Sex Relationships Books

Joe Quirk dances away from all the problems with self-help books, embraces the good parts of science books, and blends in his own character. The result is a hilarious ride through science with lots of "give me pause" and "change my perspective" that self-help books try to deliver and science books never seem to bother with.
My favorite part was the "aquatic ape" theory.
The best line in the book, Pg 138 "...in order to orgasm, some women need to concentrate, and some men, to put off orgasm, need to think about something else. My method is to list each Yankee baseball player's batting average. The second a man thinks about what he's actually doing, it's over. So the only way a man can enjoy sex is to not think about what he's doing. Can you blame us if we extend this strategy to relationships?"

A fun and funny spin on evolutionary biology. Sex: a serious topic at its silliest. Good reading, full of clever lines and information perfect for sharing at cocktail parties.

It is not often that you find a book that informs as well as amuses. This is for everything they left out of sex-ed when you were a kid.

I teach a college-level seminar for science-phobes using popular science literature. Of all the books I have ever used, on any topic, this was the hands-down favorite. The seminar was titled Sex, Gender and Love: A Biological View, and this book covered the love part -- haha. I read it alternately being annoyed at the corny (but devilishly clever) jokes and laughing out loud in spite of myself. Most of all, though, I was impressed by the research that went into each of the chapters and the way Quirk made all our human sexual foibles explicable and hilarious -- nothing better than laughing at ourselves since we're stuck with us! Thanks!

The best book on sexual evolutionary biology. Why both men and women seem to be on different planets. Hm... is there a catchier title?
Perhaps, but not a better book.

Unfortunately, despite his extensive bibliography, Joe Quirk (What the blazes kind of name is that for a scientific researcher? ) does not have a Phd. Neither is he buddies with Oprah, so I doubt this will top the besteller list.

Never mind. I've suffered through many academese imbued evolutionary snoozefests texts. This one will keep you wide awake, I promise.

What Quirk has is brilliance, and (gasp!) an ability to write. He must have had some alpha ancestors during the pleistocene era that could spin some awesome tales by the campfire.

Among The Table of Contents we find such gems as:

Chapter 9: The Jerk Gene
Chapter 12: Why Women are Coy, Men Clueless
Chapter 26: Free Love Causes War

And, for a smaple paragraph:

" Men are attracted to nubility and health. Women are attracted to nobility and wealth. Both want intelligence, kindness, and opulence.
Both want a good sense of humor. They'll need it. "


As will the reader.
An easy 5 stars.

It seemed like the author could have found more to do with her time than think of ways to catch a cheating mate. If her mate was cheating, couldn't she just listen to her intuition and spend her time doing something worthwhile? Also, these are all tactics that we've known about for years. Not foolprooof, by the way.

This has got to be the BEST book ever written on the subject of infidelity ! If you suspect that your spouse or - SO - is cheating on you - then you will never regret purchasing this book. The author is a pretty incredible person, as well :)

This is a terrific quick read for any woman who thinks her mate might be straying or has strayed. It's very funny and very thought provoking.

It does not tell you how to get revenge. After you read the book, you won't want to anyway but you will gain something more valuable - clarity.

Some of her ideas on how to catch your cheating mate are downright hysterical. My favorite part though (and the part I wish I'd done when I finally confronted my cheating mate) was to always have a reason ready when asked "what are you doing looking at my xxxx credit card bill?". I also loved her explanation of how to watch for and how to handle the "Jedhi Mind Games". This ability comes in handy in all types of situations - not just in confronting a cheating spouse.

Enjoy this book!

If you want to uncover infidelity, this book will help you do that. It's a funny read, that will give you all of the information you need to catch them in the act. Once you've caught them, then it's up to you if you want to work it out or not.

Along with this book is Barbara Rose's "Stop Being the String Along". This book will give you all of the information you need as to exactly what to do (no punches pulled in this book either!)

I recommend both books for dealing with infidelity!

WORTH EVERY PENNY AND THEN SOME !!!

How ANYONE could think otherwise, is beyond ME !!!

I am not, a professional book reviewer, so I speak only from my heart ...

I am a betrayed spouse. When I first suspected, that my husband was seeing another woman, my first thought, was to run to the book store, and pull every book, off the shelves, that dealt with, infidelity and so I did ... Had quite a stack of them, next to my chair and I spent weeks, looking thru them ALL, and found that, Danine Manette's book, "Ultimate Betrayal", was and is the only book, that truly, "got ME" and "helped ME" ... In fact, she probably saved my life. Dealing with infidelity is a "roller coaster ride" at best and when one first finds out, the cheating spouse, will most likely, lie, lie, lie, and - you - the betrayed spouse, will believe them, for a while ... making yourself feel like you are going crazy. Not a good place to be ... Ms. Manette's book, gave me hope, courage, guidance, humor, and it's all condensed into one - easy read - treasure cove - of excellent information! IF you suspect that your spouse is having an affair, this book is for you. Do not purchase another one, until you have read this one, PLEASE !!!

Simply - the BEST - BETTER - than all the rest !!!!! Once you start reading it, you will not be able to put it down, it's that good ...

I recently read this book prior to being married. It was invaluable. Very eye opening and stimulating. Mr. Wilson uses plain, no-nonsense language to speak to men in the way they need to hear, to tell them the things they need to know of the Bibles stance on a variety of sexual issues. My now wife read a chapter that I showed her prior to our wedding and said that it helped her immensly and even releived some of the wedding night anxiety she was feeling.

This essay is thorough in its presentation of the Scriptural passages relevant to the different issues of sexual morality: adultery, homosexuality, abstinence before marriage, etc. But that's it. The relevant passages from Scripture are presented, Mr. Wilson assures us that he agrees with them, and that's that. In other words, anyone seeking to understand WHY the Scriptures testify to a certain code of sexual morality will find nothing here.

Most people are familiar with the principles of strict Christian sexual virtue, even if they cannot recite the verses of the Bible that teach it. So teaching abstinence and chastity is not primarily a matter of explaining to people what they must and must not do: they already know all that. What most people are confused about is WHY they must be chaste. So many Christians today say, my faith and trust for eternal salvation are in Christ, I am saved... so why shouldn't I have sex with my girlfriend? Or my gay lover? They just don't see any connection between the Western Christian message of salvation and a strict code of sexual morality, and Wilson's book here will offer them no further insight.

Why does God care how we conduct ourselves sexually? Didn't Christ say, "Let no one call anything the Father has created unclean?" And didn't the Father create sex? So why would sex upset Him? How is chastity relevant to the spiritual life? How and why will unchaste thoughts and behavior corrupt our hearts? When people encounter sexual temptations they are very powerful and without a thorough grasp of the implications of our moral choices and lifestyles to the spiritual life and salvation, very few find themselves strong enough to resist it.

Again, this book only outlines the principles of chastity in a legalistic manner that is based in Protestant Pietism. If the moral reprimand of Scripture strikes fear into your heart, this might be enough to keep you straight. But few people today, Christian or not, are afraid of the Bible.

Sexual virtue as rightly understood in the context of the historical, apostolic Christian faith is a matter of asceticism: to understand why one must struggle to remain sexually chaste, one must first understand why he must fast, why he must deny his impulses and desires generally. So a substantial explanation of the necessity of asceticism is prerequisite to any discussion of sexual chastity; but Wilson does not seem to understand this, and offers no insight in this regard. If you seek a deeper understanding of Christian sexual morality, then, I recommend The Freedom of Morality by Christos Yannaras and Ascending the Heights: A Layman's Guide to the Ladder, by Fr. John Mack.

As I was working my way through the Canon Press family series I went ahead and read Fidelity. Although it's written for men, I think many (though not all) Christian women will find, as I did, that it is a useful corrective to the misinformation they've been assaulted with all their lives. It's not that I learned anything new or surprising about sex in this book; it was more that, especially in the last chapter, Mr. Wilson creates a picture of godly sexuality that puts all the old information into the right context and in the right proportions -- like reassembling a Picasso into a Rembrandt.

I wasn't sure if I should read this book -- it might as well have a "No Girls Allowed" sign on it -- but I am glad I did. Someone needs to write a version that women aren't afraid to buy or read. (Yes, I've read Elisabeth Elliot's books, but they aren't quite on the same level.) Ironically, it may be the very desire to protect the purity of Christian women that tends to keep such a purifying book out of the hands of those whom it might benefit. Granted, women who were lovingly shielded from exposure to what the world has to say (and show and tell) about sex probably don't need it, so Fidelity might do them more harm than good. But for women to whom the harm has already been done -- by their own sin or others', by misinformation or abuse, by media or "education" -- it should be considered as a possible curative. For me, reading Fidelity was like giving my soul a long-needed bath.

(Adapted from a post on my blog.)

I have read other books like this before, but none hold a candle to Wilson in this regard. Fidelity is a must read for every Christian man, married or not. Wilson is blunt, biblical and pastoral in how he treats topics such as fornication, masturbation, rape, adultery etc. He provides a balanced perspective that doesn't pull punches - he truly calls a spade a spade.
His use of contemporary jargon and slang to heighten the sense of obscenity in ungodly actions is excellent - and makes for a memorable and entertaining read.
Wilson uses solid exegesis that doesn't bend or twist the text. He hits the nail on the head every time.
Please buy this book and when you're done reading it, pass it around.

I enjoyed this book because he gets to the heart of the issue surrounding our struggle with lust. I am so used to church talks and lust conquering books that offer a somewhat self-reliant approach. "Struggling with pornography? Get rid of your computer." Well, you may not have a computer, but lust is still festering inside you and as all of us know, you are still going to struggle. Douglas goes beyond the typical approach and convicts the sin. He plainly shows you how ugly lust is and what it does. Then the Holy Spirit steps in and does the necessary work to change the ROOT of the problem.

Instead of offering a bunch of cute ideas on how to boundary your life, he just attacks the sin. From there, if we are honest with our selves, we know what needs to be done. It seems that nothing is better for dealing with sin than good'old conviction.

I read this a couple weeks ago. SOme paragraphs, I totally skim read since they were LOONG example stories, and sale pitches for the author's seminars... but I've begun to relate in a different way with the men I meet-date-know and I totally like this new and honest approach, it does simplify things and eases up on any after the date guilt that I may feel if I don't necessarily find the man atractive or a match for me. I recommend this book.

Sorry...written by a woman for women and I am a man....We are different species when it comes to this stuff, but an interesting viewpoint none the less.

I read every single page of this book and everything in it was right on target. I mean it's sad but you do have to be yourself. I mean we all at some point in the beginning act like someone were not or fall in love to easily. This book covers and has so many useful advice I don't feel the need to go on, as you should get the hit.

Another great book I've found and let me tell you it changed my life was "How to get the Woman of your dreams using the internet" Now this was another book that opened my eyes and showed me everything I needed to know to be succcessful and also what to watch out for. There are so many scams and terrible people out there in cyberspace. No i'm sorry ladies the Author does have one for you too! "How to get the Man of your dreams using the Internet" All I can say is It WORKS!!

I have found this book and other books by this author extremely helpful. I have been married for one year and I credit Dr. Campbell's philosophy and what I learned from these books as a big part of why my marriage is so rich, intimate, and satisfying. That said, this approach takes a great deal of courage. It is not for the faint of heart. For those willing to risk being truly open, however, the rewards are exceptional.

When you date in the traditional manner--trying to manage outcomes and get people to like you--you are left living or dating in fear, wondering when you are going to be 'found out' and the love will be lost. Gay Hendricks presents the alternative, one that only some people have discovered on their own.

I read Truth in Dating after reading Getting Real most of Brad Blanton's books on Radical Honesty. I found this book to be the best of the genre because it artfully disperses theory, practice, and examples in a format that is easy to digest and relate to.

This really helps single moms with juggling babies and the dating world. It is filled with good, comphrensive infomation that doesn't leave the reader wondering "What was that again?" I am so glad I found it! I also liked and would suggest Dating Sense: The Practical Way to Meet, Date and Marry the Right Person.

Here is a book that goes straight to the heart of the matter in relationship. Couples who follow the advises and exercises as prescribed in this book will experience a relief and more attraction to each other. From a man perspective I truly strongly recommend this book. Dr. Israel King,Ph.D. Author of How To Keep A Man

I'm never disappointed with Gary Smalley's advice. So much good information it is difficult to take in all at once. I may not always like it but he is seldom wrong. I like the way the uses his and others "win's" and "losses" to get the point across. This is a book I'll need to re-read and I'm sure my wife will appreciate his advice too.

This book will bless Your Marriage and Your walk with the Lord. Gary Smalley is truly a blessed author and this book has been blessed. Read this book and Your walk with the Lord will grow, and your marriage will be off the scale! Excellent book!!!

The author of this book is a therapist with decades of experience and a successful 35-year marriage. His book is written in a friendly, accessible style. Unfortunately, his informality extends to the lack of an index, list of references, or resource list. It is important to note that, though the author does not spell this out, the book is clearly aimed at couples whose marriages are suffering from relatively mild interpersonal emotional neglect due to passivity and/or passive-aggression. I do not believe the advice in this book would be helpful for couples enduring traumas such as entrenched, extensive verbal abuse, physical violence, addictions, or mental illness.

The aspect of this book I am most impressed with is the framework for Smalley's advice, five levels of communication involved in achieving intimacy: (1) Sharing cliches. The meaningless chatter strangers exchange presents zero emotional risk to those engaged in it. (2) Sharing facts. Stating bald facts about surface events in your life or the lives of others involves the slight risk of getting the facts wrong and being challenged on it. Note: Smalley does not go into the complicated scenario of sharing explosive, secret facts, which can involve an enormous amount of risk. (3) Sharing opinions. Stating individual opinions, concerns and expectations results in greater emotional risk than cliches or (non-explosive) facts because opinions can be criticized--and very likely will be if the opinion is critical of the person it is offered to. (4) Sharing significant feelings. Offering one's feelings, especially one's deepest, truest feelings, brings high risk because we are hoping to be listened to and valued, but we may be rejected and invalidated instead. (5) Sharing needs. Smalley sees sharing personal and relationship needs as more risky than sharing feelings. He offers a simple personality typology as an aid to couples in realizing that a good portion of their conflict may be due to them having very different personalities. (By the way, if this subject interests you, search Amazon for the topic "Myers-Briggs" and really have some fun.) Smalley believes that the solution to dealing with the conflicts inevitably arising out of differing personalities is "honoring." He defines this as not only respecting your partner's differences, but treasuring them, and committing yourself to making your partner the number one priority in your life.

Over the course of the book, the author offers illustrative examples of ways in which couples can become trapped in the communication of strangers and/or casual acquaintances. He states that the door to sharing significant feelings and needs, the realm of true intimacy, is the conflict caused by sharing opinions. He offers advice on how to move safely through this phase by using techniques which communicate "honoring." He believes the latter builds enough trust to permit the next two levels of risk, sharing feelings and needs.

In my opinion, the following relationships are most likely to find this book useful: (1) Troubled marriages. If your marriage is "merely" suffering from interpersonal emotional neglect, and underneath all the problems both of you retain goodwill to each other and a strong desire to save your marriage through hard work, I believe this book would be a good adjunct to ongoing marriage counseling. If your therapist doesn't know about this book, you could take it to him/her and ask to work from it as a couple doing weekly "homework" from it assigned and encouraged by the counselor to help you improve communication in order to gain greater intimacy. (2) New couples. This book can teach couples who are moving toward commitment, who are engaged, or very early in marriage what kind of communication they need to develop, from the start, to have consistent, long-term intimacy. But only IF the pair reads it together and both agree they want to communicate like this. Intimacy is not a one-sided affair. (3) Healthy marriages. People who have excellent relationships already can learn from this book to be more conscious about what they are doing that works so they will be sure to keep on doing it. (4) Friendships. If you are wondering why you feel alienated from or constantly hurt by a certain "very good friend" of yours, this book can help you find out why. It can also help you realize what kind of people you'd like to choose as intimate friends in the future.

Final recommendation: If you find this book helpful, you may also appreciate a fabulous book on healing emotional unavailability in men (most of Smalley's emotionally unavailable clients are men). It is called In the Company of Men: A New Approach to Healing for Husbands, Fathers, & Friends, by Marvin Allen.

I read Gary Smalley's "Secrets To Lasting Love" at the request of Rev. McLaren the minister who married my wife and I (almost six years ago). Now given that I haven't looked at this book in a few years I'm going to restrict this review to what this book has done for my wife and I.

Prior to reading Mr. Smalley's work I constantly lived in a place in my mind where I didn't really communicate with my wife. I was afraid of confrontation, and anytime it came down to talking over issues that needed to be discussed I wanted nothing to do with it. I distinctly remember reading this book and Mr. Smalley pointing out that people really rob themselves in intamacy by not talking. He quickly points out that couples need to talk about the things they don't want to talk about the most. This is hard work (trust me I know), but is vital to true intimacy. Marriages don't grow without talking about the very things you don't want to discuss. Now doing this without blaming your spouse, without accusations, without harsh speech is not as easy as think. But if you want your marriage to flourish the way God intended these skills are vital. I don't remember everything that's in this book (I should review it again myself), but I can tell you that what I've applied works like a champ.

God Bless Your Heart...

P.S. To the person who keeps attacking all my faith based reviews keep going. I know I must be on the right track.

This is a 'get back to fundamentals' kind of book: nuts and bolts stuff you may know, but might not remember about relationships. Or stuff you never learned, because you didn't get enough real love growing up. Simple, but powerful. Prepare to hold the mirror close.

I can't stress enough how great this book is. I have witnessed the emense changes in not only myself, but in all of those I know he read it. Everything it teaches makes so much sense, but unlike many other "self-help" books, it also comes with a web-site and support groups to help you put what you've learned into practice. For the first time in my life, I can honestly say...I am happy!

On my journey through life I have learned much about spirituality and psychology, no where have I ever understood the "how" of putting the principles I desired into action in my life. Finally I have found it. This is the greatest wisdom I have ever encountered. It is so simple and transforms everything. A huge thank you to Dr. Baer for his efforts. Every human being needs to read this book!

I read this psycho-junk and that is exactly what it is. Ask the good doctor about his first failed marriage and how that came about. Sounds like "conditional love" to me. I would give it a negative five if I could.

This is the worst book I have ever laid my eyes on. It has nothing to do with anything "real." In fact, it was all about not taking responsibility for anything you do, and not expecting anything from anyone. I shudder to think that this actually got published. My dog could write something better than this rubbish!

I just got this book in the mail today. I started to read it before I gave it to my husband. Let me tell you, I was getting turned on just thinking about him doing some of this stuff. I can't wait for him to read it and start doing his thing with me. It's not only GREAT but its easy to read. I've done a million things for my husband and after reading only a few things in this book. I have new ideas. Of course I'm going to give him some time to do them first :)

LA Hunter offers some terrific ideas for loving your lady. Men will relate to the clever way it's written with sports references. While the delivery is light hearted, the content is rock solid.

If there was ever a book that begged for a sequel, this is it. All those romantic Romeos deserve royal treatment in return. LA, will "Juliet's Playbook" be your encore?

Hunter's goal in writing this book is to show how simple it is to change a poor relationship into a loving, rewarding, and exciting one. Hunter is writing this to men, sharing insights into a woman's expectations, enjoyment, and emotional and sexual needs. The book features a sports theme. This format is to attract a man's attention. This approach also will hold your attention as the reader. The book is to help you strategize and execute your Romeo playbook. The author takes you through the steps of getting off the bench, moving to first base, then on to second, and third base, and finally to hitting a home run.

The author presents a suggestion for action. This is followed with a position statement, a plan for execution, and a coach's tip. Chapters include intellectual acts to insure your partner's self esteem. This chapter gives pointers on the importance of touch, of being a gentleman, the importance of romantic dates, and of gift giving. Hunter then moves on to setting moods for intimacy.

The book includes a chapter called "Coach's Extras" with helpful lists. and a helpful bibliography.

The final chapter is entitled "Record Book". Templates are provided for keeping a record of your plays and for creating your own personal romantic game plan.

Simple suggestions fill each chapter. Ideas are given for endearing communication, planning simple informal, meaningful dates, to more formal celebration occasions. I am already planning my next week's strategy. Hunters suggestions help will put a smile on the face, and a twinkle in the eye of that special someone in your life.

This is a man's guide for enhancing his love relationship. It is full of reminders to continue your courtship and reestablish affirming expressions of communication. Whether your marriage is rocky or secure the suggestions in this book when put into practice will bring freshness to your marriage. This guidebook if properly followed, will enhance your marriage relationship. You will see it grow and blossom into a mature, exciting, rewarding, ongoing love affair.

I really enjoyed this book because of its refreshing approach towards relationships.
Instead of portraying dating in terms of war, it refreshingly reminds us what courtship is really about.
You can enjoy an especially good relationship by showing women that you appreciate their value and consider them true partners in your life.
Highly recommended for those dating, and even those already married.

When I first got my hands on this book, I was wondering if it was going to be one of those negative game playing books on relationships. I was so relieved to discover that it wasn't. Romeo's Playbook is written by female author L.A. Hunter. When I started reading her suggestions, I kept thinking, "I want someone to treat me like that." Gentlemen, if you want to know how women want to be treated, in this book you go directly to the source and get your information from a woman.

Basically her advice involves common sense and consideration for your partner, be it man or a woman. It seems like in relationships, when the honeymoon stage wears off, these two components get dropped somewhere. Her play list really involves showing your partner respect and showing them that you love them. Many times it is just by using the right words. Women could also use much of this advice for how they treat their men.

The first part of the book offers advice and lists how to put the advice to work. It includes some helpful tips. The second part of the book has a worksheet to keep track of important dates and a record of her likes and dislikes. This is not a bad record to keep. It is really disappointing to keep getting chocolate, when you have let your mate know that you don't like it, or god forbid, you are allergic to it! The third section offers a place for you to keep track of plays that you have developed on your own and the fourth part allows you to journal information on what you have tried and whether or not you need to adjust your delivery.

This really does sound like some game playing, but when the plays involve things like, "Don't go to bed upset, Learn from your mistakes, or never make racy comments about another woman's body," you really can't take offense at the rules. Hunter also explains why these rules should be followed. As a woman, I would like to think that explanations should not be necessary, but too often I have seen situations that should not have occurred and see that it is important for the man to understand things from the woman's perspective.

I highly recommend this book to many people. First of all I recommend it to my future boyfriend/husband whoever he is, wherever he is. I also recommend it to my ex-husband and several ex-boyfriends. I think things could have been a lot different if they had read this book. Ladies, if you feel your man or a gentleman friend just doesn't have a clue about now to treat a woman, this is the book for them.

Bravo to these ladies for making co-habitation fun! All too often I get caught up in expectations - mostly from myself. This book taught me to laugh at it all and just have fun being with the guy who's sleeping next to me. That's all it really has to be after all - a good time. Thank you authoresses for a fantastic read!

I did enjoy reading this book and it is very helpful for someone who is unsure about how it is going to work out living with someone. It gives you live scenarios from real people's situations. I found that this book was greatly helpful in my decision to move in with my boyfriend. It made realize a few things as well. Something I suggest everyone read for one reason or another when considering moving in with her man.

What a great book for our generation! So many women choose co-habitation before marriage but we are limited in the advice we can seek. "The Good Girls Guide to Living in Sin: The New Rules for Moving In With Your Man" is filled with great advice to consider before taking the next step in your relationship. It is insightful, humorous, and filled with great advice. There are plenty of books to read once you decide to get married but this is the one for the "real" next step many of us take.

"While nothing prepares us for what marriage is going to be like, the same can be said of divorce with children." ~ Joshua Coleman

How do you let go of your fairy-tale idea of marriage, maintain harmony and also take care of your children in a nurturing environment...when you no longer feel "in love" with your partner? This brings out a variety of complex issues that create waves of emotional response even for those who have yet to consider their options. When you decide to enter into a long-term relationship, you may not be aware of the challenges ahead.

"..the heady phase of newfound romance doesn't last, and that's often a disappointment, no matter how seasoned we are in relationships. It's disheartening because it means that we have to either break up or start dealing with our expectations of what a real relationship is going to be like with this person. This means moving into the uncomfortable realm of facing the imperfections of our partner and ourselves."

In the throws of initial infatuation and limerence, the future seems perfectly ordered and you can't imagine ever wanting to be apart from the person you imagine is your soul mate. Then the chemicals wear off and you start to experience the roller coaster ride of marriage that has highs and lows and various stages where we enter challenges that require personal growth. This is the time where either your heart takes over or your mind kicks into high gear and you start to solve problems with creative flair or a determination to save your marriage "no matter what."

Joshua Coleman provides a wise and compassionate view of marriage. He understands the dangers the dissolution of the family presents. He understands how parents worry about their children when they are away from home and why providing a caring and nurturing environment is better for the long-term emotional stability of children. As parents move through stages of denial, anger and bargaining they may come to a moment of acceptance and then find the required compassion to forgive and then move forward into a new stage of the relationship.

If you think your childhood is affecting your marriage, there is an entire chapter on the subject. Being neglected as a child is just as painful as being abused and the affects can later appear in your own marriage. This book sheds light on how the neglect or abuse causes you to react in your own marriage and how this can affect your children. With each problem, there is also a solution. The "Path for Change" sections give ideas for how to adapt or reverse situations that are completely in your control. This book will also help you understand why criticism can seem to be an act of betrayal or why self-destructive behaviors can be an attempt to manage fear. This chapter is especially interesting as it explains problems in a marriage from a perspective I had never considered.

"If your parent was depressed or neglectful, there might have been a reversal of roles. Rather than having the experience of being taken care of, you may have had to take care of your parent." ~Joshua Coleman

Imperfect Harmony is a book for anyone who is married, whether they have children or are considering starting a family. Even if you never intend to have children, but you are considering a divorce, this book could explain the real reasons your relationship is falling apart and there may be time to save your marriage. If you are depressed, this book also shows that when you are in a difficult relationship, it can affect your self-esteem. Anxiety, social withdrawal, sleep problems and decreased pleasure are only some of the effects discussed in this brilliant and enlightening book.

What can you do when your partner is depressed?
How do you deal with your own needs in a marriage?
What do you do when a partner withdraws sexually? (The humorous "Eleven Strategies to Guarantee a Bad Sex Life" is rather revealing and gives ideas for change.)
How do you avoid having an affair when your needs are not being met?
What should you do when a partner is verbally abusive?
How can you reduce conflict?

The "Eleven Ways to Work on Yourself" is a good way to balance out your life and create new priorities. The "Different Kinds of Marriage" encourage you to accept the stage your marriage is currently in or is heading towards.

Joshua Coleman presents creative ways to save your marriage that include everything from an "in-house separation" to "planning to separate after the kids are grown."

This is a must-read manual for marriage. This book will give hope to anyone who is married and feels that they are struggling to save a marriage alone. It will also provide a much-needed escape into "someone understands." With this book, you may truly be able to save your marriage and create a situation where you feel comfortable and secure. In this environment, you can then face all the additional challenges of raising children and balancing your career, emotional needs and spiritual goals.

For many, divorce is not an option and this book helps anyone in a situation where they are determined to stay married. Too often people casually advise walking away from a marriage, when truly a marriage is a learning experience and one of the most challenging experiences of your life. They don't seem to understand what you are fighting for and for some people, their marriage is extremely important and not something they casually entered into without consideration.

It is very satisfying to see an author take on this subject and make "staying married" very possible. This book will empower women who want to stay married! It is also a book that will give you deeper insight into the issues facing everyone who is married. We are all on a journey towards balance in our lives and this book is an excellent guide to balancing your needs with the needs of your children.

~The Rebecca Review
10 years and counting...

We have been married for twenty-seven years. Although our children are no longer at home, my husband and I were inspired by Dr. Coleman's book. We thought an alternative title could have been "How to Have a Satisfying Marriage". He recommends taking responsibility for one's own life and not looking to a partner for completion. Although a great read, Dr. Coleman's scholarly work draws on the research of anthropologists, psychologists and scientists. This is a book for all those who wish to be fulfilled in their own lives. We give this book two thumbs up!

In a sea of glib, peppy books that promise to transform a messy marriage into a fairy-tale romance in six (or seven or nine) easy steps, Imperfect Harmony is a bastion of practicality, sanity, and hope. No bogus promises here. If you want to stay together for your kids or just want to have a happier marriage, this smart, no-hype volume gives you a detailed roadmap for navigating your way through complex relationship issues.

Author Joshua Coleman never sugar-coats or flinches from the less-than-glamorous truth. He furnishes a toolbox of practical suggestions and exercises that can help you improve and sweeten your marriage. Real-life examples, drawn from Coleman's psychotherapy practice, illustrate in unvarnished detail exactly how couples can work to resolve specific issues. The outcomes may not always be sprinkled with self-help pixie dust, but they work in the real world.

Imperfect Harmony is radical in its perspective, compassionate in its tone, and rare in its honesty. Its no-bull quality is refreshing and somehow reassuring. This is a generous book, and the author seems to genuinely care about his readers. If you're looking for a quick fix (hey, let me know if you find one) or don't want to work on your marriage, this book isn't for you. But if you want to build a more loving, lasting relationship, this book could make all the difference.

Dr. Coleman's work is surely to raise an eyebrow or two for its novel approach to resolving marital discord and dissatisfaction. His premise that the adults in the relationship should work for a rapproachment (if total peace is not possible) for the sake of the children will not be popular in a culture where no-fault divorce is the preferred solution.

What I love about this book is the way Dr. Coleman approaches marriage; realistically. You may have started out with what you felt was a "match made in heaven," or you may have been under an illusion that yours was a match made in heaven, but when things look like they are going south, this does not mean you bail.

Can you accept half a loaf (half a loaf is better than none)? How about a quarter or even an eighth of a loaf to ensure that your child's life is disrupted as little as possible? After all, it is all about the kids.

This book has a number of vignettes where Dr. Coleman is working with clients to change their expectations, or at the least help them to establish realistic expectations. He even goes so far to instruct partners how to live separate lives within their own home if getting along is no longer an option.

Imperfect Harmony takes a look at marriage unlike any book I have ever read on the subject. Sometimes things happen and things don't work out, but this is not to mean that everyone (especially the children) cannot live happily ever after.

If your marriage is in trouble, if you know someone with marital problems, or if you are interested in the topic of marriage as a counseling profession, this is a wonderful book to have. As a soon-to-be counselor I can actually envision myself using this book in couples and family therapy; assigning parts of the book for the clients to read for discussion in therapy.

Five plus stars for Imperfect Harmony.

As a pastor, I have read many books on the subject of helping marriages because that is an important part of my ministry. However, this is the most radical, realistic and useful book I have ever seen. It is applicable not only to the average marriage but also to the more challenging ones like depression, personality disorders, alcoholism, and addictions.

I am very disappointed with many Christian authors of books on marriage who are so unreal and with many authors of books for family members of the mentally ill who don't say enough. Here is a book I can use in counseling others

After 10 years of marriage, a man's wife was diagnosed as a high functioning person with borderline personality disorder. Afterwards, she did not function on the same level as before.

For three and a half years, her husband did about everything Dr. Coleman says not to do in his chapter on depression in marriage. As a result, he ended up depressed himself after giving too much of himself away trying to hold the family together.

With the help of therapists and reading books like Imperfect Harmony, Wild at Heart, and No More Mr. Nice Guy, he found help to grow a long way from where he was a year and a half ago.

Marriage to anyone with a mental illness or addiction is under extreme pressure. Staying married for the children's sake and still be happy or wondering if you should stay married in such an imperfect harmony is the theme of this book.

Coleman writes of the various parts of a hoped for marriage that must be let go of. He writes about getting your focus off the spouse and onto what in your childhood attracted you to such a needy person. The author's definition of "toxic chemistry" is a helpful insight.

He challenges readers to work through their toxic brooding, despair, and chronic feelings of resentment. Then we can develop empathy and emotional seperatedness.

It is crucial to answer his question from chapter 3. How much meaning do you have in your life apart from your marriage?

Contrary to many other authors, he says that communication is not enough. Just because one has imperfect harmony in one's marriage does not mean you should leave.

He proposes good reasons for staying married with children present, even if your spouse is difficult or not fulfilling. Staying in such a marriage need not destroy you to be loved by them. However, he honestly states that in the case of physical abuse and extreme mental health issues the need to leave is very clear.

The major intent of this book is to help readers to see if it possible and necessary to stay in an imperfect harmony with one?s spouse without loosing themselves or their good impact as parents. His chapters on "Depression in Marriage", "The High-Conflict Marriage," and "Is Change Possible" are worth the price of the whole book.

One cannot and must not read this book at supersonic speed. It is a rich book to read, reflect upon, and dwell upon its searching questions. Reading it in conjunction with one's therapist will bring you the most benefits from this book.

Thank you Dr. Coleman for writing this book. I hope seminaries use your book in their marriage and family counseling courses for future pastors.