Sex Relationships Books

I recently read this book prior to being married. It was invaluable. Very eye opening and stimulating. Mr. Wilson uses plain, no-nonsense language to speak to men in the way they need to hear, to tell them the things they need to know of the Bibles stance on a variety of sexual issues. My now wife read a chapter that I showed her prior to our wedding and said that it helped her immensly and even releived some of the wedding night anxiety she was feeling.

This essay is thorough in its presentation of the Scriptural passages relevant to the different issues of sexual morality: adultery, homosexuality, abstinence before marriage, etc. But that's it. The relevant passages from Scripture are presented, Mr. Wilson assures us that he agrees with them, and that's that. In other words, anyone seeking to understand WHY the Scriptures testify to a certain code of sexual morality will find nothing here.

Most people are familiar with the principles of strict Christian sexual virtue, even if they cannot recite the verses of the Bible that teach it. So teaching abstinence and chastity is not primarily a matter of explaining to people what they must and must not do: they already know all that. What most people are confused about is WHY they must be chaste. So many Christians today say, my faith and trust for eternal salvation are in Christ, I am saved... so why shouldn't I have sex with my girlfriend? Or my gay lover? They just don't see any connection between the Western Christian message of salvation and a strict code of sexual morality, and Wilson's book here will offer them no further insight.

Why does God care how we conduct ourselves sexually? Didn't Christ say, "Let no one call anything the Father has created unclean?" And didn't the Father create sex? So why would sex upset Him? How is chastity relevant to the spiritual life? How and why will unchaste thoughts and behavior corrupt our hearts? When people encounter sexual temptations they are very powerful and without a thorough grasp of the implications of our moral choices and lifestyles to the spiritual life and salvation, very few find themselves strong enough to resist it.

Again, this book only outlines the principles of chastity in a legalistic manner that is based in Protestant Pietism. If the moral reprimand of Scripture strikes fear into your heart, this might be enough to keep you straight. But few people today, Christian or not, are afraid of the Bible.

Sexual virtue as rightly understood in the context of the historical, apostolic Christian faith is a matter of asceticism: to understand why one must struggle to remain sexually chaste, one must first understand why he must fast, why he must deny his impulses and desires generally. So a substantial explanation of the necessity of asceticism is prerequisite to any discussion of sexual chastity; but Wilson does not seem to understand this, and offers no insight in this regard. If you seek a deeper understanding of Christian sexual morality, then, I recommend The Freedom of Morality by Christos Yannaras and Ascending the Heights: A Layman's Guide to the Ladder, by Fr. John Mack.

As I was working my way through the Canon Press family series I went ahead and read Fidelity. Although it's written for men, I think many (though not all) Christian women will find, as I did, that it is a useful corrective to the misinformation they've been assaulted with all their lives. It's not that I learned anything new or surprising about sex in this book; it was more that, especially in the last chapter, Mr. Wilson creates a picture of godly sexuality that puts all the old information into the right context and in the right proportions -- like reassembling a Picasso into a Rembrandt.

I wasn't sure if I should read this book -- it might as well have a "No Girls Allowed" sign on it -- but I am glad I did. Someone needs to write a version that women aren't afraid to buy or read. (Yes, I've read Elisabeth Elliot's books, but they aren't quite on the same level.) Ironically, it may be the very desire to protect the purity of Christian women that tends to keep such a purifying book out of the hands of those whom it might benefit. Granted, women who were lovingly shielded from exposure to what the world has to say (and show and tell) about sex probably don't need it, so Fidelity might do them more harm than good. But for women to whom the harm has already been done -- by their own sin or others', by misinformation or abuse, by media or "education" -- it should be considered as a possible curative. For me, reading Fidelity was like giving my soul a long-needed bath.

(Adapted from a post on my blog.)

I have read other books like this before, but none hold a candle to Wilson in this regard. Fidelity is a must read for every Christian man, married or not. Wilson is blunt, biblical and pastoral in how he treats topics such as fornication, masturbation, rape, adultery etc. He provides a balanced perspective that doesn't pull punches - he truly calls a spade a spade.
His use of contemporary jargon and slang to heighten the sense of obscenity in ungodly actions is excellent - and makes for a memorable and entertaining read.
Wilson uses solid exegesis that doesn't bend or twist the text. He hits the nail on the head every time.
Please buy this book and when you're done reading it, pass it around.

I enjoyed this book because he gets to the heart of the issue surrounding our struggle with lust. I am so used to church talks and lust conquering books that offer a somewhat self-reliant approach. "Struggling with pornography? Get rid of your computer." Well, you may not have a computer, but lust is still festering inside you and as all of us know, you are still going to struggle. Douglas goes beyond the typical approach and convicts the sin. He plainly shows you how ugly lust is and what it does. Then the Holy Spirit steps in and does the necessary work to change the ROOT of the problem.

Instead of offering a bunch of cute ideas on how to boundary your life, he just attacks the sin. From there, if we are honest with our selves, we know what needs to be done. It seems that nothing is better for dealing with sin than good'old conviction.

I Love the Questions in this book but There is not room for me or my boyfriend to write in it. Better if you have a extra notebook to put the question on so you and your parter or you will have plenty of room.

This is a great book and really helped my fiance and I get closer by going over the questions in the book.

Great book for all couples or single people that are looking for a meaningful relationship while taking an honest look at themselves first.

Recommended it to my college age daughter since she is dating. Wished I had read this book many, many moons ago. Will keep this book as a reference book and/or suggested reading material for my future counseling clients.

Good, fun, interesting questions to discuss with your significant other. Questions give good insight into how the other person is feeling and what their goals are. Brings better understanding to each other. Brings out those areas where you need to work things out. Asks questions that you normally wouldn't think of this early in the relationship but which are important down the road when you are building your life and family together.

I think the idea is there-- but honestly, if you haven't already asked yourself (and your partner) most of these questions, chances are you shouldn't be getting married. For my fiance and I, this book was a bit of a joke. We read through it together and were actually able to answer FOR each other. I don't think that was the point-- but I applaud Donaldson for encouraging couples to get to KNOW each other before tying the knot.

Each of the short chapters in this helpful book focus on a particular common aspect of living with a significant other. With humor and accuracy, Ryan depicts familiar situations and negative reactions that arise in every day life. She then offers insights regarding how we can place the situation in a new perspective, one of gratitude, that is uplifting for ourselves as well as for our relationship. The book offers the "nuts and bolts" of how to be grateful in a long term relationship. Her writing makes me chuckle as I recognize myself!

Don't be duped by the mind-candy, girly look of this book's cover! Attitudes of Gratitude deserves to be taken seriously by anyone who's serious about the practice of love. It's absolutely impossible to read this book without reflecting on all that you have received from your relationships and from your life experience. This powerful and potent feature makes the book worth buying and reading.

MaryJane Ryan also reminds us that gratitude is a simple and effective tool for quickly undoing the false judgments we hold against self and others. This is because gratitude and resentment are mutually exclusive, and each one cancels the other one out. Because gratitude enables you to swiftly change your mind, it's a kind of magic fairy dust that turns you into the person you most want to be. Gratitude is easy. It's fast. And anyone can do it. Try it for yourself and see. (The Spiritual Reviewer)

This book is really great, whenever you find yourself getting frustated, or depressed or just fed up, it is a real pick-me-up, literally. It is a book you can read over and over again to feel calm and content in your everyday life. Brings you back down to earth and really makes you just appreciate the small things. I love it :-) Thanks Mary !

This book was the best! Its about two things. Teenagers and love! The perfect combination for a book!

It answers questions as well as has stories, quotes, and poems in it! Theres also some cute illustartions on a few pages!

If you like Chicken Soup I recommend you read this! It deals with every love problem you can think of~ I hope you enjoy it!~

This book was really helpful to me. i really like it alot. theres a story that relates in that book.theres this kid and ive known him for like only 2 years but were really good friends and i like him alot and he doesnt know i want to tell him but i dont. When im around him i dont feel shy i let all of it out but i hide the other part of me. and if he found i dunno what would happen i know i would be shy though. i dont want to take the chance because i dont like to be let down and what if he says no it would hurt me alot!that story related to me alot and i cryed right after i read it. its just like me i dont know what to do but one of these days im gonna tell him the way i feel and hope he feels the same for me.

I love this book. When I first read it I liked it but I wasn't having any problems in my relationship. Recently ,things have been very bad between Chad and I and I didn't know what to do. I only have one friend who has been in a long term relationship so it was hard to find anyone who could understand what I was going through. It was actually my friend Stacey who told me to read the book again. (It has helped her many times) There were things that I din't even remember from the first time and they were things I could do to make things better. I called my boyfriend and asked him to come over. We sat there and talked the way it said to in the book, with each of us only speaking about how we felt , not what the other person did. I can't even tell you how well this worked. After awhile we were both crying and holding each other and we realized (the book told us) that relationships require work and you have to talk things through but not by blaming each other. Anyway, we are doing great now and I know I will use this book again and again. I give it 5 stars.

Teen Love: On Relationships certainly did not live up to my expectations! I found there to be unnecessary, boring inserts fro the author and her daughter that only helped me to put the book down and often cancelled out the effects of the few great stories that are in there.

Most of the stories in this book are either immature or cliched and if I had to recommend this book to someone, it will be to those people aged 14 and under. For those people with more life experience, you may find the majority of these stories to be unoriginal and not worth the time it takes to read them.

If you are looking for a great book along similar lines, I would suggest Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul - Love & Friendship, or any other book in the Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul series.

This book was surprisingly a good read. It was better than most of the others said. However, I'd say you're better off buying the Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul volume 1-3 before you even look at this.

The reason being is that this book is made for the younger teenagers. The book isn't bad as some of the advice given is actually pretty good, but for a teenager who is 15+ it isn't going to do much for you except perhaps raise your spirits. The book is clearly for 13-14 year olds because it waste lots of time on stories like first kisses and first relationships. Sure, any highschool student could use the book if they haven't yet been in a relationship. Plus the book constantly repeats itself. This isn't bad since the author does a great job at getting the message across.

The reason I gave this book four stars was because there weren't enough stories! Many of the "stories" were question that seemed to repeat themselves and were constatnly asked by younger teens. There were a few stories every now and then but mostly questions that got annoying. Many questions you knew where the same they were just asked differently.

Overall, this is a pretty good book to get for your growing little boys and girls of age 12-14. But if your 15-18 this book might not please you and any older than 18 means you best stay away.

While I rated both "Conscious Living" and "Conscious Loving" by the same authors, the Hendricks's, with a very enthused 5 star rating, subsequently ordering several of their books, I have stepped back with my endorsement after reading "Conscious Heart." This particular book does not detract from the basic message of their work in general with a "conscious approach," so to speak, to life and our various relationships, romantic or otherwise. I still hold to that. The premise is sound. But "Conscious Heart" has little new to offer; indeed, what is new is a section that rather made me wince.

I am all flags and hurrah banners for a commitment to honesty - to self and to others. Speaking one's feelings aloud, bringing them into the light for full understanding, using that understanding to build intimacy in a romantic relationship but increased efficiency in a work relationship, yes, all of that makes solid good sense to me. But I am also a believer in balance. Often, too much of a good thing becomes, well, not so good. It is possible to exaggerate this idea to the point of being obnoxious and unnecessarily cruel.

Example: The Hendricks couple recount an incident in their marriage that tested their commitment and their honesty. Gay Hendricks, in his own retelling, goes through a scene of seduction that is handled with, to me, absurdity. While I agree with their commitment to tell each other when they might be in danger of serious straying, teetering on the boundaries of infidelity, so that they might work it out together -- I am not at all convinced that this incident, as it is described in the book, is handled in a way that even a reasonably committed couple could, or should, endure. Gay spots a younger woman across a dance floor, someone both he and wife Kathlyn know and trust, but suddenly he sees this woman in a different light. How this temporary desire for another woman is handled between the three of them tests my limits of understanding. The marriage endures -- but my patience and empathy do not. Not only is the disclosure unnecessary, but the concept of commitment seems to get lost in this threesome as they find their proper paths. The Hendricks are, after all, a married couple. Surely that stands for something. This "exploration" of Gay's temptation should have been cut off at the starting line, period.

I still recommend the Hendricks first two books with enthusiasm. Honesty is indeed the best policy. Being conscious of one's own motives and feelings is powerful. But I see no benefit to being subjected to my partner's ongoing stream of consciousness every time he feels a tingle in his tenders, not if it's a passing and momentary thought. Nor do I intend to subject him to same. That kind of banter is wearing, and I see no benefit from it. Not to be confused with open and full disclosure when infidelity, or danger of it, does indeed threaten a relationship. That is always necessary, no exceptions.

My recommendation is to read the Hendricks' first books, "Conscious Living" and "Conscious Loving." The basic idea of this kind of living, after all, is not complicated. I can't help feeling this newer addition was written merely as padding.

I just finished this book, and have been enlightened and tremendously inspired. Gay and Kathlyn Hendricks reveal a large number of their own personal experiences, and this makes the book really believable and valuable. They are relationship experts, but they share about their difficult times as well as the good ones. Their book, Conscious Loving, is a good book to read first, but this book does stand on its own well! Read this book if you want to develop the deepest possible relationship with your partner!

The authors walk their talk in their loving marriage.
This book opened my eyes to some missing pieces
of the puzzle and I have experienced profound shifts
in the relationship I have with my husband. The
information in the Hendricks' book has made me more
aware of feelings and more connected to creative
ways of transforming old patterns. My husband and
I realized that we had UNconscious commitments to
suffering that undermined our desire to be close!
We seem to have found a way to have a lot more fun!

I bought this book and read it; simply because the author is my ex-husband's therapist. As with many self help books it touches only the surface of the problem and does not delve deep into what is truly happening and with a persons thoughts, actions, patterns and integrity. People are not the same, we are all different, and therefore the thought processes are all different. What drives our actions and thoughts come from the many experiences we have had through our lives.

A formula might work for a short period of time, but the basic problem that needs to be addressed is not being addressed. Therefore the basic problem is being ignored. When it is ignored more often than not it will come up again and with a vengeance.

Many things that happen in our lives need to be recognized and understood with a professional who has "our" best interest at heart. This is not found in this book. The formula the Hendricks have put together is a quick fix with the problems still there and not dealt with. Therefore masking the issues.

So, I do not recommend this book. I do recommend seeking out professionals who will actually work one on one or in a group setting directly with you, dealing with your issues. This formula is just that a formula. None of our lives fit into a nice neat little box. But, it sure sells books.

This extraordinary book will help you learn how to use conflict to create greater understanding; Overcome the fears and defenses that block intimacy; Resolve struggles for control; Increase generosity and appreciation; Deepen passion, commitment, and aliveness; and release the creativity of each partner. Kathlyn and Gay Hendricks have mastered the art of genuine friendship, support and intimacy within their own marriage, and provide the guidance many people need today to learn how to get it right.

Relationships take work. Nobody is perfect, and it is learning how to adjust to each person's imperfections while giving compassion and understanding at all times that are the pivotal keys to relationship success. If you want to learn how to be authentic and genuine, as well as how to communicate so a relationship can last in the inevitable face of human imperfections, then this is the book that will bring those answers to you. Outstanding and HIGHLY Recommended!

Barbara Rose, Ph.D. author of Stop Being the String Along: A Relationship Guide to Being THE ONE and If God Was Like Man
Editor, inspire! magazine

Since we like to take turns coming up with ideas to spice things up and she sometimes get sex theme "blocked," this little book gived her a basis for some wonderful encounters.

The cool thing about this book is that it isn't corny. After we went through it, I realized that I knew the answers to most of the questions but it was good to revisit them and then be able to say Okay.... I am ready to get married. Plus your partner will be nicely surprised to know how much he has been sharing, you actually remembered about him.

As a part-time minister who helps couples design and compose their own wedding ceremonies, I found this book helpful - as a 'tickler' to me in my interviewing and working with couples as well as a book to recommend to couples who are thinking about getting married. In my day job, as a therapist, I see too many couples who did not take the time to ask themselves and each other some of these important questions before deciding to marry.
This book can be helpful if given without judgment in the spirit of friendship and support.

If I had read and answered the questions in this book before I got married the first time, I most likely would have not married my first wife and it would have saved us a lot of heart ache. This second time around, not married yet, I am going through all the questions of this book and they are very poignant and practical. Every couple contemplating marriage needs to buy this, read it, answer all the questions together. It will give them a better picture of the realities they will be facing as a married couple and it will cause them to reflect and ponder the real issues perhaps causing the poor thinking due to infatuation to subside. I highly recommend it.

I received the book through Amazon's Marketplace, at a reduced price. The sender the very courteous and the book was sent in a timely manner and in very good shape. Thanks Larry! I've already glanced through the book and, wow!....I'm impresssed with the content. I'm looking forward to sharing those questions with my new-found friend. Yes, I'm liking him in that way :).
Thanks Amazon...and thanks again Larry. Kudos to you.
Camilla

This has been a great tool in getting my boyfriend and I to talk through different issues before marriage. Some of the questions we've skipped over simply because we knew the answers already. Others we've asked before, but it's always good to get a refresher! Other questions were ones we've never thought of before, which are exciting to ask.

I would recommend this book for any couple who is seriously thinking about marriage because it gives a bunch of ideas for you and your special someone to talk about to get to know one another better. It's also a good tool to help determine whether you guys are really right for one another. There is also a section of questions to ask family and friends, which is nice.

Anyone composing a list of essential marriage and pre-marital books, would do a disservice to omit this one. Dr. Lehman has done a wonderful service in presenting this book on sex directed at Christian couples. However, even non-religious couples could probably take something away. This book is frank, humorous, and overall worth your time. Aside from what you'd expect from a typical book on sex, there are also many wise words here. As a way to get your marriage started off right or to turn it around, this book is a concrete way to help make that happen.

Insightful and full of good ideas for either spouse.Thoughtfully written, well-researched and supported, and the author is his usual hilarious self.
I also recommend my favorite book in this matter: I Love You. Now What?: Falling in Love is a Mystery, Keeping It Isn't

A great Christian perspective on how great marital sex could/should be!! Written in such a way to put the reader at ease but to also get you to thinking about what you can do to "help things."

Initially I thought I was reading a really erotic book. Christians may find this book offensive because of all the things the author speaks about and ways of improving your marriage via sex. I am here that this book isn't so much about sex (although I can tell you that this book has a lot of sex and how it can be used to not only improve your sex life, but improve you marriage, especially if your marriage has entered a stage of boredom, stagnation, or on the verge of divorce), but on how the 'other' spouse thinks. Men: do yourself a favor-- GET THIS BOOK! You will understand your wife so much and she will love you for it. Women: GET THIS BOOK! Now you will understand why men do what they do and why they seem aloof to you. This is one phenomenal book that I have begun to re-read it a second time, only this time, I have my notebook handy and taking notes. The BEST part is that he uses Biblical passages on why God is the author of sex and why if done His way, you can't possibly go wrong. There is one spot I am a little iffy on, and that has to do with oral sex but this is a subject left to each and every Christian couple to decide if this is for them or not. I strongly suggest this book, if not only to learn how to understand your spouse but to break that taboo way of thinking that sex is a dirty word. It isn't. God intended Christians to have fun during sex. Dr. Leman will show you will Biblically and in a way you never thought. EXCELLENT!

This book is extremely open and honest. I loved it and read it in a couple days. My husband is planning to read it too. It helped me remember what life was like before kids.