Sex Relationships Books

OK, so she doesn't really have a Ph.D. -she writes as if she does. The upshot of this book, couched in much psycho-logical saltimbanquery (the author being well armed with such impressive sounding neologisms as "genograms" and "projective identification") is that we often relive the traumas of our childhood in our adult relationships. Sometimes people relive absurd tragicomedies that their parents or grandparents went through. Sometimes people continue a sibling rivalry with their marriage partner, or sometimes a relationship with a parent is the model for their marriage. I always found this observation to be sort of banal at best, painfully obvious at worst. Apparently this is news to most people. Certainly, this appears to be news to the neurotic lackwits whose stories make up the meaty innards of this thing. The doltish lack of self insight and the puerile neuroses of the protagonists will certainly provide the reader with some good belly laughs.

The first pair of specimens: an insanely jealous yuppie shrew who continues to obsess on her oaf of a husband's rather pathetic sounding, previous romantic dalliance. She's apparently worried that the little emotional engagement she's able to wring out of him isn't unique compared to what the bimbo who preceded her managed to get off him. She constantly grills the poor slob on the exact extent of his previous romance, accusing him of all manner of lies and dishonesty because he is sick of hearing about it. The second: a narcissistic adopted into wealth, former hippie, left-wingnut who decided to cheat on his doormat wife to get even with his cold German stepmother. The doormat was a "care giver" stuck in her care-giving relationship with her daddy who died of cancer while she went through puberty. She only gets along with her husband when he's a dependent ne'er do well, which is most of the time (thus mirroring her relationship with daddy). Now, Ms. Scarf makes her living trying to patch things up between such knuckleheads. I make a living advising people on investments. My advice to yuppiedude#1 is to dump the nut, and don't marry another one like her. My advice to caregiver#2 is to dump the nut, and don't marry another one like him. Yuppiedude1 and caregiver2 seemed like fundamentally sound people. Maybe they should date each other. The other two are broken, and should be given contraceptives and jobs in some kind of farm where they can't disturb fully formed members of the human race. Seriously folks: some people are basically bad people. Some of those people are attractive for reasons which you may not fully comprehend. My solution seems much more kind hearted than forcing decent people to deal with fruitcakes because your parents made a mistake.

Now that I'm done making fun of the book, which is as tasteless and horrible as any other "relationship book" I've read (I read lots of them because I enjoy the tasteless and horrible): the upside. If you know someone who keeps dating the "wrong person" or who is in some kind of doomed relationship described by this book, reading this might help them. I think a lot of the advice given is very bad advice for most people, but the fundamental idea that you might be living out someone else's unresolved trauma is an important one. I've bought three copies of the book for friends, and it was an eye opener for them. If people would just heed the old saw, "marry people from a good family," books like this probably wouldn't be necessary. Since nobody believes in common sense any more, books like this have a ready market.

Good stories of partners and their conflicts.... As I've seen when doing couples therapy, we do indeed tend to carry each other's unacknowledged "stuff"...which of course is part (not all!) of the initial attraction, the unconscious logic asking: who can give this back to me? Krishnamurti had a nice image: relationships as mirrors.

I first read this book back in the late 80's - and I have never forgot the lessons I learned from it. I was also reading Harriet Lerner and Melody Beattie at the time and felt that Scarf's writings supported my self-development to understand: 1. Why I continued to attracted relationships that were toxic and unfulfilling, 2. How to recognize the patterns, and then 3. How to not make the same relationship mistakes masked in different people. It definitely made a huge impact on how I viewed my family of origin and it made me look at my own actions and behaviors with new insight. I have referred this book to my clients, as it is an engaging read with the case studies setting up Scarf's insights into the behaviors that transcend our own personal experiences. I highly recommend this book.

I sat down with this book imagining that I'd gain some insight to use in my own marriage. But I could not find much that was pertinent to my own life.

For one thing, the author traces most or all marital problems to
personality and role conflicts in one's family of origin. Life experiences which may have occured before marriage but outside the family of origin are simply passed over, as if they were invisible and did not count.

In the same way, there is silence about the multiple outside forces which may negatively impact the life of a family. Poverty, illness, layoffs, social injustice, none of these are discussed, probably because the couples in this book are financially cushioned against harsh troubles like these.

The more worldly reader may wonder why these couples imagine they have "problems" if their biggest conflicts consists only of who will carry the toilet brush into the first of their THREE bathrooms! Why don't they just hire someone underprivileged so they can get on with their privileged lives?

Anyway, there are a lot of words in this book, but in my opinion, they describe a fairly narrow set of experiences. I was particularly disappointed that more time was not spent on the massive changes that can take place in a marital relationship once children arrives. Especially when the weight of childcare and housework falls more heavily on the woman's shoulders.

There are a lot of omissions which may make this book meaningless for readers outside a certain social class.

There are lots of books that address how external events such as illness or the loss of a loved one can affect one's marriage. This book explains in depth how patterns from your partner's family or your family of origin can impact your marriage without your even being aware of them. With the techniques Scarf describes it's possible to bring these to light and break the hold they have on your relationship. Not a really easy read but most definitely worth it. I have a copy but it's never on my bookshelf -- always loaned out!

This book was the light boost we needed to get back on track with the basics of what makes a sexual relationship work long term! It was easy to read and the info was easily applicable.

This book really described all the things that I kept hearing from my ex-boyfriend when he explained that it was very reasonable for us to have "no relationship" while still being able to call, drop by and text message me all the time, after breaking up with me by a letter on our apartment door. I wish I had read it earlier in our relationship, when we apparently had one, so I could have dealt with him better, but it is definitely helping me not continue to keep in touch with him, and set boundaries for if and when he is allowed back into my life.

This is not an extremely well-written book (lots of typos-- she needs a new editor) and much of it is obvious, but for women who keep falling into relationships with ambivalent men over and over again I can see that it would be helpful (which is why I gave it 4 stars). I think the material could have been included in a 100 page book, especially since the 6 types of ambivalent men are really just 2 or 3 types with overlapping qualities. One thing that struck me as odd was her implication that many ambivalent men are involved in illegal activity. I thought that was a strange leap to make, but I suppose there are some so it's better to be warned. I also found her stories about clients to be a bit hokey. I really read this book to understand myself better... not to understand men and I did get that. The best aspect of the book is that it reiterates over and over that an ambivalent man's behavior has nothing to do with you... his ambivalence is HIS problem based on his past relationships and perceptions of (un)reality. I think that is the most valuable lesson that can be learned from this book. While it wasn't extremely helpful to me (probably because I knew all of this before from therapy) I think it could definitely be helpful to many women who don't know why they keep attracting the wrong kind of man who can't commit.

I bought this book after a sudden break up...turns out I had been dating "The Runner". After reading "The Commitment Cure" everything made sense. And after not contacting him for two months...he came running back. This book opens your eyes to a lot of unhealthy behavior and gives you some great advice and how to deal with it, thiers and your own. I have been recommending this book to everyone I know, women and men. It is a very easy read and it gets straight to the point.
It shows that there are no quick fixes, but there are things you can do. If you are completely confused on what to do about that guy who keeps popping in and out of your life, or the friend who seems to like you but doesn't make the move, or the one who wants to spend every moment with you and then dissapears, this book is for you.

One of the best self-help books out there for getting beyond the see-saw of an off-and-on relationship. It tells it like it is regarding ambivalence in relationships for both men and women, and includes items on how ambivalence manifests itself in the cyber age. It makes it clear why ambivalent relationships aren't enough to grow on, and helps you define and steer clear of bad choices as well as look at how and why you may be selecting the wrong partner(s) for you. A real palate-cleanser and inspiration for those who need to move on from a less-than-adequate relationship situation.

The author identifies six types of commitment-phobic men.

·The Runner
·The Man Who Plays Parlor Games
·The Casual Dater
·The Fling Man
·The Eternal Bachelor
·The Ambivalent Cyber Man

Notice how none of these men have a single redeeming quality? Do you see how each kind of man in his own way victimizes decent and loving women with hearts of gold? I think it's fraudulent to insinuate that a man who won't MARRY you must have some kind emotional "issue". Well, this author should have included an extra type of commitment-phobe, one which I now offer for your consideration and which I think will help some of the women readers who are still clueless about this phenomenon.

·The Guy Who Never Had a Problem Committing Until He Lost His Life Savings to the Very Person To Whom He Was Committed (or Who Watched His Best Friend Lose Everything in a Divorce) And After Working Very Hard For Several Years to Create Financial Security Is Not Now Going To Even Consider Entering Into the Lousiest Contract Ever Conceived Of in Western Civilization And Giving Another Person the Ability to Financially Devaste Him Without Hope of Recovery

Unwillingness to commit to MARRIAGE has much less to do with our sexual predilections to have multiple partners, our emotional immaturity, or even our fear that we don't truly deserve genuine love (the kind that only the reader of this book has the courage to seek and provide) than this author thinks. It has a lot to do with the accumulation of wealth, its preservation, and our inability to see how the legal contract makes the relationship even MORE desirable, or how it actually adds anything to the relationship that isn't already there WITHOUT the lousy contract.

It's not a mystery to me why some men won't commit. To me, the mystery is why nobody is talking about the REAL problem, which is how marriage has failed men and women, both as a legal contract, and as a government-subsidized program. And if you check the statistics, it apparently doesn't seem to be helping those who pursue it as a sacrament of their faith...the divorce rate is no lower among the churched than the non-churched.

Reviewed by Melissa LaMunyon for RebeccasReads (6/08)

Christian George's provocative title and the stylish cover of his latest book, "Sex, Sushi and Salvation" is a perfect example of the new movement in the Christian faith. Young Christians of all creeds and from every part of the country are seeking far more from their faith and their churches: more depth, more philosophy, more intimacy and more practicality. Apparently, theology and spiritual thought are not just for pastors anymore.

Reflecting on his childhood, mission work, the courtship of his wife, Rebecca, and his world travels, George draws a multicolored, many hued picture of his life experiences for the reader. Using an intense, poetic and descriptive style, George takes the reader on a rambling journey through his life as he demonstrates the universal human needs of intimacy, community and hope for eternal life through the eyes of his faith. Combined within the stories from his life, George waxes theological; drawing on many scriptural passages until he gradually intertwines the bite-sized chapters together at the end.

I appreciated George's fresh and frank approach to this book and to life. A few of the stories stood out to me in particular; one was an encounter with a young Russian girl during a mission trip. When George gently refuses the teenage girl's offer of sex (not without pause, he admits) he finds out that he is the first man who has ever turned this young girl away. After a brief period of awkwardness, the two are able to have real conversations about life and God.

George has a passion for pilgrimages and a thorough knowledge of Christian history. During one of the vignettes, George describes his exploration of the country side around a European monastery and musing over the early monastic life; what it would mean to completely have the focus of ones life being in the pursuit of knowing God. Using his vivid style, George tries to imagine what it would be like to live in one of the caves around the monastery during all kinds of weather and without any modern conveniences. These kind of rambling stories make up the bulk of "Sex, Sushi and Salvation."

My only issue with the book was the occasional over use of descriptive language. While George's style is certainly unique and appealing, it felt as though he was trying too hard to be clever, and a little shocking, in the first few chapters. Another important note; this is directed towards those of the Christian faith. Seekers or spiritualists would be better off looking elsewhere for reading material. Christians, however, of all walks will enjoy this book, and George's fresh approach to theological writing is surely to be well received.

George provides a thick Christianity for a watered down culture. As a prophet, he boldly states what the Bible demands of people. Many times, this seems to take you by surprise forcing you to examine your own life and admit your own shortcomings before you even realize you are agreeing with him. Throughout the book, George's abilities as a wordsmith created memorable quotes that cemented his ideas in my mind. I would recommend this book to everyone, regardless of age or spiritual maturity.

Christian George is a theologian disguised as a story teller. His writing is colorful and vivid, and each vignette contributes to a timeless picture of God for a new generation.

Parents and grandparents, take note. Christian George's book is not JUST
for the younger generation. It is a wonderfully honest book that is full of insights about God and how he is working in the life of an incredible
young man. I could not put it down, and I have shocked my grandchildren
and nephews by giving them a book with "sex" in the title.This is a great gift for birthdays and upcoming graduations, and you will learn a thing or two yourself. I expect to hear great things from this very "real" writer with such compelling writing skills.

This book tackles the tough questions and comes face to face with life's real issues. It leaves no room for fluffy, hollow theology. Where does our deepest pain and our deepest need meet the truth's of Christ and the promises of God? The Author dives in deep, leaving all false sense of security and Christian one-liners behind to make the real connections between the confusing, painful, poverty-stricken lives we live with the risen, redemptive and glorious life of the Savior. In a unique mix of poetic and yet common-place language we find ourselves following Jesus through the twists and turns of a life that in my mind, reflects the beautiful dance that God has orchestrated for the display of His glorious splendor.

My wife said this book was garbage. I thought it was the answer to our troubled marriage. Guess who won?

I'm really surprised at how many women are apalled by this book.

I have always been a strong-willed, opinionated, outspoken, independent woman. I am well-educated and well-spoken. I make twice the income that my husband does, and I work longer hours. I am 26 years old.

I have been married for 15 months, and the two weeks since I finished reading this book have been the best 2 weeks of our marriage... (the first 14.5 months weren't too shabby tough.)

I suggest to people reading this book, instead getting so defensive over the items which do not fit into your relationship, your idea of a woman's place in the home, etc, just look at the bigger picture, sure you may not have the time to be in full makeup and heels before your husband leaves home in the morning, but maybe you COULD at least brush your teeth and take 20 seconds to give him a passionate kiss before he's out the door. Seriously... the women in his office probably aren't running around in their sweats with fuzz still on their teeth.

By adjusting MY attitude, and MY willingness to serve in our home, it has totally transformed both of our attitudes and the way our home is run. I've totally quit nagging, and the things I used to have to nag my husband to do automatically get done, and he does it with a smile. I don't grumble anymore when I load BOTH of our dishes into the dishwasher, and I've noticed that he's made a HUGE effort to clean the table himself too!

We are more intimate now than we even were on our honeymoon... not because I'm faking a desire to be with him, (nor am I dressing up in naughty costumes), but because we have totally rewired our attitudes and we sincerely DESIRE one another more because we are happier with ourselves and each other, and feel like we are working more as a team. The first few days, I did feel like I had to WORK on my attitude... My old temper or grumbling ways would start to surface and I would choke them back down... it felt unnatural and 'fake.' That was, until about the third day, when I noticd I wasn't having to choke back my complaints and nagging, and the smile on my face was genuine, not intentional.

I really believe the reason so many women get so uptight about some of the ideas and suggestions in this book are because they hit too close to home... Because you choose to focus on yur husband's good points doesn't make you a door-mat, it makes you a happier person, and in turn makes him a happier person (and you may just notice some of those bad qualities drifting away). Have an open mind when you read this, and give it a try... We didn't think our marriage could get any better, and now we can't imagine ever going back.


The most valuable piece of advice the author offered for me, (paraphrased) "Try looking at your husband and seeing him the way a lady at his office, or a lonely female neighbor might see him." I think about this daily and it helps me see my wonderful husband for the glorious man I fell in love with.

I found a copy of this book when I was a social worker in a housing facility for the mentally ill. I found it on the shelf one day during a slow shift and I loved it so much I had to steal it. Don't talk about your feelings, your man has so much to worry about without your little concerns. Don't complain. Don't contradict. There is a pages upon pages on how not to expect your husband to be a decent lay. This book is full of material, if you're looking for ridiculous comedy. I opened to a random page just now, and saw "Let him know he's your special project in life." Who can top that? It reads like an absurd sitcom, Edith Bunker comes to mind, but the fact that she is utterly serious makes it entertaining.

The section entitled "Adapt to him" reads:
"adapt to his way of life wholeheartedly, even if he doesn't come home for weeks. When he is home, make life so attractive he won't want to leave. Don't make him feel guilty and don't complain. Instead, treat him like a kind and cater to his needs." Can you beat that if you tried? Seriously. Try. I dare you.

I'm going to keep this one on the shelf for my daughter.

As a young married woman, I picked this book up from my in-laws "lend and loan" library from their retirement clubhouse. On our trip in Florida visiting them, and on the way book, this book has provided comedic fodder for my husband, sister-in-law, and myself. It is hysterically funny to read outloud and we are going to be sending it as a gag gift to several brides to be. While some of Ms. Morgan's advice should be heeded by any woman wishing to communicate with her husband, we have all agreed that while trying to make women seem inferior and submissive, we have taken the view that Ms. Morgan has simply helped women to realize that men are inferior, incapable of change and stupid. Take this book in jest if you are ready for a good laugh.

My sister had recommended this book to me back in the 80's. It had transformed her relationship with her husband. It has had a permanent effect on my attitudes and relationship as well. I have now been married for 30 years. This book transfomed my thinking and enabled me to grow in the love for my husband. All I can say is try it--try practicing what she says and see if it doesn't change you! I think some that have been critical of the book have not really practiced it.

Ms Buth takes a brave stab at a tricky subject. My dad bought it to try to explain sex to my sister and me but handed his copy to me saying that confident talk was no substitute for reading it for myself. ... Still, it strikes me as a sound treatment and a useful guide.

As a Pastor of Children's Ministries, I frequently give away or recommend books from this series. The series provides parents with information and a strategy for presenting the material to their children. Use the recommendations as a suggestion - your child may need to hear the content sooner, depending on the exposure he/she has had from peers or others.

Ms Buth takes a brave stab at a tricky subject. My dad bought it to try to explain sex to my sister and me but handed his copy to me saying that confident talk was no substitute for reading it for myself. I guess he must have forgotten about they crude and obscene margin doodlings he made. Still, it strikes me as a sound treatment and a useful guide.

This book claims it is written for people who have problems in relationships, but it is a book for ALL relationships boyfriend, mother, father, sister and friends. This book will help you with all your relationships. It is not an easy read, but it is a page-turner. During my reading of this book, there were paragraphs so powerful, I had to close the book just to reflect on the paragraph before I moved on.

This book is a guide, it is not a 100% solution or answer to your problems. It merely shines a light on the cobwebs in your mind. You will really have to let it guide you as you search within yourself to find your answers for why you are the way you are in a relationship. It is really somewhat interactive, in that it asks you to ask yourself some pretty tough questions. It is thought provoking. It will turn the way you think about relationships upside down. Many issues, I thought I was entitled to, basically painted a grim future....

I am pretty certain, or maybe naïve, that this book has saved me from many future bad relationships, has helped me understand my past relationships with boyfriends, friends and most importantly, family. Thank god, because I ALMOST lost the love of my life, until (as cheesy as this sounds) I read this book.

Mapping the Terrain is a wonderful resource for individuals who have difficulty staying in a relationship. It looks at the six capacities of loving; erotic involvement, merging, idealization, integration, refinding, and self-transcendence. This book will help you to identify the barriers to maintaining a relationship, why this happens, and what you can do about it. A great resource for individuals who fall in love but struggle to stay in love.

This is actually a reprint of Mapping the Terrain of the Heart; The Six Capacities That Guide the Journey of Love" (Item # 0201608650). Goldbart and Wallin are the authors of the original work, not editors of an anthology. This is the best description I've ever seen of the tasks to be worked on by couples in a committed relationship. Honeymoons will go sour for reasons embeded in the forming of the relationship. It is wise to know what's ahead, so you can plan for it. At least you will not be surprised by what unfolds. The basis for my opinion is extensive reading in the field and more personal experience than there is room for me to describe. The book is well written but terse; it is not an easy read.

In my personal quest to find romantic intimacy I have read dozens of books. This is simply the most profound, dead-on, flat-out brilliant book I have ever come across. "Mapping The Terrain of the Heart" will help you clarify if your ideals of romantic love are realistic or simply serving as a defense against finding intimacy. It will help you to understand your style of relating - whether you are a "merger hungry" or "merger wary." It will help you understand how you find "chemistry" with some people while others leave you cold. It will help you to understand why what excites you is healthy and how not to simply "find" the right relationship - but to "build" it. In an extremely readable and clear way the authors explain how psychoanalytic theory is a powerfully clarifying microscope for understanding the patterns that you may find yourself limited by. I have been re-reading this book for over ten years now and have come to think of it as my "romantic compass" for finding out if I may be heading for true north, or whether I'm lost in the desert. This book has transformed my knowledge of my self and and of those I have gotten close to.
Buy this book, it will help you to find what you're looking for.
It really will.

The first thing that struck me about Mapping the Terrain of the Heart was a sense of having come home to a place that really understood and clarified the beauty alongside the struggles of committed relationships. The next thing that struck me was the sense of hope and direction to be able to thrive in a relationship that has flaws as well as fortune. And finally, I was thrilled to learn how to turn anger into empathy, disappointment into clear-eyed forgiveness, and a developing love affair into a lasting committed relationship with happiness and certainty despite the anxieties that come with human love. I have been reading and re-reading and marking up and highlighting and learning from and gifting this book ever since I was given a copy. This book works! And I am convinced it is due to the writers' encouraging belief that each of us has passion, tenderness and the capacity to love, love long, love well, love brilliantly.

i don't know what the other reviewer was going thru, but it may have something to do with the fact that this book will honestly tell you if your LDR has a shot of making it. the author knows her stuff... if you take the distance factor out of your relationship, is what you're left with a strong union in the first place?? if not, you may not make it. if you do, it's a very good sign. ladies, get this book. it's helped me so much and i've been in my LDR for almost 2 years. it is an easy read, which is great... and the helpful hints and tips make a lot of sense. highly recommend!

This book was a quick and easy read -- written by a person whose only qualification for writing the book is that she's had a long distance relationship herself. I didn't mind reading it, although I must admit I didn't learn a thing. Too bad, too. It's the only book I could find on this important subject.

A decade of M/s knowledge in one book

Both books Master/slave Relations: Handbook of Theory and Practice and
Protocol Handbook for the Leather Slave: Theory and Practice by Robert J. Rubel, PhD
Cover the same subject with a slightly different focus.

It amazes me that knowledge that took me years to learn is now available in 7 easy steps. The book can accelerate your journey into BDSM by a decade.

Protocol Handbook for the Leather Slave: Theory and Practice is exactly what it says it is. Although there is no one "right" way to practice consensual slavery, this book gets novices off to a successful start and provides additional sections, such as the slave as Personal Assistant, for seasoned Leatherfolk. Fascinating read!

This book appears to be a revised version of Rubel's book on protocols for the female slave. This version is gender-neutral and is a smoother read. Since I liked the first book so well, I've gone through this one, too. I prefer this one, actually.

This unusual book describes a male or female slave's expected behavior within a consensual Leather Master/slave relationship. I've never seen this described before. I've read novels about it (such as the Marketplace series) but not a non-fiction book.

To my knowledge, there is no other book out there like this one. After a healthy orientation to the world of Leather, the book divides into two main parts: how the slave is to behave in public Leather events and how the slave is to prepare the evening for a formal High Leather Protocol dinner.

I found this book interesting because often, particularly in new Master/slave relations, the slave is unsure what to do to serve the Master and the Master is unsure how he wants to be served. This book seems designed to help in those situations.

The author certainly has a firm point of view. This book has documented the formal structure of a Leather relationship as he has found it to be. I also sense that the author is a little eccentric. Well, his described relationship is certainly an unusual one. You will do well to think of this book as a Leather Etiquette book. If you're not familiar with the Leather culture, this will surely be an eye-opener.

Drawing heavily on his own Ms life, Rubel offers us more than mere protocols in this book. First he describes general differences between two large parts of the SM community -- Leather and BDSM (think het or poly) -- and how these groups may differ on public issues. Secondly he offers us honest and realitistic questions that we should ask if we think we want to do Ms on more than a casual or fun basis. It is not for everyone and very few people can have successful, long-term Ms relationships. Do not buy this book with the idea that you can just start applying his own rules, rituals, and concepts to your own life (you are likely to fail) but as a way to get you and anyone you may partner with thinking about very important questions.

As a companion book to "Master/slave Relations: A Handbook of Theory and Practice," Dr. Robert Rubel has a tougher time negotiating the world of submissives. As in his "Master/slave Relations" book, "Protocol Handbook for the Leather Slave: Theory and Practice," covers the basics thoroughly. In his astute introduction, Dr. Rubel makes the distinction between Leather and Not-Leather when it comes to BDSM and the D/s lifestyle, which is a truly useful reminder of what separates lifestylers from weekend warriors. The first couple of chapters go a long way toward establishing plenty of essential dos and don'ts. Frankly, most of them are just teaching your slave (or perhaps yourself) decent manners. Like in the "Master/slave Relations: Handbook," "Protocol Handbook for the Leather Slave" maintains that protocols are the key to a successful D/s relationship.

However, protocols only work if they make sense. As the book progresses, "Protocol Handbook For The Leather Slave" veers dangerously close to absurdity. For example, in Chapter Six there is a passage that reads, "In certain instances, the slave will serve as Master's chauffeur. This will include proper dress as a chauffeur, including cap and blazer." Now, if you happen to be a Master who has no concept or idea of your slave pulling the '88 Ford F-150 around to the driveway for pick-up services (or for that matter, wouldn't be caught dead with a slave in a chauffeur's get-up), then what passes for protocol here comes off as over-theatrical and perhaps even silly. Same goes for the intricately detailed dinner plans, which are a bit over the top. If I wanted to go to finishing school, I would have enrolled or my Master would have enrolled me. While High Society may be enticing behavior for some leatherfolk, not all leatherfolk engage in High Society. Some of us don't even own a tux.

Dr. Rubel does offer himself an out early in "Protocol Handbook for the Leather Slave" when he declares the origins of the book to be "my own personal manual of protocol for my own slave," and a page or so later offering "the level of detail I present may be a bit extreme in your situation." Where Dr. Rubel's "Master/slave Relations: A Handbook of Theory and Practice" is primarily a book for Dominants and stays concise to its topic, "Protocol Handbook For The Leather Slave" reads like it might be a guidebook for slaves, but comes off as Master Fantasy material - and a stuffy fantasy at that. I will restate that the first half of "Protocol Handbook for the Leather Slave" is extremely well done, there is plenty here to absorb and a great deal of very useful material (such as caring for Master's leathers and boots or levels to negotiating a Master/slave contract). However, if you're looking for the better of his two D/s guidebooks, start with Dr. Rubel's "Master/slave Relations," then come back to "Leather Slave."

I found the book predicable and predispose at best. i was given to book becasue I asked a gay associate, a lesbaian for the book. I'm a heterosexual man and a reader of books from A to Z..primarily to understand what is on the minds of authors, more so than the message of personal condemnation as a receipe to enlighten the masses as demonstrated within the contents of this book. My personal comment as such is this, if you as a partner(heterosexual) have to wonder or suspect in regards to your financee(male or female) or NOW HUSBAND or WIFE, you either don't get married ..or if are married, confront your husband or wife in regards to a truth that is discovered, and then decide as a married couple by law what is best for the marriage with all honesty. There are countless arranged marriages, which stay together for whatever reason, either there is a gay married partner, male or female, or the fact, husbands and wives have fallen out of love with their spouses and stay together for the children or financial stake at hand, where is the secret with this knowledge?> Good, bad or indifferent. However, I do believe in truth in regards to any situation, not to void the truth, also let's remember, one person truth comes at times which is not convenient for others involved, which is the consequence of it all. Why would a person lie or surpress their deepest emotion and passion for the same-sex attraction?(gay or bi-sexual) I will tell you why; This anglo-neo-traditionalism society breeding in the United States, which opposes moderernism, liberlism, radicalism, causing people in america to surpress who they are, the freedom to be without being labeled as ostentatious, these same people still want a piece of the pie as like anyone else as americans in the united states , (a home, property, etc.,) and to be sucessful tax paying citizens. This society of the america which holds all these trues evident, freedom for all and equal justice under the law doesn't hold a ring of truth. So connect the dots as related to the content of this book . All in All, I gave the book (2) stars because IMPO, it's predispose writing, when reading the book you know what the author is going to say as you approach the next page in the book. Where is the flip side of the coin within the pages of this book? Where is the understanding and underline why a situation as describe is taking place in so many marriages in america?.. as opposed to husbands labled as a monster for loving his wife, who haven't quite understoond himshelf because of the infraction of neo-traditionalism society imposed.. (2) stars, satisfied reading, but poor content descriptive format, non-formidable conclusion.

I am a gay married man who is at the crossroads of his life. After 14 years of living with a woman who is loving, kind, and understanding, I have decided to make the most difficult decision in my life to date--namely, be honest with her. After reading the book "Straight Wives, Shattered Lives," by Bonnie Kaye,I realize that the longer I withhold this truth from her, the more damage I am doing to her life. When I read some of the stories of these women in the book, I was faced with the reality of what I am doing to my own wife. I have fought these feelings of male attractions for many years. I wanted to be the husband my wife needs. I never meant to hurt her. I take my marriage vows very seriously. I married her because I was in love with her, and I still love her so much. But now I realize that I can never love her in the way she deserves to be loved--totally and completely. I know this because I have read the book "Forbidden Love With a Married Man: Email Diaries" by Dennis Schleicher. In his story, I saw the kind of relationship that I too desire with someone of the same sex. Between these two books, I realized I had to be honest with myself before I could be honest with my wife. I know my life will never be the same after I reveal this news, but I don't want to keep hiding behind a lie. Wish me luck.

Having read many books on the topic of straight spouses, I highly recommend this book. It would be especially helpful for someone in the early stages of dealing with this issue. The first book I read four years ago that helped me this much is Grevor's My Husband Is Gay. Kaye's book does not claim to be scientific, but is packed with EXPERIENCES compiled from her own doomed marriage and thousands who have traveled the same road. Also read Kaye's Doomed Grooms. I did not think Kaye needed to go into as much detail as she did about her own former sexual experiences, and she overstated and oversimplified some things, AND she needs to hire an editor to take out the typos. But in spite of those drawbacks, the book is EXTREMELY helpful for any straight spouse who is in the confusing questioning stage. I'd buy two--one to keep referring to, and one to give to a friend.

The perfect gift for my mother-in-law. It even has checklists like an issue of Redbook!

I'm involved with a married man, Bonnie has helped me tremendously in realizing the direction the relationship is heading.
Author of Forbidden Love with a Married Man; E-Mail Diaries
a memoir by,
Dennis J. Schleicher
Glastonbury, Connecticut.
Forbidden Love with a Married Man: E-mail Diaries