous marriages based on love have become widespread only in modern times. That development has placed considerable pressure on marital partners to meet the many needs of their partners throughout a lifetime - an impossibility for many. Sexual roles for young females are confusing: how are they to be both seductive and virginal or upon being wed to abruptly lose interest in men after being encouraged to play the field. These difficulties and contradictions give some understanding to the high divorce rates and widespread infidelity prevalent in our society.

The author, as do most women, fell sway to the notion that there is one perfect man for her, which would then permit her to enter the state of house wifedom and motherhood - a rather sexless state to be sure. But after marriage, her interest in others did not diminish, nor did her love for her husband. An affair gone awry forced her to persuade her husband to try an open marriage. After various forays with different partners, her marriage has stabilized with her acquiring an exclusive girlfriend and her husband remaining monogamous.

The author readily admits that establishing and maintaining a successful open marriage takes considerable effort. Virtual total honesty is required of both partners, as well as emotional maturity, feelings of security, and coping with inevitable jealously. She fittingly refers to her husband as an "egoless man." It certainly would have been interesting for the author to comment on whether men or women are more tolerant of open marriages. Is there any truth to "hell hath no fury like a woman scorned" or taking a backseat to another woman? Actually, the author admits to feelings of jealousy early on in their arrangement. Perhaps not insignificantly, her husband is not sharing her with another man.

The book does leave unaddressed any number of questions. She claims that her stronger libido is the primary basis for her need for more partners, although she has shifted more to a desire for another relationship. One wonders if this is not really more a case of marital mismatch than a basis for an open marriage. She does not really deal with the issue of actively seeking other partners, perhaps online, versus more inadvertent meetings. Being thirty-something, how will this or a similar arrangement be working at age sixty-five? Also, her young daughter seems to be largely unaware of her marital arrangements, but obviously there is some potential for problems. And there are legal issues. Common law spouses do have legal rights, but how do the courts deal with both a legal spouse and an alternative spouse? Her repeated reference to the lack of any biological basis for monogamy is unnecessary. The question is there a sociological basis for monogamy beyond the expected moralistic reaction?

The book is an interesting look at alternative marriages. Married partners do meet other people where there may be considerable attraction. Can or should marriages honestly accommodate such. What we have now is rampant dishonesty.

how can a man possibly know secrets for women. this book is demeaning towards women from what i saw on the morning show with mike and juliet.

i would rate it less if i could.

Excellent Book! This book is so full of insights into the world of women and marriage. Written well, with humor and intelligence. Recommend to women and couples.

Scott Haltzman has written an easy-to-read, easy-to-understand guide to changing our own behavior to help improve our relationships. My husband read the book for men and attended one of Scott's workshops for men. He found both to be entertaining and useful and has implemented several of the strategies. I loved the book for women - it takes complex material and translates it into strategies and coping skills that can have an immediate impact on couples. As a marriage educator, I welcome Scott's work as a wonderful step for couples looking to help their relationships.

What a great book! I was sold after reading the title. Even though I know marriage takes work, I'm always for finding out how to work smarter, not harder. "The Secrets of Happily Married Women" was an easy, informative and sometimes controversial read. As the author of "Help! I'm a Newlywed...What Do I Do Now" and a wife, I love reading about marriage and taking in different points of view. This book is one of my favorites because it's filled with straight-forward, simplistic advice that really makes sense. Even the chapter titles are right on point -- Talk Less, Have Lots of Sex, Take Charge of Your Own Happiness -- and my personal favorite, the Epilogue: When Mamma's Happy, Everybody's Happy.

The authors do an excellent job in showing the differences between how men and women think; and how to use that knowledge to improve your relationship. If you're striving for a happy marriage, this book is a must read!

I knew nothing of this book when I first purchased it, but I am very pleased with the information provided and have noted very positive improvements in an already good marriage. By pointing out the intrinsic differences between men and women, the author makes you aware of behaviors that lead to failure, and in that awareness alone the interactions change. Aside from that awareness, the author provides low-key, non-dramatic suggestions for making the marriage stronger by getting what you want out of it. By demanding less direct attention and being less sarcastic/critical, and just adding a little bit of praise, I can see that my husband simply wants to be with me/us a lot more and is more caring. I wish I had this book when I first got married or when we encountered some serious probles. I'm glad I have it now.

This book is not what it is hyped to be, Not very informative and not what I thought it would be.

From what my husband and I have read so far, there is a lot to learn from Dr. Phil's Relationship Rescue. We also bought the workbook to go along with it and would highly suggest that people do that as well. The two resources put together are wonderfully productive. Just don't expect a "how to get your spouse to change" book, this is a book designed to help you better yourself. You realize what you are doing wrong so that you can begin doing the right things. Eventually, your spouse will come around based on your actions. The old proverb that goes something along the lines of kill meanness with kindness definetely applies here.

The Doctor focuses on The Reader, and hammers away at making the point again and again that it is The Reader, not their partner, that must embrace change and improvement. It's a strong book. I laughed at how he puts into light how good my relationship is by his standards of trouble. My reasons for buying and reading this book are the same as anyone's for buying a self-helper: uncharted territory and the wish of self-improvement.

My only concern is that this book would most likely never help those who are the ones who really need it. It makes strong points to this itself: You cannot control or change other people. And those who need this book are probably not smart enough to even consider reading it or seeing the need to change and modify themselves.

Thanks Dr. Phill. I am glad I read your book. It is strong and helpful.

Dr. Phil just lately has been known in the Middle East through his program "Dr. Phil". I got to know Dr. Phil from quite some time.

This book is, as its name, a rescue procedure that the couples should follow. It starts with an inventory that each partner should do alone; evaluating him/herself independently, what were the weaknesses, how did I contributed to the failure/success of the relationship.

Then the real work begins..!!! Where the couple meets together and reviews the result. They should apply certain communication techniques. It is really very effective. At the end, the couple should agree and maintain certain techniques throughout the way.

It is not a book that you read for educational purposes, it is a life curing surgery.

For the best results, both couple should have the interest for the rescue. My advice, maintain the passion throughout the way, try to influence your partner if he(she) is not the driver for this process. It is a surgery...but very effective...

Wish you all the best while reading and applying this book...!!!!

"When you own your relationship, you must hold up the mirror to look at yourself. You will finally realize that whatever your partner is doing, you are either eliciting, maintaining, or allowing that behavior." ~ 97

It is difficult to work on your relationship by yourself. That said, Dr. Phil believes you have a lot more control than you think. By analyzing your relationship you learn about the areas that need improvement. The book begins with a questionnaire of sixty-two sentences. You choose true or false then instantly find out if your relationship is in distress.

It takes quite a lot of time to answer all the other questions including sentences you complete and analyze. You may think you have a pretty good relationship until you see what the test results are. This book may even temporarily make your relationship worse, especially if you try to get your partner to take any of the tests. The 17 page family history evaluation did seem a little over the top.

This book requires you to make a commitment to making your relationships work. It is an extremely detailed program designed to improve your relationship in a matter of weeks. You learn to agree to disagree or to argue more effectively. You develop relationship skills instead of relying on the feelings (infatuation) you felt at the start of the relationship. Dr. Phil then delves into the dark side that can sabotage a relationship.

Dr. Phil completes the book with questions he thinks you might want to ask him and then in conclusion he writes a separate letter to women and then to men. For the most part this book is complicated yet engaging. The tests are fun to take if you have the time and they do reveal aspects you might not uncover in a more casual conversation. Dr. Phil takes on all the difficult subjects and puts the ball in your court. In one sense it can be discouraging to work on a relationship by yourself and on the other hand your partner might actually get involved in making the relationship work. "Relationship Rescue" is one of the most intense relationship books I've ever read.

~The Rebecca Review

When I initially started reading this book I though it was a waste of time. However, the book is fantastic. I got much insight into relationships and dealing with the ending of mine. The pain I was experiencing disapeared and I am able to move on without resentments. In fact, I have the ability to experience love.

I listened to this book on audio over 10 years ago, and again recently. As I have matured and 'done my work', I can increasingly see the value and authenticity of this book and Kingma's other works. This book is only about the Ending of relationships, and how we can accept and even profit from the experience. Granted, there is much that is left out (e.g., avenues of reconciliation, effects on children, etc.) but what is covered is the best I have ever found. Some remarks on the more critical reviews:
- I'm not a psychologist but I disagree that Kingma is proposing a 'neo-Freudian perspective.' I would rather suggest Alice Miller and Murray Bowen (creater of Bowen Family Systems) as much more modern, informed and fitting psychological views embraced by Kingma. Most of the stuff we bring to our relationships IS from our parents and family experience including, as Kingma suggests, the incomplete or recreated experiences from other intimate relationships. We either finally get IT right; or we keep doing IT over and over again.
- I agree not everything in this book is useful to everyone. But that is true of all books.
- Finally, some reviews miss the incredible pay-off of Kingma's approach: There is a reason for the end of every relationship, and that reason need not, should not, be construed as a personal failure. We learn from each and every relationship. If we can break free from the 'happy-ever-after' model we have inherited from our culture, we can actually see the beautiful progression of our lives as we struggle to be whole, free and open to both giving and receiving love. This allows us gratitude for each and every person we have loved. Much better than viewing all of us as failures.

If you are called to this topic my advice is to start with Kingma's book and then, only then, see what else can be found on this subject.

Recommended to me by my therapist. I found it very easy to read. And the ideas made me really think inside of myself as I am going through these difficult times of separation. It gave me the feeling that there is hope and life after a potential divorce situation. Although I still cling onto hope that things will work out for us, having the knowledge in this book gives me some comfort.

As another reviewer stated, "The theme is rather unnerving in that one might conclude that it is inevitable that most marriages/relationships will fail." Yes, that is what Ms. Kingma believes and slowly convinces you into believing it too, if you are "one the fence" about leaving a relationship. She ENCOURAGES divorce and breaking up, and validates your decision to do so, as the title implies. (jmho).

If you are working on your relationship or marriage, this is NOT the book for you. This book will take whatever is left of it and guide you in how to end it - literally. See pgs. 76 & 77 as an example.

We know much more about the psychodynamics of marriage and relationships since this book was published, though it was only eight years ago. Family of Origin issues that go uncovered or denied are often at the root of relationship and marital issues, issues that if uncovered, healed and understood, could save a viable relationship or marriage.

NOT ALL realtionships end after an affair, end when there are differences in personality, beliefs, or opinions. Many of those differences were there when ther couple came together. It may even be what attracted them to each other... a balance in the coupling. Many unnecessarily do end marriages and relationship, due to the type of "biased" advice such as Ms. Kingma's, complete with a step-by-step recipe on how to do it and why you should.

Interesting that she also authored a book titled, "True Love"! I thought she just told (convinced) us there is no such thing?

This book seems to have been written for and popular with those who want out of a relationship or have already ended one. A kind of self-validation of, "I did the right thing". If validation of your decision to end your relationship is what you are looking for... you will certainly find that in 'Coming Apart'.... a "how-to" book on break-up and divorce.

PS - If you don't work out your issues in the relationship you are in... you will continue to revisit the same issues in the next, and the next, relationship until you do. Running away from relationship/marital problems, does not make them "go-away". The grass in NOT always greener in the next relationship... it's usually the same old grass, just in a different yard.
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Other Recommendations:

Grow Up! - Pittman
How to Be An Adult in Adult Relationships - Rico
If the Buddha Married (a series of 3 books) - Kasl

I disagree with the reviewer who wrote: "The theme is rather unnerving in that one might conclude that it is inevitable that most marriages/relationships will fail." This statement is clearly skewed from a diminished ability to read deeper into the meaning of some of the statements surrounding the claim.

This book is exceptional. It does not contain a bunch of psychological-jargon. Rather, it is a book that made me look at myself. Stephen Coven once asked, "Why does it always take some catastrophic life event to make us look at ourselves?" (paraphrased). This book focuses on relationships, and how the breaking up of a relationship forces us to look at ourselves if we are to heal and grow from the experience. The author never implies that relationships WILL fail. Rather, her writing is realistic, though some of us would prefer to believe that failed marriages and broken relationships are not "reality". Marriages fail in the church all of the time. Her truths align with Biblical truths, though there are no religious slants.

Daphne inspires us to look at who we are and the influences and experiences that have made us who we are. She provides so many examples of different types of relationship problems and successes that you will certainly draw meaning specific to your situation.

Her work is true to the heart and cuts right to it. It makes you face the truth of who you are and what it is that you need and expect from a relationship. It helps you to turn extremely painful break-up experiences into some kind of good; it forces us to extract the part of the relationship that might make us a better person. It is certainly a giant step in helping us to deal with the emotional pain.

Thank you, Daphne, for your insights and truths.

This book is very helpful in getting to know a lover or lover-to-be as the extended title says. The questions are set up in chapters that lead you into discussions that should take place between couples, even couples who have known each for awhile or even forever would benefit from the insights gained with a responsive partner.

I've read many relationship books, but this is by far the most relevant to any relationship, regardless of how long you have been together. This is fortunately not one of those "fluff" books filled with silly ideas and questions, instead this book is filled with many relevant, practical questions, many of which you wouldn't think of, or would take for granted.

This book is broken into seven parts, Using Your Head and Your Heart, Who Are You, Where Did You Come From, Where Are You Going, Can We Live Together, Where Are We Going, Can We Evolve Together. Each part starts with a real life example, so you can see how understanding that issue may be relevant, before moving onto several pages of questions. These questions are also broken down sections- questions to ask each partner, questions to explore as a couple, observations of your partner and self observations.

Going through this book, or just by yourself, you'll come out at the end with a clearer view of yourself and/or your relationship.

I bought this book a while back hoping that I could gain insight into a pseudo-relationship I was having at the time. The other person did not want to answer the questions. That told me everything I needed to know. The second person (who is now my husband) answered every question openly and honestly. We have talked for hours over these questions. I feel like I know this man so much better now than I would have had I not had this book and used it. I also feel secure in knowing that we are on the same page in many areas regarding our future. I give a lot of credit to the questions in this book for that.

The questions range in topics from "what are your political views?" to "what was your favorite childhood memory?" to "what do you want in a relationship?" The questions can be light hearted only requiring a one word answer or they can have a lot of depth and force the 'answeree' to think and make a concerted effort to give a full and meaningful answer. I love the questions and I love this book. Its amazing how many people (myself included in the past) throw themselves into relationships not knowing what type of person the other is or what they each want out of life together or apart. While the questions in the book will not take you to the deepest recesses of a person's mind, it will certainly put you on track to do so. Have fun. Be mindful. Pay attention to how your partner answers these questions. His/Her answers (or lack of) may save you a lot of heartache down the road. ;)

My fiancée and I are almost through Intellectual Foreplay. We have been using it for several months, slowly going through the chapters. Sometimes questions in different chapters have led us to more fully understand one another, and amazingly at other times questions have caused us to reflect and understand our own selves in different ways. Although a few moments with the book have been a challenge, overall, it has actually been tons of fun. I will soon graduate with my doctorate in clinical psychology and I FULLY plan on recommending this book to any couples with whom I do any type of premarital counseling. It has been a very useful tool in a beautiful journey.

I have heard many, many couples say that the first year of marriage is the most difficult. Couples may not know how a spouse rolls the tooth paste roll or in what areas of life the other individual wishes most to grow. And these may be things that will seem huge and insurmountable once one enters into marriage (yes, even the toothpaste rolling). This book asks almost every question imaginable and I think (and hope)that by covering the many things that couples might not otherwise think to talk it may ease the transition of the first year or in the worst case help a couple identify irreconcilable differences before walking down the isle.

It adds variety and depth to an occasional date night and may enrich a relationship. Highly Recommend.

My wife and I are now separated after 32yrs of marriage(both married at age 20). This book was originally referred to me by my therapist in hopes that it would help me with conversation should I have to begin all over in the dating world. I found some very intense questions that if answered honestly, could help strengthen and intensify or totally dismiss an existing relationship. The questions asked should be answered by everyone prior to a permanent relationship as the answers can provide a true insight into the individuals involved. Pay close attention to questions that deal in future possibilities; such as permanent health and disability issues, though they are hard to imagine until they happen they become quite real and can have a major affect on a relationship. My wife is now reading this book and I am eager, yet apprehensive for her to finish it, because at that time we will discuss whether I will be returning home, more importantly, after she answers the questions, does she want me to return home. I have purchased this book for my 3 adult children, one who is married, for our marriage couselor and for a very good friend who has become involved with someone. Hopefully my wife and I will be able to use this book to help us reconnect and enjoy another 32 yrs. Thank you Eve for sharing your book with us.