Sex Relationships Books

A little tough to read. "Quiz" up front was a little "off-putting." Thorough and basically good marriage book.

Always enjoy Popcak's work. We give this book as a gift for friends who have become engaged. Thorough yet concise, accessible, and humorous. Glad it's back in print.

Many books on marriage are designed to teach the basics of communication skills (love languages) to those desperate couples who are on the verge of divorce or abuse, helping them to rebuild their love. This book, however, is for the rest of us, who are in a good position already, who are deeply in love, and maybe even think we don't need help as it's all working just fine. Popcak calls us to a higher ideal, tells us to not settle for being just fine, but to try to be exceptional. Have that type of marriage that fulfills your life's dreams and works for the good of your children and society. The Exceptional Seven Percent does not hide the fact that it will take sacrifice and letting go of old ways of thinking, but it will be well worth it. With surveys and questions along the way, this book makes it easy to chart your progress as you advance through the stages towards being one of the world's happiest couples. Yes, it really is possible, if you're willing to work at it.

This is an exceptional book that aims at an attainable goal--attainable as long as you understand what you're trying to do. You can't get what you want if you don't know exactly what you want. I wanted an exceptional marriage, but didn't understand why it wasn't happening. Had I married the "wrong" person? Were we not as compatible as I thought when we got engaged?

It is absolutely exciting how radically for the better your married life can change when you systematically follow the principles in this book. It did in my case. And as I changed, so did my wife toward me.

So, what's the secret? Nothing less than living up to the commitment you happened to proclaim publicly on your wedding day--"to love and to cherish in good times and in bad...till death do us part." Is that unconditional or what?

Tall trees can't grow tall in shifting sands. An exceptional marriage is absolutely rooted in the solid ground of unconditional commitment.

Lofty language, but it all boils down to this: so many marriages fail when the participants get caught up in thinking "I'd be nice to her if only she were nice towards me," or "I'd do for her what she wants if only she would act towards me in such a way as to deserve it."

Children! Children! Hey, I used to hear those voices in my own head. I started to grow up when I found the courage to embrace the pain of admitting to myself that maybe I really wasn't the man or husband I wanted to be.

The authors of this book made it plainly obvious to me what I was doing wrong. I wasn't really secure in the person I had become at this point in my life, less than my own ideal. Heck, I had forgotten what that ideal was. (Springsteen's song "One Step Up" always tears me up when he sings "Somewhere along the line I got off track...")

That's where this book is so great. It asks you to be clear about what you want to be when you grow up.

So what does it take to have an exceptional marriage? Read this book. Decide who you want to BE. Choose daily to remind yourself to act lovingly toward your spouse whether your spouse happens to be her best self toward you that day or not. The authors discuss the different stages of improvement in marriage, and how you'll never get to the highest stage if you make your love dependent on circumstances of the moment. You need to see beyond the moment to your vision of what it means to be a great husband or wife.

Want a marriage that's better than average, that's exceptional? Then you've got to be bigger than yourself. Yes, you might even have to grow up. With the help of these authors, I have, and man, the view from here is incredible.

Sometimes you come across a book that is like clear music, and that clears up an area of your life that had been foggy forever. That is what this book was like for me. I came out of a failed marriage, and I wanted to understand why I had failed. I read various books. Then I came across this one. It's not the best title, perhaps, since other titles in the same area scream out their message louder. But it made such sense. Popcak speaks among other things of a marital imperative, which both husband and wife commit to, helping each other achieve lifetime goals, so that infidelity becomes far less likely, since another man or woman is not committed to helping you achieve your lifetime goals. Marriage becomes a place where you develop more and more competence. I could go on and on. My only reservation is that it sounded like an awful lot of work, but that could reflect my personal situation right now. I thought to myself, this is how to do marriage and make it work and make it wonderful. Also, I don't think it's just for the exceptional seven percent. And of course in this day and age one would have to say it's not only for marriages. No matter where you are in your relationship or relationship skills, this book might be the revelation you are looking for.

Yes, not all books written on this subject are helpful to everyone. I will not deny that fact. However, this book truly covers a spectrum you rarely see. I do believe every person and couple can benifit from this book.

If you are becoming familiar with David Deida, then this book is one good place to start, especially if you are doing so as a couple. This book describes Deida's view of masculine/feminine polarity, sexual energy, sexual desire, and more. And Deida being Deida, it is about sex and spirituality and growth. The book gives the sense that we are being offered an ancient way or yoga or art. We get the sense that Deida has learned this tantric-esque wisdom from various teachers, and now he is transmitting his knowledge to us. Maybe that sounds strange, but I've come to trust his advice and insights. An audio CD-ROM is included, in which Deida describes a number of experiential exercises. A remarkable aspect about Deida is that some of what he says about women is counterintuitive to men, and some of what he says about men is counterintuitive to women. And you are likely to disagree with some of what he tells you about yourself and your sex. But when you test these things out with the opposite sex, you find out that he's spot on. He's on to things that most of us don't understand, I believe.

Before buying this specific product, take a look at Deida's website/portal. Get a sense of ALL his products and pick the one that makes the most sense. He offers a fair amount of audio material, and if you aren't an avid reader, these may be more helpful. He has recently released a DVD titled "Function, Flow and Glow: The Art of Sexual Yoga," in which he shares his views of therapy, art and spirituality. He claims that he's mostly about teaching the "art" of great sex and loving, though he delves into the other areas with considerable insight and wisdom. The DVD is entertaining and informative (and funny), but I think it is mostly targeted toward the Ken Wilber / integrative spirituality crowd. You might be a bit confused if you are not familiar with the "Integral" world, but I suspect you'll find something of value anyway. I should probably note that Deida doesn't pretend that what he offers is empirically validated science. If that is what you are looking for, you won't find it here.

Another good place to start (even if you are a woman, I believe) is "The Way Of The Superior Man: A Spiritual Guide to Mastering the Challenges of Woman, Work, and Sexual Desire." Many view this as Deida's master work, and I can see why. "Superior" in the title is misleading because it is easily construed as macho-arrogant. But I doubt you'll come away with this impression. I learned about this book a few months ago from a woman in San Diego who is also a psychotherapist friend, and she thought this was a really great book. I've been reading this book over and over since then, and I have to say I agree with her. I learned plenty.

Just wanted to respond to these fear-arousing posts about David Deida being a "follower of a...demonically deluded cult leader". Curiously, these exact verbatim posts have been made to most of Deida's books listed on Amazon (I haven't checked them all). Seems like some kind of organized effort going on here to smear Deida.

I'm a pretty tolerant guy - everyone has a right to their own opinion, etc. But to suggest that David Deida (or Ken Wilbur for that matter) is a brainwashed follower of Satan, and that you will become infected from reading his stuff, seems pretty laughable to me. Any innovator worth his salt has been accused of the same thing, like, you know, DaVinci, Copernicus, Darwin, St. Francis, Martin Luther, Jesus of Nazareth, etc.

These two gifted thinkers, Deida and Wilbur, are cutting-edge intellectuals, ahead of their time. They are leaders, not followers. Neither has any interest in "controlling" you or what you think, although there are obviously some out there who do. Fifty years from now, educated people will still be studying their writings, while "Bubba Free John" will be like that weirdo who had that cult out in California about the comet Kahoutec and the aliens on the dark side of the moon. What was his name again? I rest my case.

I have read two of Deida's books, The Way of the Superior Man, and The Enlightened Sex Manual. I'm a pretty accomplished social scientist myself, but I know when to tip my hat to an Enlightened Master, and Deida is one. If you need the Thought Control Police to tell you what you may or may not read, and you think the Salem witch trials and the McCarthy hearings were right on, then skip on over to Pat Robertson's web site to see what you are allowed to read. For everyone else, Deida has a lot to offer, particularly if you are trying to find your own way in the modern world of gender roles, relationships and sex.

Ken Wilber has described this as the only sex manual that you will ever need, and it is difficult to disagree with him. Though Mabel Iam's books are a fine complement to David's work.

David is controversial, but then what innovator is not? He writes and teaches from the perspective of 20 years work with hatha yoga, pranayama, t'ai chi and Tantra. One of the things which I most like about his work is the constant emphasis on the dance of dualities, which has been a major focus of my own work for more than two decades. False dichotomies, such as good/bad, male/female, winner/loser, have, like other false beliefs, caused great sadness and frustration, and it is so important for people to know that there is another way.

Highly recommended for adults who want to heal and enrich their lives.

Of many books from this extraordinary author, this stands out as a great basic sex manual (some of his, and so many other, works seem too basic) with a flashy title (gotta bring home the bacon) and very intimate writing style that makes it hard to put down.

My daughter and I are reading this book together. The content is very good and relative for teens and even some mature pre-teens. As we finish each chapter we discuss how she can apply to herself and relationships she has. I would definitely recommend this book.

My daughter and her friends are using this book as a bible study. They read 2 or 3 chapters and get together every 2 or 3 weeks to talk about it. She has shared much of the book with me and I am very pleased. It has been great.

The church has taught the importance of physical purity, abstinence until marriage for generations. This book takes the importance of purity to another level: the heart. The author is a young college student herself, so she writes as one who can relate to the struggles that teens and young adults face, the difficulty in waiting, and the importance of guarding one's heart and mind. I recommend this book for boys and girls as young as thirteen years old, but it's beneficial for everyone, especially singles.

"Even if we aren't having sex, endless cycles of dating and breaking up are...promiscuous. We are casually and indiscriminately giving away our hearts, one piece at a time."

Author Brienne Murk of the popular music group "Myrrh" has developed a youth seminar based on living one's faith in the real world. She and her sister, Heather, are frequent speakers at camps, conventions, churches, and youth events. Now in her 20s, Brienne relates to the challenges facing today's teens, offering them hope and help.

In Eyes Wide Open, Murk encourages teens to decide in favor of "emotional purity" by setting boundaries and carefully guarding their hearts. An entire chapter is devoted to the dangers of internet chat rooms, IM'ing, e-mail and other ways that a `virtual relationship' can develop. Such settings encourage anonymity, artificial identities and danger.

The book is crammed with real-life examples of emotional entanglements, heartache, and broken relationships that flow from a shallow, unguarded approach to life. Author Murk encourages the reader to set boundaries, put goals in writing, and find mentors who will keep her or him accountable and within the limits.

Filled with scripture references, the book reveals God's good design for human sexuality, and reminds us of Biblical examples of both success and failure, from whom we can learn. Using the tools and concepts expressed in this book, a teen or college student can face the world of dating and relationships with confidence and "eyes wide open."

"True purity is more than sexual abstinence - it's a commitment, a promise, and a choice to guard your heart."

Armchair Interviews says: Well-written, timely, and encouraging.

The dangers of MySpace and similar web locations are well known. Such sites are places where people can "pretend" to be someone else - you don't know who you're really talking to. A predator? A criminal?

Author Brienne Murk tells us there's another danger, too. Chatting on-line, sending instant messages, meeting over the internet -- teens and others can get unwisely involved at an emotional level, even if they maintain a distance and live out a decision of sexual purity.

Purity is more than sexual abstinence, Murk argues. Using Scripture and many examples from real life, Brienne Murk (recording artist and member of "Myrrh") shows that purity is not just physical: it is mental, emotional and spiritual too. Teens and college students should be "saving themselves" in ways that are more than just physical.

Well-written, timely, filled with protection and wisdom for today's teens. A great book to read together as a youth group, interacting about the key concepts and ideas here.

Dr. David Frisbie
The Center for Marriage & Family Studies
Author of Raising Great Kids on Your Own: A Guide and Companion for Every Single Parent

Each craft comes with a list of needed materials--very good. I see this as a basic 'how-to' for untrained crafters/high school wedding party on the cheap. If you think of changing some of the ideas for prom night, the real customer for this book is a high school junior

The book has some neat and wonderful creations but deals primarily with silk flowers for the crafts and it doesn't fully offer explanations or detailed instructions on some of the crafts. Most arrangements or crafts are primarily traditional older ideas, nothing with a contemporary touch for the 90's.

I'm so sorry that i didnt read the costomer review before i buy it, it is so disapointed and all what the costomer says about it is true, blus no any creative idea, this book didnt provide you with any idea that can make your wedding party special, dont waste your money on it and try to find another book.

I've definitely seen better books out there, but I've also seen worse. At least it wasn't expensive.

I thought the book was creative but seemed to be for those who lack in the creativity department. This book is excellent for a man who wants to romance his mate and keep her guessing about what's next. A good purchase for a man or a female who is having problems coming up with ideas. It's an almost step by step by to setting up your "event." A keeper if you are running out of ideas and haven't already tried some of these in your own version. Good purchase.

I was looking to spice up my marriage and I bought this book and there is sooo many ideas. Basically I would say it suits someone. I love it soo much that we did a couple romantic evenings that turned out really great. It was a great kick start to spice things up.

I bought this book a few weeks before my husband's and my second anniversary to get some ideas on how to plan our celebration. After reading it, I had so many different ideas to choose from! All the evenings sounded very appealling, and I found myself wanting to plan most of them. Reality did set in, however, and I admitted that some of the evenings just weren't our style. But that didn't stop my imagining those evenings. (And who knows: maybe someday those kinds of evenings will be our style!) The idea I did choose worked out beautifully, and my husband and I have been saving our change for the next romantic evening (see "Hors d'Oeuvres Crawl").

What have the youth of America do to deserve this weak, uninformed, factless, baseless attack on their self image and sexuality. I am completely against the idea of book-burning, but the entrie print run on this one should be reserved for use as ballast when sand is running low for filling sandbags.

I wish I had a role model sit down with me when I was a young man and do something like this book with me. Now I am a young father trying to raise a son on my own because I tried to build a relationship on sex. I knew every fact and statistic there was and every one of them flies out the window when you are not morally grounded. Setting us "free" to our sexuality is the reason that divorce rates and diseases are climbing through the roof. Praise God I didnt catch an STD but many friends did. If your book changes one young persons life then it should be applauded. These comments from people that are educated beyond their intellect show why our nation is falling apart at the schools. My heart aches for the pain I have caused many women and for the pain many others will incur because of this attitude. The men also that try to do the right thing and still lose. Of all the pain and loss and mistakes in my life the only regret I have is that I did not wait until marriage. Sex is for a husband and a wife, period.

In these modern times, books that promote abstinence are irrelevant to teenagers. Teens who are developing relationships need advice to keep them safe from the inevitable consequences of intimacy, not religion based abstinence. If the point of this book is to steer teenagers into early marriage before developing maturity and the skills to promote lasting relationships, the divorce rate, single parent rate and STD rate will continue to be unacceptably high.

This is just another outdated abstinence book. Teenagers deserve more. They deserve honest relevance, not moralizing. They deserve sex positive treatments that relate to who they are and how they behave. This is totally irrelevant to today's teenagers, who are sexually active.

In a world where teens are exposed to a lot of sexual information and sexual stimulation, it does not help to attempt to control their behavior by preaching morality and attempting to instill guilt and shame. Early sex-negative indoctrination is not easily reversed and can impact later adult sexual relationships.

Books for teens should focus on responsible decision making, realistic appraisal of consequences, and endorsement of freedom to be naturally curious. Sexual feelings are not immoral, sexual thoughts are not sinful, and all informed sexual options should be carefully considered.

From someone who went through a broken engagement, I can tell you that this is a great book. I found the book supportive and comforting during a time of great struggle for me. I would recommend anyone who has doubts to read this, and if you have already called it off - buy it!

The book helped me to know that we can all move on, regardless of what has happened in our lives.

This is a good book in times of need.

My discussions with my close friends were more insightful than this book. I suppose it was nice to hear stories of other women in similar situations, but I felt that the book was repetitive and could have been summarized in two pages.

For any would-be-bride, this book is a must. Humurous at times, tearful at others, this book helps remind us that calling off the wedding is not the end of the world. A wonderful combination of advice with antecdotal stories from other would-be brides. After cancelling my own wedding 12 days before the event, I was searching high and low for something to help me through the grieving process. The book was IT! A wonderful find.

I can't say enough good things about this book. I found it about 2 weeks after my wedding was called off and a year later, I still get something out of it. If you just called off your wedding, or are thinking about it, this book will let you know that you are not alone in the myriad of emotions. I have recommended this to so many people, even those who went through the end of a serious relationship, not necessarily an engagement. It will sit next to your bed and you will pick it up at 4 in the morning for comfort.

This book is a long-needed resource for would-be and not-sure brides! Ms. Safier reinforces what many women know deep down: That if you have doubts, it's time to walk out before you walk down the aisle. An engagement is easier to get out of than a divorce, and sometimes those uneasy feelings are the nagging of common sense and responsiblity, not "cold feet." She also tells you how to heal afterwards, and how to deal with the well-intentioned but thoughless/spiteful/nosy questions and remarks that you'll inevitably get from acquaintances.

Ladies, read this book before you say "I do" and hold your heads high and know that you ARE doing the mature thing if you decide it's time to say, "I don't."

I highly recommend this book to those of us that are oblivious to the tricks that men/women use.
It'll free you, the truth will set you free from the "spell" they try to cast.
Please, if you are kind, gentle and a good heart and are troubled by why you feel so much pain, at least
start by identifiying the characters.

This book is a must read for anyone who has found themself in a relationship and second guessed their own sanity. I found myself glued to each chapter, seeing red-flags and finding answers to questions that I would not dare ask anyone. This is a great reference book to be picked up again and again.
The insight gained is invaluable.
The author's style is sprinkled with humor, and the reader is anxious to delve deeper into the human psyche. Once started, you cannot put it down.
Great advice for dealing with Emotional Vampires.

Manipulation doesn't have a gender, so when I read the Manipulative Man I thought of many men and women who would fit the "case" characters in the book. I just wish I had known how to recognize them at the times I was dealing with them and thinking that "I" was the one who was going crazy. I guess that was my first clue. The descriptions in this book make it easy to stop a manipulative person. It is good to know there are things that I can do to protect myself from these high maintenance people. I look at people from a slightly different perspective now. It really is a very readable and insightful book.

Every woman on planet should have this book it is really powerful!

Susan Brown, I wish you had talked to me and read my other books before you posted your unwarranted comments. Please notice I also wrote From Shyness to Social Butterfly, in 2001. The suggestions I gave then are the same suggestions I gave in The Manipulative Man. My book, The Ultimate Book of Personality Tests, was published in 2005. If you read it you will see that I use many of the same tests and make some of the same observations.

I have never seen your book. The quote I used from your book came from a Google search. In the academic tradition, I quote many authors (both books and articles).

I did not choose the format or the focus of the content for the Manipulative Man. It was written in the tradition of another book (read the back cover of The Manipulative Man) at the request of the Publisher.

I wrote my first book, a workbook, in 2001 on stress management. It is now a police related workbook called Losing Our Officers to Anger, Stress and Suicide: A Wellness Solution. I have presented on it at three international conferences. It also follows my philosophy for wellness: eat nutritious foods, get plenty of rest, exercise regularly, stay connected to people, know what you can control (and what you cannot), be aware of your cognitions and how they affect your emotions, cherish your sense of humor, value the unique person you are, use cooperation and conflict resolution in relationships, believe behaviors rather than words, be able to recognize unhealthy (and often incongruent) behaviors and don't needlessly upset yourself.

Susan, please read my other books, then we will talk. No doubt, you made an honest mistake. I wish you continued success with your books.

While I agree on that message the book conveys would be considered 'common sense', I am continuously amazed at how little common sense I encounter in the world at large. There are too many couples who rush into marriage without considering that the commitment they are entertaining is larger than themselves.

I think the book serves as a tool for use in self examination and reflection, hopefully leading to honest conversations. It's a shame for someone to grow up only after vows are exchanged and families are hurt. My parents were married for 55 years until death parted them. I hope to do at least as well.

Consider giving this to engaged couples or using it along with marriage preparation.

I've been recommending "Project Everlasting" to all of my friends, whether single, in a serious relationship, or married. For a single twenty-something like me, the stories of the couples in this book are ones of hope and possibility, demonstrating everything that marriage can and should be when two people are genuinely committed. I think what Mat Boggs and Jason Miller have done in collecting these stories is to highlight all the best things of which human beings are capable. The lessons they've captured are invaluable, whether a person is called to marriage or not; to be able to love in the way that these couples have learned to - with a selfless determination - is the greatest thing that we can strive for in this life.

The book is very well written, and Mat and Jason have an open, honest, and engaging way of taking you right along with them on their journey. This is a book that draws enormous amounts of wisdom from a series of personal journeys - those of the couples in marriage, and those of these two bachelors, discovering exactly what it is about marriage that is so worth waiting for, and so worth the effort that it clearly takes!

This is one of the most heart warming books I have ever read. It is well written and made me smile most of the time I was reading it. If you like to hear uplifting stories that have happy endings, then this is your book.

This is a really enjoyable book that teaches practical marriage advice and gives the bones to make up a great marriage. In addition, the stories about each "marriage master" are so lovely and nice to see what others went through for love, commitment and marriage.

I'm not a big reader, especially of 'self-help' type books, but after reading an excerpt from this book I was intrigued. The authors have done a wonderful job of presenting the marriage "lessons" they learned in a wonderful story format that aren't far fetched and are very easy to relate to. What I particularly enjoyed about the book was its set-up. The chapters are broken down into short stories about different couples that illustrate the topic focus on in the chapter. For someone who isn't a big reader and has a limited amount of time to read it is nice to have so many good stopping points without feeling lost when I picked the book back up again. The humor interjected into the book is entertaining as well. Both authors are very personable. I've lent it to my fiancé to read (also not a big reader, but enjoying it so far) and plan on giving it as a giving as a wedding gift. Not to sound cliché and cheesy but I laughed, I cried, I highly recommend it to anyone getting married or anyone for that matter.

I've been married one year, have just read this book and I loved it. The book promotes standing by your partner. My parents were divorced, and according to this book it puts me at a greater risk of getting divorced. With that in mind, I'll work as hard as I can on taking good care of my marriage.

Judith Viorst has articulated some profound insights on married life- why do we choose to get married, why do marriages fail, why do we stay married. She addresses some of the problems marriages today face- infidelity, "sibling rivalry", yet the book is a surprisingly uplifting celebration of married life and the value of sticking it out through the tough times.

This book should be compulsory reading for any couple contemplating marriage. In a sometimes gut-wrenching analysis of modern marriage, Viorst spells out the fallacies of our society's view on marital bliss in a way that will challenge and, on occasion, shock you with its ability to reflect your own romantic relationship.

One of the most provocative chapters is, "The First Shocks of Marriage." This chapter outlines the expectations we bring into marriage and the feelings of betrayal that result when those expectations are invariably, and sometimes brutally, crushed. As a divorced, middle-aged woman with many female friends who maintain a 'revolving door' of romantic relationships, the concept of feeling emotionally betrayed is one that will speak to every woman...and should be understood by every man. Viorst cites the common female viewpoint that "marriage should be nothing less than love, adoration, companionship, physical intimacy, emotional availability, respect, humor and tolerance." And the male viewpoint Viorst cites is one that expects a wife to "respect his need for autonomy and give him plenty of room to do his own thing." Yet, if anything, the reality of marriage teaches us that we often won't get all, or even some, of what we expected.

One lesson every individual who reads this book should learn, and learn, and learn yet once again, is that marriage is work...Work...WORK. This book, like no other I have read, made me question whether I'm up to it. :-) It also made me realize that, when it does work, when both halves of the couple (not either/or) are willing to work diligently at keeping the dream alive, the reward is priceless.

I wish this book had been written a year ago when my own "starter marriage" was falling apart. There were so many instances in the book where I could point to a passage and say, "Yep! That's us." "That's totally what happened to us too!" etc. It might have saved my marriage. But I'm glad to have read this book later rather than never. With an impressive understanding of human nature, Viorst touches upon the many delicate interrelational factors that causes strain in people's marriages as well as second (and third) marriages, and why seemingly happy couples divorce while destructive, unhappy couples stay together. This is a worthwhile, mandatory read for every couple who plans to get married or is already married or might be thinking of divorce. Do your loved ones a favor and give this book to a future bride or bridegroom as a wedding gift. It's one of the best relationship tune-ups you'll read.

This is a terrific book for anyone at any stage in marriage - I read it as I was on the brink of divorce, I read most of it and had suggested to my husband that he read a chapter of it. Things have turned around and we are on the road to repair and re-comittment it seems, this book may have saved us.

Judith has wit and charm and sensibility combined to talk about various aspects of marriage, about everyday marriage - and how to improve it, about how various factors can affect marriage at various stages. Thumbs, fingers and toes are all up for Judiths book!