Sex Relationships Books

O.k. - this is probably not a fair review since I have not seen this item first hand, but from the description above I have to ask myself, "Can't you do this yourself?" Really, if you are into your man and know a little bit about what he likes, why not buy a pad of blank sticky notes and write your own? Geesh ladies - use a little imagination! LOL!

I am living overseas, and this product arrived WELL BEFORE the anticipated date so i was happy :) As for the product itself, the notes dont really tear out that easily, but with a little work they're fine...and naughty ;)

These post-its are perfect for sooooo many many things. You can use them as qeues for your partner to know to expect something later on or RIGHT NOW!

There are so many different occassions that the messages are pre-written for. There is one for getting a raise at work, holidays, not feeling well and even some blank ones for something truly naughty that the writers of Cosmo couldn't even think up!

The Truth: I'm a Girl, I'm Smart and I Know EverythingAs a positive psychologist I am always looking for ways and methods to help mothers and fathers understand their kids and vica versa.

Understanding is the first step toward better relationships and a greater capacity to accept differences among loved ones. From a parent's point of view it is hard to have this lovable child that is so precious suddenly become a monster. From the teen's perspective it is impossible to understand how someone who is trying to ruin my life can really love me or care. So what is to be done? Vanessa, actually still a teen herself when she wrote this book, seems to know much of what needs to happen.

For one thing, we need to understand each other's thinking and feeling capacities. Without that knowledge we expect the impossible. Parents need to know that kids think differently from us, and with less logical functioning. Kids need to know that they may not be interpreting accurately the facial expressions and remarks of their parents. And so Vanessa sets out to help both generations. She has provided great research on cognitive development. She also has provided tons of data on what kids really think. And she has given both generations ways of finding solutions around so many of the growing up issues that seem to send sparks flying in the household.

I think this is the best book I have seen for parents, teachers and teens. Everyone can read and benefit from the material and the suggestions. I can only imagine what Vanessa Van Petten will offer society over the next 50 years. People talk about concert virtuoso's who are 16, 18 or 24. Well, Vanessa is a social psychologist of the finest caliber whether she has the advanced degree yet or not. At 22 she is someone to admire, listen to and make sure to stay posted about. Can't wait for the next book.

At first, I was really skeptical about this. My mother made me read it and I felt for a bit that it was a punishment. After I got into it though I was very pleasantly surprised.

I thought it provided a lot of good insight, and I'm definitely glad my parents read it too, because now I think they understand where I'm coming from a lot better and we can work through our issues and get what we both want out of things.

Coming from a teenager that doesn't really like reading and was particularly reluctant about approaching this topic, I thought this book was a great, easy, entertaining, and yes, very helpful, read. I highly recommend it.

Jonathan

This book was a fantastic eye-opening experience into the lives of teenagers from the perspective of a teenager. Ms. Van Patten really is able to show us how the world has changed for our youth today and how we better can understand what they are facing. I enjoyed the book tremendously and have been able to employ some of the ideas to strenghten the mother/daughter relationship with my daughter. I have bought copies of the books for many of my mom friends as I know they too will get a lot out this book. Thank you!

Catherine Nofri, Los Angeles, CA

Family members are facing some distinct but not uncommon challenges with their teenage kids. I am gifting this book to them, in hopes that some resolution is on the horizon, due to Van Petten's practical approach and accessible "teen speak."

A Wiseman
Santa Fe NM

I bought this book for myself, but plan to give it to my daughter who is growing up too quickly. This book is great because it tells the story from both sides of the coin, in a way that can be easily understood by all parties involved.

This is by far the best book I have ever read about relationships.
And it has the most incredible solid advice for how to make a relationship work. I cannot recommend this book more highly.

Besides outright contradictions, this book is pretty helpful. For instance, "break up with your lover, but don't have any contact, but it's OK to sleep with them. "(I'm paraphrasing here). Lots and lots of contradictions....; despite that it's a good read and I like the singles section. The examples are less generic then The Passion Trap & Getting to Commitment (the later did not apply at all to any of my issues). I'm pretty sure the guy I've been seeing has already read this book. lol

The information in this book is outstanding whether you are single, in a relationship or married. I wish I had read this long ago, it would have saved me a lot of heart ache. Follow this book and I guarantee your relationship will improve.

I read this book thinking "this book is written by a woman from a woman point of view"....if you are a woman, read this book, and it may be helpful. With me as a man, it did not click too much. Besides, I do not believe in ME, ME ME. What "I" Want. I believe in "What is the best for her" even if I do not get what "I" want, that is all I wish for my partner. I have learned NOT TO cling on to ANYTHING, or ANYONE. Because NOTHING is permanent and is constantly changing including our body and spirit. So why make an effort, just go with the flow regardless of what "I" want....What SHE want is more important for me, and will always love her no matter what changes may arise.

Although I think this book would help many men too, I am writing this review for women. This book makes you understand why "The Rules" work. I highly recommend both, but if you read and follow this book you really don't need "The Rules". Basically it comes down to most men are "distancers" because they are afraid of commitment and women are "pursuers" because they want commitment and this book tells you when to call and when not to call and why men wait to and other things we endure in the dating process.

I don't think it helps to get someone back, but it's great for preventing break-ups. Great for single women or women in a new relationship.

I recommend this audio for both men and women to hear. It is very useful in understanding historical gender dynamics as far as understanding societal constructs. I do feel that Farrell goes a little over-board with his point at times, yet he does warn against that in the beginning.

I made some social observations on my own and have always pondered on these. One cannot bring these facts up in group discussions because to do so is politically incorrect. Even mentioning these in current enviroment makes you a "sexist male chauvanistic ass". Here are some examples I had of my own.

1) Men's health is at a crisis today. Both physical (life expectancy gap between men and women continues to increase with the the difference now at 7 years) and mental (suicide rate for men is about four times higher than women). Yet every college and medical school only has a "Department of women's health". We keep hearing of "run for breast cancer", "new stamps to raise money for breast cancer research", etc, and nothing for men's health issues. Actually, the second-class treatment of men is SO pervasive that instead of being able to see the crisis, most people I know now believe that the reason must be that men are 'supposed' to live shorter. This is absolutely untrue (!) with no evidence from researchto suggest that. In today's gender-politics enviroment I can only imagine what crisis it would have been if women were living 7 years shorter than men.

2) There exist numerous sources of funding for women's enrollment to catch up with men in science in math, but no funding for the fact that enrollment for men is lower in humanities and arts. Actually, today, women enroll in larger numbers than men in college for both undergraduate and graduate school (yes, check it out); yet all the extra gender-biased funding from college and goverment agencies is for women because to do otherwise would be politically incorrect and would raise the ire of many trenchant feminists. The supposed reason is that the education gaps need to be removed (although the gap is the other way around).

3) I know of a woman who purposefully walked into a house with dirty shoes to enrage the man. He slapped her on the face. As she had been taught to do, she called the cops for that and got him locked up. Now look in reverse. I *personally* know of many men who are afraid of their wives when these women are upset. These women get hysterical, shout expletives such that the neighbours need to knock, and then get violent which includes throwing dishes/pots/pans. In these cases, the cops are not called because most men are either ashamed about this, have been taught to be strong and not retaliate against the women, it is hard to convince the cop that it is the women who is violent (the strong perception created by the media even in the minds of the male cops is that it is only men who can be violent), or because they instead focus on how to fix the problem (not simply call the cops). We need a more fair atitude in dealing with this problem. The problem of domestic abuse is completely ignored if the perpetrator is a woman even while the problem is pervasive and there are many men out there living in fear.

I finally found a voice for what I had been trying to say in this book. Men who long suspected that they are being meted out second-class treatment have found statistics to back what they know anecdotally. The tone of the book is not to put down women, but bring many systematic issues of gender bias against men to the foreground. Of course, this is likely to raise the ire of rabid men-hating feminist columnists. Also women who have been taught to believe all their lives that they are being discriminated against and a war against men need to be waged, will likely have have a hard time believing the facts documented in the book. This book is a must-read for all men. I think it is also a must-read for women, for it might drain them of much of the poison filled into their minds all their lives that is probably a source of discord in many marriages and relationships (feelings of repression will be vented out).

This is great book. EVERYONE should read it.

In the academic world, where the liberal arts have in recent years been virtually taken over by neo-feminist academics, Warren Farrell dares to tread upon their turf. Boldly, if somewhat recklessly, Warren Farrell dares to block the way of 21st century feminism in the tradition of the tank-stopper at Tiananmen Square. Dr. Farrell of course differs from that brave Chinese man -- the chinese tanker whom he challenged chose not to open fire upon him. Farrell, on the other hand, has been taking bullets from feminists since the day he realized he had become a lapdog for the National Organization of Women. For any father who cares about his young son's future, and any mother of a young son with the courage to face the truths which Farrell exposes, this is a must-read.

As a young father, I too towed the feminist company line, reminding my sons dutifully as they grew up that "girls can do anything that boys do". Until I watched as my son and his friends turned 18, reaching the age when the government forces indentureship upon him as a future paid professional killer while the girls who played on his Little League teams suddenly found themselves at the sidelines for the "game" of war.

Speaking of war, if you read this book closely you will see that it has been written by a man who has climbed the heights only to realize that his ascent has been to the academic gallows -- a prisoner of the Battle of the Sexes, in a war already lost by men to women decades ago.

After reading the reviews, I was looking forward to reading this book. I thought "finally, a book on communication between couples from a male perspective." I was expecting a sympathetic account of the communication between the sexes but such an account was missing in this book.

This book is s not meant for any man born after about 1960. The gender stereotypes are still very strong (both male and female).

The book starts with some helpful suggestions (don't criticise too often, set a time aside to share criticism) but then quickly deterriorates into a rant about how men have not been treated fairly in the media. Topics covered included abuse within the family (men are abused too) and male-bashing in greeting cards. One important missing topic from this list is the villification of men as pedofiles-- especially men who enjoy working with children.

Of course men can be abused by their wifes, and father's by their children but it does not mean that male on female violence is "okay". Rather than making the non-sensical argument that "we hurt too, so your hurt is fine," the author should condemn abuse in all it's forms. Similarly making fun of men just because they are men, is as okay as making fun of women just because they are women.

I have also wondered why there are very few programs for male perpetrators of violence. Most resources are for women, and the way to solve family abuse, is for the woman to leave. Where are the centres to help men communicate non-violently? Why can't the family try and heal together? In the first part of the book, the author identifies that female "fear" is often translated into male "aggression"-- good point, but why is this point not carried onto the discussion of abuse?

Then there is a list of traditional "unnoticed" male work, including being an unpaid bodyguard "in public places (who plays bodyguard when nightfall turns a beautiful park into a dangerous park", just as well a woman can be an "unpaid massager" for rubbing her husband's shoulders. Most of the other "male work" is incredibly gender specific and even a quick read makes it clear that these are special events (putting up the Christmas lights) rather than day-to-day toil. I found this list offensive. We both cook dinners, use the barbaque and put up the Christmas lights.

There is also the male role of "option generating"-- man asks where they should go for dinner, woman says "anywhere", man says "italian?" etc. Apparently "option-generating often involves having one's ideas rejected, which can be emotionally taxing." The beauty of being in a couple is that both parties can create options and both can reject. It's called communication and making choices together.

More than that, I find it offensive that the author glosses over all the important work men do in families. Men now do change diapers, take pride in being fathers, cook, clean and are partners also in the home. How has this development passed the author by? By enforcing the gender stereotype of "the man brings in the bacon", the author is also glossing over all the men, who might like to stay at home with their children... or who would like to work part-time to have more family time. As well as of course all the women, who might like to have a career.

Many of these choices should be made in the family. Gender stereotypes are truly just as damaging to men, especially because they limit the choices that can be considered "acceptable". Why can a man not enjoy spending time with his children? Why does he need to be able to support the family? Should the responsibility not be shared? Where are the men, who are single parents? Male kindergarten teachers? Heaven forbid.

One more irritating passage: "We often think that when a man insults another man by calling him a 'girl', the insult reflects a contempt for women. No. It reflects a contempt for any man who is unwilling to make himself strong enough to protect someone as precious as a woman." hmmm. yeah... hmmm. This is where I started to laugh out loud. Too ridiculous for words.

In short: this book is not for anyone, who is trying to be a father in this century. Rather than solving anything, this book just perpetuates detrimental and dangerous gender stereotypes. Perhaps the author lives in this kind of a world (and indeed much of the material seems to stem from his personal experiences), but I don't know any young man who would... Rather young men now are facing the same challenges of work-life balance as young women are.

It's time to get beyond male-hating and female-hating, juxtaposing male needs and female needs to find somekind of a inherent conflict, and to understand that men and women can live together. And that in a family, men and women have the same goal-- of making their families as happy as they can.

We need more guys like Warren Farrell. This is a critical book that every man should read. Warren has all the credentials to write about the prejudice against men with authority. I have suffered some of these injustices myself and it was helpful to hear that I was not unique. There are some real eye-opening facts in this book that might get men to start showing some backbone.

One of the definitions of creativity is the ability to bring existing thoughts and processes together in new ways. That is the genius of this book.

We all talk about the value of being a good listener. We have all been in situations where we haven't been heard and felt that frustration. We have all been in situations where we did not listen responsively to someone we love and felt that frustration. We have all been in relationships where we hash over the same issues ad nauseam, then stop talking about them...period...never getting to the crux of the problem. We have all gotten into trouble because we have misheard clients, spouses, children, students and friends.

So, what's new? The talker-listener card, diagrams that illustrate various listening challenges and their solutions, the abundance of examples to exemplify relevant ideas, and a friendly style.

I teach reading skills to homeless people and know I would not be nearly as effective without the knowledge in Dr. Petersen's book.

Jim Petersen's book, Why Don't We Listen Better?, is easy to read and easy to follow. If you are in a crisis communication situation, you can start on the road to communicating better in less than an hour with the talk-listen card that is included with the book.

Using the talk-listen card helps relieve tension by allowing participants to focus on the job they should be doing at the time. This technique makes talking about things you might be upset about less intimidating and scary.

If I could be Queen For A Day, I'd ask that everyone learn the techniques presented in this book, and be a "card-carrying" listener.

I read this book for my masters program and must say it was a difficult read for myself (great sleep aid, however). I work in the psychology field already and the concepts he discussed are basic knowledge for anyone that is working in this field. He basically just used pictures, flat brain, thud, etc. and "dumbed down" concepts to casual reader or college students with little to no experience in the psych. or sociology field. Anyone who is employed in the "helping fields" have heard these concepts a thousand times over and repackaged by their company, workshop or those in Academia that all believe that they have created a great, new theory to change how people communicate. As we know those in Academia have their thoughts on psychology and those that actually work in the "trenches of psych" know this is basic concept and the author has not created anything new for the professional. I would recommend this book to those that are new to the field, professors that have little experience in the field or outside of college environment and casual readers. I would not recommend this to professionals involved in the field.

This book was recommended by a psychiatrist friend of mine. It was well written (although I did find some typos) and contained information new to me.

I found two concepts that were particularly useful:

1. The 'flat brain' theory &
2. The 'talker-listener' card strategy.

The 'flat-brain' theory explains why it is hard to listen when emotions are involved. And the author's description of the 'talker listener' card strategy provides a detailed and clearly-explained methodology for both listening AND being heard.

The author's common-sense explanations of listening techniques add quite a lot to the value of the book and obviously have been honed over the years through the author's experience as a pastoral counselor.

My wife and I read this book to each other, and spent a lot of time discussing the content as we went along. I highly recommend this method of reading. Now we both use the 'talker-listener' method when discussing 'hot' topics. It helps us listen to each other's point of view and we usually both feel 'heard' even when we disagree. I also find myself listening better almost anytime I find myself with someone who is talking.

Over-all, if you are in the market for a book that will make a big difference in your ability to communicate (talk and listen) in difficult situations, then this is your book!

As a pastor, I deal with people all the time whose relationships are struggling. Dr. Peterson's book finally gets to the bottom of much of our communication struggles. Without placing blame on anyone, his insights may be the one tool we have all been looking for, to be heard and to finally understand one another. I can't recommend this book highly enough to all who would like to understand people better or to improve their relationships.

An informed, witty and vigorous discussion of marriage. The authors catch our eye with the title's focus on sex and then set out to lead us into the realization that sex involves much more than functioning in the bedroom. The book is a call to Christian men to move beyond whatever limitations they may have regarding their sexual role, and explore their God-given capacity as sexual men. The discussion is never timid but rather boldly addresses what men often contemplate but seldom verbalize. A chapter at the end is written to wives, but the book's title and the fact that it was written by men intrigued my wife. She read the entire book and has recomended it to friends. If any Christian man reading the book incorporates even one or two helpful concepts, both he and his wife will happy benificiaries. I highly recomend this book to all married or soon to be married Christian men.

This book provides some very helpful, practical insights to the world of sex and marriage. On top of that, I laughed out loud several times and I appreciate their "get right to the point" writing style. I HIGHLY recommend this book to any married couple no matter how long you've been together.

Here's an up-to-date guide to married sexuality, written with rare candor and remarkable clarity. Be aware: this book goes places that previous books about sexuality within (Christian) marriage have not gone before.

A great gift for pre-married couples; a helpful guide for married couples who want to improve their communication about sexual issues or develop a closer and more unified sex life. This book is both prescriptive and descriptive; be aware of that also.

The authors remind us that great relationships are about many factors beyond the physical; there are tips and hints here that will help husbands and wives bond and connect outside the bedroom and away from sexual experiences. Even so, this is primarily a 'bedroom book' and is best understood from that perspective.

Given the explicit nature of these discussions, this is adult reading.

Dr. David & Lisa Frisbie
The Center for Marriage & Family Studies
Authors of: The Soul-Mate Marriage: The Spiritual Journey of Becoming One

It would be a shame if non-Christian readers did not avail themselves of the wisdoms of this little gem. It is psychologically sound and fun to read, enhancing the pursuit of the joys of intimacy that nature has made available to us all.

I've been part of the male Christian culture all my life. When it comes to the subject of sex, I well understand the dark silence that often accompanies that culture. The authors of this book strike back by not just breaking the silence, but by diving right in as though sex is the most natural thing in the world for us to have an open and frank discussion about.

The book gives us everything from an anatomy lesson, to a discussion of techniques, to a look at our own connection with God as it relates to our sexuality. I highly recommend this fresh and fun book that puts sex back out in the open where it belongs. Sex is a gift from God that Christians have often refused to open because of fear, shame or whatever. This book encourages us to tear open the gift and celebrate what's inside.

I thought this book was great. I found it while I was looking for information on doing a project for school. It has signs to look for if you think you're in an abusive relationship, and stories about girls that have gone through this situation. There is also a story from a mother's view. I thought it was a wonderful book. I think anyone that thinks they might be in this situation should read this book.

This book offers to teach Westerners something about Tantra. But there is a gross misonception in this book that needs to be clarified:

"Sexual energy is divided into three distinct types. First: the energy having to do with the reproduction of the race and the health of the physical body in general. Second: the energy having to do with the spheres of thought, feeling and will. Third: the energy that is found related with the Divine Spirit of man.
Indeed, sexual energy is without a doubt the most subtle and powerful energy normally produced and transported through the human organism. Everything that a human being is, including the three spheres of thought, feeling and will, is none other than the exact outcome of distinct modifications of sexual energy.
The control and storage of sexual energy is certainly difficult due to the tremendously subtle and powerful nature of this energy. In addition, its presence represents a source of immense power that can result in a true catastrophe if one does not know how to handle it.
Within the organism, there are certain canals through which this powerful energy must normally circulate. When this energy infiltrates the delicate mechanism of other functions, failure is the violent outcome. In this case, extremely delicate centers in the human organism are damaged, and in fact, the individual becomes an infrasexual.
All negative mental attitudes can lead directly or indirectly to these violent and destructive catastrophes of sexual energy. Hatred of sex, hatred of the Sexual Mysteries, disgust or repugnance towards sex, disdain for sex, an underestimation of sex, fear of sex, passional jealousy, sexual cynicism, sexual sadism, obscenity, pornography, sexual brutality, etc., turn the human being into an infrasexual.
When man and woman unite sexually in the Perfect Matrimony, they are truly ineffable Gods in those voluptuous moments. Man and woman united sexually form a divine androgynous being, a male-female Elohim, a terrifically divine Divinity. The two halves, separated since the dawn of life are united for one instant in order to create. This is ineffable... sublime... this is a thing of paradise...
Sexual energy is dangerously volatile and potentially explosive. During the secret act, during sexual ecstasy, the pair is surrounded by a tremendous, terrifically divine energy. In these moments of utmost joy and ardent kisses, which ignite the depths of the soul, we are able to retain that marvelous light to purify and totally transform ourselves. When we spill the glass of Hermes, when the loss occurs, the light of the Gods withdraws, leaving an open door for the red and sanguinary light of Lucifer to enter the home. Then the enchantment disappears and disillusion and disenchantment take its place. After a short time, the man and woman start out upon the path of adultery because their home has become an inferno." (Quoted from The Perfect Matrimony by Samael Aun Weor).

In short, those who continue to spill the sexual energy through the orgasm inevitably face disappointment, disiillusion, and they never enter into the real work of positive, White Tantra.

All White Tantra requires the absolute renunciation of the orgasm.

Please read this book! It is a philosophical and practical adaptation of ancient Tantric teachings to the modern Western realities. Learning and practicing "original" 4000-years old Tantra now isn't quite realistic. If you read some reviews written by "pure Tantra extremists," they sound rather fanatic than intelligent. This book is for "normal" people of today who want to make their intimate life and relationships more physically enjoyable and spiritually fulfilling. Highly recommend!

I am a devotee of Charles and Caroline; I have attended so many of their seminars that now, because I am a CTE I go to the weekend seminars for free. This book is their teaching, reading it for me is hard because I have heard them say the same things so many times. It is ancient wisdom. It is learning that is unchanging and essential for enlightenment on this path.

While it is true that we in the West have very disturbed notions about sex and sexuality, it should be kept in the mind that genuine Tantra harnesses the most powerful energies in the human organism: the creative forces. If you use these energies to create more lust, more attachment, more false security, then quite simply you are deepening your suffering. The sexual energy can enslave or it can redeem; but are you sure you know the difference? For more information, read the works of Samael Aun Weor, especially "The Perfect Matrimony" (0974275506) and "The Mystery of the Golden Blossom." (0974275522)

This is a very sensitive book. The couple is gentle in their terminology and not likely to scare a person new to magick or energy exchange away.

Much of our culture looks at sex as carnal and bad no matter how loving or monogamous the relationship. This book gently introduces the reader to healing those feelings about sex in a positive way.

This book is going to disappoint any practiced magicians or tantrics but it is a very good book to introduce people to a new broader way of loving their partner and sharing in the sexual experiance together.

Throughout history, human culture has proven expert at concocting and
binding abstract, artificial "morals" which both fail miserably to meet true
spiritual intent and fly in the face of human nature. Although Boteach has
his own personal slant on certain points, as any individual or couple will, the
important thing is that Boteach's book represents a ground breaking concept,
badly needed and long over due. It's a realistic, fundamental glimpse at
wisdom that likely could have prevented wars over time, were we all capable of
grasping it, starting with the battle over Helen at Troy. His thoughts put one
in mind also of that someone who pointed out the hypocrisies of the Pharisees
("... burdens to heavy to bare, etc."). The concepts introduced in the book can
constitute a monumental investment in realistically and naturally maintaining
passion in thinking people's relationships, as supplemented by additional,
objective research in sexuality and relationships. I know I'll send copies and
recommend this book over and over again. This topic could also use even more
focus and follow up.

I've been married just over 7 years, and things have been getting... stale. Nothing ACTIVELY wrong, but nothing terribly right either.

I happened across this book, and it's changing everything. I do not think his premise (as stated in another review) is that trust kills marriages... I read it more as 'if all you have is trust and steadiness, you don't have a true marriage, you're basically friends'.

At first glance, some of his ideas did make me bristle a bit... but when I CONSIDERED why they made me bristle, I realized that it was because I knew deep down that these things would improve my marriage but I'd chosen to let them go. ("Ancient underwear? No big deal - nobody sees them but hubby." ??? Who's more important than hubby??)

Read the book with an open mind, try its ideas, and see your marriage grow and deepen!

I want to get a copy of this for all my married friends and family! I'm not Jewish, nor particularly religious, but this is the most pratical marriage guide i've ever seen. Yes, you have to take many (most?) of his comments with the wink with which Rabbi Boteach writes them, but underneath are some of the greatest hidden truths about love and marriage. If you take his statements literally (e.g., "Trust destroys most marriages"), you can find much to disagree with, but if you listen to what he's saying underneath (e.g., "Reclaim the passion and mystery of your mate"), you will find it very inspiring. Rabbi Boteach makes the point: if marriage is about trust and comfort and caring and being friends, why not just stay with our parents or siblings. Of course it's about all those things, but the point is, it's also about experiencing the miracles of passion and lust and lovemaking with abandon. As he points out, more marriages are killed by the slow rot of boredom and complacency than by affairs. The good Rabbi has a fantastic sense of humor. He often comes across machho and traditional in his outlook, but his lightness of being (the twinkle in his eye) comes through loud and clear if you read with an open mind. I enthusiastically recommend this to anyone of any faith who is married or contemplating marriage. In fact, I think it should be required reading for any one who wants to entertain a long-term relationship!!!

This is a gem of a book. Like David Schnarch's book Passionate Marriage, this book should be required reading before anyone ties the knot of Holy Vows. What this book is *not* is an invitation to open marriage, or adultery per se:

"Adultery serves a double wrong; first, because it betrays a marriage and causes terrible pain to one's spouse; and second, because it robs a marriage of the input it needs to survive and prosper. On a more individual level, adultery erodes, if not utterly destroys, the faith and trust that one partner has in the other. Worse, it causes an almost incurable feeling of inadequacy that the partner who has been cheated on cannot shake.... What is particularly unjust about this ... is that it is the *victim* who feels responsible."

What Rabbi Boteach advocates is harnessing the inevitable, blind, biological tendency to lust and adultery to supercharge and strengthen traditional, monogamous marriage:

"Just suppose...

*Husbands could never afford to become complacent because they were married to voracious sexual seductresses that constantly need to be re-seduced.

*Wives became the living embodiment of a man's sexual fantasies - a woman with an insatiable appetite who would do anything for sex.

If this were to occur, would men still need to turn to manufactured porn entertainment when the real thing is in their bedrooms? Would it not lead us to be constantly attracted to our partners?"

Rabbi Boteach conveys an immense amount of originality in his discussion of what makes marriage work and, conversely, what wrecks it. And what Boteach calls upon as his primary source is the Decalogue, particularly the Tenth Commandment: "Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's house, thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor any thing that is thy neighbor's". This Commandment, Rabbi Boteach maintains, implies a husband *is* to LUST after his *own* wife. Similarly, Boteach argues that sex is a most holy gift given by a Benign Creator to enlighten and elevate humanity, and refutes the Darwinian message that men and women are mere mechanical automata - inevitably behaving like animals - rather than created in the image of God.

The business of being truly human, the Rabbi argues, is to transcend our natures: In this case, to be passionately monogamous for a lifetime. For Rabbi Boteach, sexuality - fiery, passionate sexuality - is the very core of every successful marriage. Just as it is not "compatibility" a spouse seeks in a fling, so it is not "compatibility" that holds a lively and life-affirming marriage together: What holds marriage together *primarily* is steamy, passionate eroticism.

A wonderfully written, highly commended, immensely pleasurable read.

You don't have to cheat or entertain the notion to appreciate the insights Shmuley draws from his experience counseling couples. He encourages married couples to make a dynamic bond of their intimate relationship, rather than suffer from malaise and stagnation of the passion that should be kept alive in a marriage.

We bought this book when My wife and I met Shmuley and some victims of Hurricane Katrina. We read and talk about the ideas in Kosher Adultery, and it's a springboard to discussing differences in our approaches and perspectives on intimacy. Many of the ideas are radical departures from our conservative approach to bedroom issues. Using jealousy to titilate passion seems like a distraction, rather than a support to a nurturing relationship. I often remind my wife, authors pose an extreme viewpoint because it helps sell an idea. You write in support of the extreme view to sustain the concept and drive it home. Not every idea has to be absolute, particularly in a realm of infinite individual personalities that may be paired in a committed marriage. What's most important is treating your loved one with upmost respect and letting your spouse know that your commitment is unwavering.

Love that stays commited is stronger than love that wanes, leaves home to play the field, and returns home to recommit. The devoted heart doesn't have to go out looking for missed opportunities to later appreciate what was lost. Kosher Adultery is a way to appreciate what you have, without having to break hearts and violate trust along the way. I have upmost respect for Shmuley and value his insights. This book is loaded with them.

This is an excellent book, easy to read and informative. I recommend this book to anyone who needs information on this subject.

The title says "tips" and I believe tips to be suggestions. This book is all about trying to enhance pleasure for women no matter who is providing it to them. If I need my car worked on I take it to a mechanic. If I want to know how to please a WOMAN I'll certainly ask WOMEN. Remember that women view pleasure differently than men do on most occasions. If you're a man or a woman and you need some "tips" you can't go wrong with this book.

This book is full of valuable information for anyone, regardless of their sexual orientation. A helpful guide for individuals who are interested in learning more about themselves and others.

Being a married man a looking to keep our relationship exciting, I was hoping for some insight into the complex ways of the female body. But instead of a guide to potential pleasure I received a pocket book guide of life-facts. Don't get me wrong, the information was very informative and I did learn, it is just not what I had expected to be reading. This is definitely a guide for women, not men.

I thought before I read this book that I would know most of what was in it already...but I had no idea of the scope of what was inside. I'm impressed. The authors went from a to z, not leaving any stone unturned. The chapters on anatomy, safe sex and making love are well written. And I personally am glad they included the chapters on communication, abuse, counselling, etc. The rights & discrimination section, especially Heterosexual Privileges, I found intriguing. It is obviously based on life in the USA, and as the authors are Americans, that would make sense. Things are a little different here in Canada, but there are still some similarities. Including the list of resources at the end of the book was a great idea...I'm sure many people will find this helpful. I'm positive that many people will find the WHOLE book helpful.