Sex Relationships Books

I had high expectations for this book, having come across excerpts that a friend provided in a blog as well as seeing rave reviews. It met those expectations and then some. Simply put, anyone who's in their 20s or 30s and single needs to read this book.

There were numerous times I nodded my head as I read this book, whether it was in agreement or because I identified with something. Straus does a masterful job of looking at the major influences that have led to the sorry state of romantic relationships between men and women of my generation. She outlines the Seven Evil Influences and brings them into focus throughout the book to demonstrate their impact on relationships now. Along the way, she shares many stories that illustrate the Seven Evil Influences, many of which are powerful and drive the point home very well.

I am admittedly a cynic when it comes to this matter, and after reading this book it's easy to feel that way even more so. But at the end, she tells a number of happy stories in the hope of illustrating the possibilities, and I can only hope that people in my generation will get to read them and then take heed. Admittedly, that seems to be hoping for a lot, and she intimates as much early on - but we can pipe dream, can't we?

All in all, this is well-done and a must-read, especially for singles in my generation.

If you've ever struggled with being single, this is a book you simply can't afford to miss. Using real life examples, Strauss pulls back the curtain and holds up the mirror to our entire generation. Honest, heart-felt, and helpful... this book makes you really think about what's important in life. Personally, I found it so gripping I couldn't put it down. Kudos to Jillian Strauss for writing this ground-breaking work.

as a single person i found this to be a valuable read. the author talks to lots of people and shares their thoughts on relationships. it's easy to see why so many people are single and/or have a series of unfulfilling relationships. i got a little depressed about all the "facts" that are contributing to this sad situation but at the end of the day most of it is true. at some point, i just wanted to get to the last chapter where she talks about what she learned that we can actually do to make things better. in some ways i think the book would have been better if the lessons learned would have been inserted after each chapter so the book wouldn't seem so hopeless until the very end. that said, it is a good book with lots of good stories that will help you understand some of the mistakes we've all made as well as understand the behavior of others better. i walked away having a slightly different perspective and i really did feel encoraged so for that is was 100% worth it to me. the only thing i kept thinking is that you hope that i hope the men are reading this too or else things won't change for the better so easily. it's like a quote on the back of the book says "women will read this book, but men need to." ~ greg behrendt. i guess we can only change our own thoughts and behavior...this book helps you understand why that's important if you want a lasting commitment (not a big fabulous wedding, but a lasting commitment and love that endures).

Wow, this book really nailed it as to the cultural influences that cause us to remain single. As a man that has been single and dated and struggled with whether to commit, I could relate to the - the feeling is gone, there might better, or especially, that I wanted a girl I could be close to but also be the rambuxcious player. The author said she found both traits in many men. Her chapter on Marriage Lite, about the ways that GenX tries to have companionship but avoid committment, was quite enlightening as I've done those strategies.

The last chapter, and you cannot read it until the end, is about people who successfully found love. The stories were great. One of the stories (Michael and Olivia) reminded me of the girl I'm dating. I think that has convinced me to stop this rat race of always trying find better, and staying with her.

As someone in my late 30s, when I read this book, I felt like I was reading about myself or people that I know or dated. I would say 90% of what she said was true. It helped me understand and see myself more clearly. Not only that it also gave me some valuable concepts on finding and keeping the right and long lasting mate. Here are some examples of what I noted down and tagged on my desk.

"Am I willing to become the kind of person who is capable of experiencing true love? (P. 241)

"Am I willing to think of a relationship in terms of what I can give instead of what I can get? (P. 242)

We probably have heard of these things before in several other books. But somehow reading/processing them in the context of the author's narration of how we are in this society seems to make it sink in better..at least for me.

i've only read the intro, preface, and first chapter. but already, i LOVE this book. easy to read and understand. skimming through, i look forward to what i get to read. the pictures could be better, sexier couples, maybe better quality photos. but so far, i'm relating to this book immensely.

An outstanding, well written book that points out the obvious and the not so obvious points to make your sex life better than you could ever emagine. a must read for couples starting a relationship or looking for the extra spark to make a good relationship great.

This book has some useful information but I found the photos to be very offputting. They look dated and I thought this book must have been a book from the 70's so I was surprised to discover that it is in fact published in 2003. It would have been so much better to have tasteful illustrations rather than photos, although the photos are not at all graphic, they are very "homemade" looking rather than professional.

This book contains the following sections:
Analysing your relation and attitudes to sex - I found this to be irrelevant as my relationship is very good and I was looking for a way to spice up my lovelife, not address any sexual hangups. It may however be very useful for those that do have sexual issues.
Erogenous zones, energy, the chakras, orgasm etc - This is the best section in the book. It has very thorough information and presented in a fashion that is easy to understand. This section makes the book worth it's purchase price and the reason for the three star rating.
Ideas on how to create space and good lovemaking environments and sex play etc. - This has nothing very original in it, just basic stuff.
Short section on sexual positions - This is the section with the photographs so I was quite off and could not bring myself to even go through this with my husband as the photos are not in the slightest bit arousing, nor do they stimmulate a desire to try to emulate the people in the positions. I don't think these people are good representations of real people, one of the male models had a mowhawk and others were people that most people would have no wish to see naked engaged in a sexual act; a total turn off!

All in all, this book would be good for people that have sexual issues that need addressing, but for those with reasonably good sex lives looking for added spice - this is definately not the book to get as it actually has the opposite effect...

This book is so full of excellent information! Its definitly one you want to have on your book shelf. It covers so much------excercises to build your pc muscles , how to manage your sexual energy, the spiritual side of the sexual union, and so much more. Well written, and very interesting, I found this book a real joy to read. So many books about tantra are vague, esoteric and sort of mystical---really hard to follow. I found "Soul Sex" to be very written in such a manner that is very easy to follow and understand, often times giving detailed step by step instructions. I highly recommend this book ---its opened my eyes to a whole new world!!!!

Other books on tantra left us a little disappointed. Not so with this one. Beautifully presented in a way that's easily understood and appreciated, this book provides tools and insights that we really hoped to get. The authors have created such a valuable resource here -- bravo!

Some books have fake reviews by the publisher, etc to sway the ratings. Be careful.

I bought this book from a retailer instead of the wedding planner I had intended to get that day. These are all short stories from indie brides who felt (like me) that they cannot imagine a grandiose wedding such as the Instyle/Martha wedding. Most stories are good, some are not, but if you skip them I won't tell anyone. The moral of the stories is the same: weddings are not marriages. Glad to have skipped the planner.

This book is funny, and very informative. It confirms the idea that each bride is individual whether they succumb to the pressures of the multi billion dollar bridal industry or prefer a private ceremony with their closest friends and family. I really enjoyed reading the wedding stories of these fresh new authors; a very interesting selection!

This collection of real life stories is absolutely hilarious! Almost every story leaves you chuckling a little at the rediculousness that is the wedding industry and our society. I think I could relate to something in almost every story as well. I am giving it to my sister in law who is recently engaged to help her see what people go through that she is not alone and hopefully show her how rediculous things can be and to not let it get out of control.

I'm not part of the target demographic for Altared, since I've never dreamed of "the big day" or really imagined I'd ever get married. So I'm not really sure what drove me to pick it up save for the names of some of my favorite writers, like Lisa Carver. What I liked most about Altared is that it's not just anti-bridal industry or full of horror stories, but features women grappling with both their weddings and the countless issues weddings make us question. Even when the bulk of the essay is about the actual wedding day, the authors manage to say something more profound as well. The authors certainly don't escape their own barbs or criticism, but they are ultimately hopeful and humorous (of her gay wedding, Anne Carle writs: "What I remember is panic, worry, cold feet, and sometimes total and utter numbness. A coworker asked whether I felt like Bridezilla...but I actually felt more like Groomzilla.")

Jill Eisenstadt's "To Have or Have Not: Sex on the Wedding Night" looks at a topic I'd never have thought was a question and humorously breaks down the myth that wedding night sex is a triumphant celebration. Even though there's a little bit of repetition about the evils of Bridezilla-mania, wedding magazines, and the like sprinkled throughout the anthology, those pale in comparison to the many diverse and touching stories here, from Anne Carle's "Weddings Aren't Just for Straight People Anymore" to Gina Zucker's tale of crashing her mother's wedding and Samina Ali's tale of two weddings, one arranged marriage, one chosen. Carle's piece also touches on children, who are woven throughout these essays as either future hopeful possibilities or already born family members, but her reasons for not having children with her wife, and instead opening up their circle to a wider community, made her vision of marriage and family quite an expansive one. My favorite section was "Getting Hitched," where Jacquelyn Mitchard gives any fiction writer a reason to believe in the power of words, intuition, and creative visualization in "First, Reader, I Made Him Up, and Then I Married Him." What's interesting is how for many of these women marriage and their weddings seemed to sortof spring up, rather than be endlessly plotted, making them aware only at the last minute that they have specific ideas and dreams for their big day (as do their mothers). There's a kind of lackadaisical approach, at least at the beginning, that immediately sets them at odds with their more perfection-focused peers. As they explain just when the hysteria sets in, or wryly laugh at their own ability to get sucked in, such as Janelle Brown's "The Registry Strikes Back," they show that while weddings are events that are planned (even in very brief spurts of time), part of the process can still sneak up on you.

Lisa Carver's uniquely solitary approach in her trademark style (she starts her essay thusly: "For me, getting married has always been like throwing up. I do it as alone as possible, feeling sick, drastic, and doomed.") makes for one of the best essays here, by a woman who's been there, done that, and come back again to both wedding planning and attending. Several essays such as Carver's and Lori Leibovich's, question whether being an "anti-bride" or an "indie bride" is not its own form of capitulation to opposition to the salesmanship that's been built up around weddings. And anyone who liked Julie and Julia must read Julie Powell's take on what goes into making that wedding standby, "Rubber Chicken" (hint: it's not chicken). Taken together, these essays are about, yes, weddings, but moreso about love, family, and figuring out what the essentials are when it comes to each. As Jennifer Armstrong's essay about her slowly fading, much-postponed engagement and eventual breakup, sometimes the best wedding of all is the one you don't have.

If you want a complete massage book to suprise your significant other with, this is the one for you. When I received the book, I was shocked at the completeness of it. It will give you and your mate hours of pleasure. The book is extremely detailed with every massage technique needed to make your mate beg for more. This is a must have for anyone who wants to give a better massage.

One simply can't run out of inventive and wonderfully pleasurable routines in this lovely book. It's massage from A to Z with an emphasis on sensuality. All the instructions are very clear and, thanks to the inspiring photos, easy to learn.

If you want a complete massage book to suprise your significant other with, this is the one for you. When I received the book, I was shocked at the completeness of it. It will give you and your mate hours of pleasure. The book is extremely detailed with every massage technique needed to make your mate beg for more. This is a must have for anyone who wants to give a better massage.

As a serious student of massage and its pleasures, I was delighted to discover this classic text. The longest Inkeles book, this volume takes the time to explore sensual possibilities everywhere on the body.

The updated preface gives a fascinating look into the author's world, and his experiences with readers who have benefited from massage.

This book is terrific. You can be doing a sensual mssage an hour after you pick it up. I speak from personal experience. And you can continue to learn for a long time afterwards, trying new tecniques that will delight your partner. The many tips on health benefits are an unexpected bonus. I'm another fan of the photography, which shows sensual massage at its most beautiful. There are so many extras, including complete instructions on building your own massage table! Finally, I like Inkeles' style and his way with words. The book just feels good to use.

I was looking for a book that was simple, easy, and to the point. This book has WAY too much information; which is often hard to comprehend. Also, the pictures are really out-dated. This book was not helpful for me to learn about sensual massage.

Excellent book for couples! Would highly recommend. The shipping took awhile and there was no reduction on the shipping amount even though the delayed shipping was at the fault of the distributor...only complaint but it has NOTHING to do with the book itself.

This astonishing book is a whole lot more than just a reprint of the Forrests' earlier classic. They discuss the astrology of relationships in so much depth and with such detail, and with such positive, affirming attitudes, that I know I'll refer to this book over and over again. The "cookbook" stuff alone is worth the cover price--what it means if your Venus squares your mate's Sun and all that--but most of all it's the spirit behind this work that is so precious, that committed love can truly work in this day and age, and that it can be improved.

If Shakespeare's lovers had had this book, things might not have ended so badly...

"Skymates" doesn't tell you that if you're a Cancer, you should never marry a Scorpio. The Forrests respect our freedom to choose our mates; they use astrology -- with humor, intelligence, and compassion -- to help us make the best of the relationships we have.

Early in the book, Chapter Two offers a quick overview of the building blocks of astrolgy: signs, planets and houses -- this way, one doesn't have to be a certified professional astrologer to use "Skymates."

The Forrests then cover in-depth the houses that make up the Arc of Intimacy and detail the significance of having planets in those houses.

After that, they move into the synastry portion of the book, touching briefly but not boringly on the mathematics of calculating aspects, then what the various major aspects mean: conjunctions, oppositions, trines and squares. Configurations are covered in a sizeable "cookbook" section where couples can look up their charts: Your Mars is square your partner's Mars -- what does that mean? Look it up and find out!

They put it all together using famous artistic pairings: Roger Daltrey and Pete Townshend of The Who, and Scott and Zelda Fitzgerald.

Anyone interested in improving his or her own relationships should pick up a copy of this book.

I've always loved my copy of the Forrests' earlier version of Skymates, which has become kind of a collectors item since it went out of print years ago. I kept having to get it back from friends I'd loaned it to. I ordered the new one, not sure if it could be very different. But it's a major re-write with lots of new material. The best part for me are the huge "cookbook" sections where you can just look up what it means if your Venus conjuncts somebody else's Saturn and so forth. Their writing style is mostly simple and easy to understand, but their interpretations are the deepest and the most "real" I've ever seen anywhere. There's a long section about F Scott Fitgerald and Zelda Fitzgerald that actually made me cry, it was so beautiful. That part also shows how to put all the details and techniques the authors describe into a kind of "big picture," so you're left with more than a head full of unconnected ideas. They've got some past-life stuff in the book too - the soul-reasons behind certain issues a person might have in relationships. Everybody will have to make up their own mind about that, but it all rang really true for me. This is the synastry book I've been waiting for. I recommend it totally.

The book is filled with astro-psycho-babble, but there are also many perceptive insights. Just don't expect too much detail. For example, when discussing synastry aspects, the authors do not give individual descriptions of the effects of conjunctions, trines, squares and oppositions, but rather group them under the blanket headings of "flowing" or "challenging" aspects. Likewise, when discussing the effect of one partner's planets falling in another's houses, the authors do not discuss the unique impact of specific planets, but rather give a blanket interpretation for what it means for any of Partner A's planets to be in Partner B's 1st house, for example. So you see, there is not a lot to sink your teeth into here unless you are a beginner at synastry. This book is worthwhile for some of its insights, especially considering the dearth of good books about synastry, but it's better for beginners and starry-eyed astro-karma enthusiasts than for the medium or advanced practical astrologer.

Ms. Millner is very confused. First she recommends finding a spiritual man, then she says that women must sleep with men after the 3rd date or risk losing him. I stopped reading the book after that. Any god-fearing man that demands sex after the third (or any other) date should be dumped! Want a better book? Try "First Class Single". Throw Sistahs' Rules in the trash.

This is books is not the secret to getting a man or anything. However, you may read some things that can change how you go about getting into relationships. I just took this as a good read, and the "African-American" version of the other rules books out on the market. It's cute.

As a single sistah, I thoroughly enjoyed this book. Not only did it make me laugh, it made me think. I think that Denene gave some really good advice, and I recommend it wholeheartedly to young sistahs everywhere. Keep up the good work Denene!!

I get nervous when general cultural phenomenoms, like woman finds husband, have to be reinterpreted for black people. I don't see the dating game any different for black women as it is for anyone else in the mainstream. Demand high standards and you either get them or your time won't be wasted.

I find the advice in this book to be contradictory. On the one hand we are told to consider men who don't make a lot of money since rich (black) men may not have morals, but then we are told he's a keeper if he wears Armani suits. Well, that's alright then.

In the author's constant quest to convince us to prioritize asset challenged men on our dance cards, the author tells us about the (bitter) sweet tale of her parents: Her father who is an honest, hardworking yada, yada man who married her mother. Thirty years later, while he's paying two mortagages and a few other necessities, the author tells us her 57 year old mother still has to work to make ends meet. And, she's very happy, the author reassures us. What I want to know, what is that second mortgage that her father is paying on for?

In one chapter, the author tells us that black men don't like women who play games. She doesn't define game playing, but I define it as doing something that you don't want to do at that moment but will do for some long term gain. The author makes a direct attack on The Rules (by Sherrie Fein and Ellen Schneider). The author doesn't agree that one should turn down a Saturday night date on Wednesday; but she does advocate turning down a Saturday night date by Friday at lunch time. What should I do then if I want to see this guy on Saturday night and he has called just after I have eaten my lunch?

She also advises women to leave the guy's house immediately after you have sex with him. The reason she gives for this is that you will show him what a strong independent woman you are. Excuse me? Has she contemplated the security risk that she has created for anyone who wants to do a runner in the night? And wouldn't this also be classified as 'game playing' as most people prefer semi-civilized habits like sharing breakfast after doing the deed and before parting. Ultimately,though if anyone is still worried that the other may consider their sex partner clingy and needy, may be sex just shouldn't occur in the first place. Funny, that the author didn not consider that option.

This is an awful book. It does nothing to increase the self-esteem of black women. She never advocates interracial dating (in fact, she advises us to set our targets lower because black men don't make as much money as white men do) but then if she did, the book may not have been published. I just don't particularly care for being put into a group of `special needs.'

For the record, I am a black American and I don't need to validate what I have just written by telling you what level of education that I have attained or that I am a corporate lawyer or that I am pursuing any other profession.

Another piece of bad literature (or bad "advice") that takes advantage of the plight of the insecure black woman simply to make money.

'The Decline of Males' is one of those rare books that, if the argument is understood, promises to radically alter your way of looking at the world. That alone should justify it being described as an important work and undoubtedly should be attracting greater and more serious attention than it so far has. Lionel Tiger, a respected professor of Anthropology at Rutgers University, applies his discipline as well as the lens of Darwinism, to the massive social and political changes that have occured in the last few decades. In particular, the transformation in the overt political and economic power enjoyed by women, a radical and quite remarkably rapid change in the fumdamental way that men and women had lived unshaken for thousands of years in every corner of the globe and yet which is now beginning to crumble even in such macho refuges of patriarchy as Latin America. Only the Islamic world seems to have the spirit or the will to resist.

Tiger puts most or all of this change down to one event; the innovation and widespread use of the contraceptive pill in the 1960's. For the first time in human history, men have been excluded from the reproductive process, leading to a loss of faith in the paternity of their mate's offspring, a consequent reluctance to 'commit' and therefore a need for women to enter the labour market and political sphere in order to ensure that adequate care for their children is obtained.

Thus Tiger has reduced feminism, that great bedrock of our contemporary assumption to have made social and liberal 'progress', to a sexual trade union movement fighting not for high minded notions of equality or fairness but for the primitive sexual and reproductive interests of women. This is something that I, for one, have believed to be obvious for a long time, yet it is not something I had ever seen explicitly claimed in print before.

Tiger's language is not quite as brutal as mine, but not only does he see feminists and women simply reacting semi-consciously to a technological innovation the consequences of which could not have been foreseen, he sees feminism as something that has almost been forced upon women. The reviewer below writes that the changes in society can be explained by such things as looser morals, decline of religion etc. To be fair, if the book can be faulted, it is that perhaps Tiger does not articulate his argument quite sharply enough. Each step can appear lost amongst all the references and studies and it is not always clear to discern why the loss of male faith in paternity is so obvious or inevitable. It seems to me that the pill has led to women becoming more promiscuous and yet women have found that instead of sexually liberating themselves, it has liberated men from the obligation or desire to commit to any unplanned pregnancy. This has led to the rapid need for women to enjoy political and economic 'equality' with men.

Granting that the 'loss of faith in paternity' part of Tiger's argument is not presented as clearly as it could be, I don't think it degrades the fact that the broad sweep of what he is claiming is not only plausible but of fundamental importance. He has identified the fact that the control of the means of sexual reproducation has shifted from men to women and persuasively claimed that this is a better model for explaining social change than even the Marxist notion of ownership of the means of economic production. Whether or not this change in sexual reproduction is down wholly to the pill, indeed even to be defined in terms of the pill, or rather simply the fact that the sexual mores of the human race are now decided by feminists in actual government or in the lobby groups that they dominate, Tiger's thesis remains a whole new way of looking at contemporary politics and social change, politically incorrect and uncomfortable though it may be.

The book is now nearly a decade old and yet it seems astonishing that there has been no follow up, either from other academics following where Tiger has tread, or by the author himself. I had a thousand questions in my head after finishing it, questions of the type that surely it would be an intellectual crime not to pursue. For example; does the book's thesis explain certain puzzling features of feminism, such as why western feminists are so silent about Islam and the 'subjegation' of their sisters in the Islamic world? Beliving that modern feminism is simply a sexual trade movement borne of an unforeseen necessity, in my opinion, does explain the massively lopsided importance feminists place on such things as banning prostitution and pornography whilst doing absolutely nothing about the daily treatement of women in the Islamic world, for example stoning to death of women for adultory or being whipped for showing an uncovered face. Perhaps women are indeed largely content under Islam because they can be sure that their reproductive needs will be supported, and that is all most women really want.

'The Decline of Males' could be the birth of a much needed men's movement. It surely should at least transform gender studies from it's present role of self-pitying litany of complaints against men into something that tries to honestly apply scientific discipline to the analysis of society. Lionel Tiger's book represents an exemplary model account of social change rooted in the competing sexual interests of male and female that are the undeniable mechanisms that lie behind every other primate society.

this is whining of a group that in the recent past were masters of all they surveyed, and now they have been given a reality check and been deposed from the position of lord and master of the house. now men aren't sure what their "role" is--i guess they can't think of any other way to be men than to financially lord it over their wives and children. the author thinks teenage women should have children and claims that is when they are at the height of their reproductive years. i guess he never saw the study that showed that women are not fully biologically developed, even at 17 and 18, and that having a child while still a teenager is dangerous both to the mother and the baby with an increased risk of miscarriage and infant mortality. my mother grew two inches when she was 18 and pregnant with my older sister--a clear case of two babies trying to grow at the same time. but i don't think mr. tiger thinks in terms of safety for anything but his ego--and keeping women barefoot and pregnant, and unable to go to college and have a career, and dependent on a man for support, keeps women from threatening the male ego. and if the man actually stays and supports his young wife and children, fine and great, but i think it is men that are conflicted about the role of provider and breadwinner. they want to be the big cheese but when the going gets tough they take off and lolita and the baby get to depend on the state for support. i just think that men should walk their masculine talk or shut up and stop whining like sissies. at the end of the book we get a parting jab at feminists-they are "immature" and "paraniod". however nobody sounds more immature and paranoid than these lost confused man-children.

Is an animal a product of nature or nurture? Scientists know that in reality such a question is misleading, an animal is a product of both nature (genetics) AND nurture (environment). However, when discussing men and women, the political class seems to believe that men and women are purely the product of nurture. In this interesting book, author and anthropologist Dr. Lionel Tiger tries to put nature back in.

Moving from topic to interesting topic, Dr. Tiger shows how the male domination of the species could collapse so completely in such a short period of time. Karl Marx suggested that workers were dominated because of their alienation from the means of production, but in this book Dr. Tiger suggests that the invention of the birth control pill has alienated men from the means of reproduction, and has changed the very nature of the male/female interaction.

Overall, I found this to be an interesting book. The author provides some absolutely fascinating insights into human nature the battle of the sexes. What's wrong with this book, though, is that the author moves from topic to topic without ever coming to a definitive conclusion, giving the book an unfinished feel. Also, I must say that I could not understand his seeming defense of single-motherhood, at the same time that he criticizes divorce. I mean, if his "civilized bureaugamy" (unmarried mothers and children supported by taxes on the rest of society, including men who never fathered children) is a good idea, then why is he against governmental collection and disbursement of child support payments (p.257)?

But, that said, I did find this to be an interesting and thought provoking book, and I am glad that I read it.

I have my students read chapters from this book in my class in Biopolitics. Undergraduate men like it--a Men's Bible so to speak. A lot of passions are aroused in classroom conversations.

The "pill" may be the major technological innovation behind expanding female reproductive autonomy, but there's a lot of other stuff too, a lot of it mentioned in the book. What percentage of otherwise fertile women use the pill? Other methods of contraception? My guess is that it is women's increasing education and better health, parcel of modernization, that is driving increased contraception, and reducing the birth rate, as women facultatively shift from r-strategists to K-strategists. So the fertility rate declines generally, especially among women with more education who tend to marry at a later age.

Tiger wrote before the phenomenon of sexually antagonistic coevolution became widely known, but what he writes about seems to amount to the cultural expression of this phenomenon. Look to the promiscuous fruit flies. There are advantages and disadvantages to both sexes from promiscuity. I suppose for the female fruit fly, she gets sexy sons. But there are costs, including the dangers she suffers from intense male-male competition for mates and problems associated with multiple insemination. Human equivalents? Physical and mental abuse due to male sexual jealousy; risk of STDs. For males, there are also pluses and minuses to short term mating, detailed by Buss (1999). Plural marriages and monogamy also have their advantages and disadvantages for both sexes.

Humans are moderately polygynous. That's clear enough from the degree of sexual dimorphism. Promiscuity has been around, but it's not the main thing, as Murdock pointed out long ago.

In may view, Tiger has hit the nail on the head in terms of identifying increases in female reproductive autonomy as being of enormous social significance. Culture plainly changes more rapidly than human biology, so as he notes we can anticipate a bad fit between the former and the latter. How will it all play out?

Don't know! Some reviewers have commented that men seem befuddled by it all. As Henry Ford once remarked, however, Don't complain, don't explain. Men may continue to believe, perhaps correctly, that women's habits don't change that quickly either, and that in the end they will prefer "tough" guys who will give them "sexy" sons. It would be nice if they had a lot of $$$$ too! If women with a lot of education are disappointed, it may be that they cannot have it all--there just aren't that many men who are both r (real handsome, masculine, and sexy) and K (smart with a ton of $$$$). There it is!

Footnote. Spending some time and observing what goes on in lower class neighborhoods in City of Detroit (daughter lives in one, albeit one of the better ones), the average suburbanite would be startled by it all. Young men urinating in the street. Drug dealers pursuing delinquent accounts at 65+ miles per hour down residential streets. Foreclosed houses with stuff piled on the curb. Teens pushing stolen cars down the street to places where they can safely strip them. High decibel rap music. Random gunfire. Pit bulls pulling on their leashes. Bars on windows and doors. Most adult, married, employed, law abiding men would not put up with it, but unfortunately there are just not a lot of them in this part of the City. And like Iraq, a few thugs have taken charge, and the instinct of self-preservation has taken hold. Is something wrong here? Single parenthood isn't all that great, whatever it's causes.

Enough.

Lionel Tiger's c1999 text "The Decline Of Males" is a socioeconomic study of late 20th Century gender roles. The slightly pedantic study is detailed, well referenced and addresses global trends while concentrating on Western society.

Professor Tiger argues that men's aptitudes (hunter/maintainer/heavy lifter) are devalued in post-industrial society. This is true in affluent petroleum-energized society, but men's aptitudes regain value as economic conditions worsen and petroleum prices rise. And senior women (usually) lose physicial stamina earlier than senior men (e.g., osteoporosis). Senior women often need heavy lifters.

Women choosing to live without a long-term male partner might require paid assistance during their senior years, a potentially costly lifestyle decision. And children raised without a male parent's guidance must learn some of life's lessons themselves.

I found this book very interesting, albeit not as illuminating as his previous work, "If men could talk", which, as a male heterosexual, I found really gave us a lot of cues about why we act as we do. Nevertheless, I think Alon Gratch does a very good job at introducing psychological concepts that other books of this kind do not deal with, withougt necessarilly having to have majored in psychology, while at the same time, he doesn't treat you as a dummy. Thank you Allon, im waiting for your next work.

I just finished this book and have reccomended it to all my friends- married, single, never-married, and separated/divorced It applies to so many kinds of relationships in addition to its main focus partner relationships . I will keep this as a reference!

Whether you are disgusted with dating, thinking about dating, already dating, or in a long-term relationship (regardless of whether you believe there is room for improvement in that relationship), buy this book now, read it, and re-read it. It is dense with invaluable insight and practical action plans. The primary theme is ambivalence ... how no person is perfect, and no person is even perfect for another person (the scene in Goodwill Hunting notwithstanding); to succeed in a relationship we must learn to accept our ambivalence about the other person and that person's ambivalence about us. This book describes various patterns commonly found in troubled relationships and even in relationships that might seem to be succeeding, but which could be more rewarding and secure. The author walks you through how to confront your buried ambivalence and make some changes in your own expectations of yourself and your partner and how you interact with your partner. You cannot change the other person, and you probably cannot change yourself; but you CAN change your behavior and your way of interacting with each other once you understand the source of your conflict and discomforts.

This book may have been the thing that kept my marriage together. I am used to relationship help books that typically give traditional wisdom and comon sense. This book provided a much more in depth analysis of the reason relationships fail. I have read many books like this, being in the psychology field and hold a B.A. in Psychology, but this is one of the books I wish i had before I was married. The author clearly has a developed sense of cognitive-behavioural psychology and impliments many case studies throughout the book. If you are in any type of relationship that is heading down hill and there is a wish to salvage it, or if you know someone that is going to get married i highly recomend getting this book to read and give.

This is my 1st review, so it carries a kind of desire....a hope...a feeble attempt to recommend a book. Please excuse the etiquettes broken of this site,or the writing style, I'm untrained.

You should buy this if you want a good relationship writer who seems to have a male perspective that is presented well enough that it can clarify some of what might be going on in a love relationship...if you are a woman and struggling with relationships that helps.
I picked this up because I did read and really love "If Men Could Talk" his work there was excellent.

But what of this book?
Well what I liked was that the introduction explored the idea of "love." When we engage in relationships he suggests we do so to fulfill/fix our early life needs. He suggests "love" in other life aspects is about giving and acceptance, as in that love we feel for our children,he suggests broadly to often in today's inter personal dynamics that "love" as it works in relationships is bent/distorted into getting over giving. Love becomes how another fulfills me (me, me me,me) over the process of how can I better be here in this giving of self...and there is a lot to that.

It has a kind of sophistication I can't relay this is such a pedestrian review...and so then through seven patterns that are introduced by a myth, Greek, you are invited to look at patterns that emerge in relating in love and relationships in our life leading towards examination of that early stuff.How it moves you around ultimately into very unfufilling, unhappy, hurtful things.

In his three step therapeutic process that identifies this, resolves ambivalences and then finally seeks work on the relating in this love without the illusions.... you can find a kind of daily satisfaction, harmony. It has wonderful points.

He presents the various patterns with such writing skill. Gratch is a very good writer....using examples of patients to move you through a point he is making by giving something concrete to represent it. So you start to realize what you brought to a situation, and why it is not working so well.

Gratch made me look at some of my stuff why I was attracted as I was and so on, it was uncomfortable, sure, it was helpful.

Here's why I read this three times. Several years ago I got a computer and started writing here and there, I was within a on-line context approached and then happily chatted with someone. I was married but in a deafeningly difficult thing for me so bitter and so dead that it was causing me to die literally and figuratively for want of a closeness and love but I didn't see it or say it...it was there only as a chair is there, plus carrying the abuse of childhood, carrying that into what I do relating, again invisible patterns set so young in the brain, in the being. So due to cancer, poor marriage skills, poor skills, feeling very low esteem and having given up on the parts of myself one might call the sexual/feeling/sensual needs I had this blind happy, joking, sexually suggestive boisterous, inappropriate person- suggesting meeting and things that seemed full of possibility, of a me again. He said he loved he, or maybe he might, he was opening doors I thought...it had an intoxicating flavor but it carried rules and walls. Do's and don't, lots of red flags.
Gratch has examples like mine that make me feel so small and so blind so lost and so embarrassed. So completely idiotically naive. I'm not sure if it is so good to find yourself lost in that. But he is kind enough in this reality cold water wash. Lots. I was 45. Knowing I was overweight and no way another would in a real world ever, ever "want" me. This relating on-line was sexualized actually a bit in tender way, not extreme, but it was a kind of escape, it flattered, it kind of brought me a giddiness and happiness. It was secret and surreal. I was not thinking. Not in the way this book requires.

He would note that, Gratches book made me note all of this for what it is, not what I would want it to be. So this male was secretive, pulling me into places I had no idea where I was really, controlling and I think kind of sexually acting out over a wife and who knows what, that brought him into my spaces. Maybe he was satisfied he had this as he dealt in a difficult or stressing life...or maybe it was as he later said "I need this relationship to be a distraction." He needed a place to play. And he carried that to someone who got seriously hurt. In an unfair exchange.
No matter now later my intention I'm hurt and I'm not integrating it. I was too vulnerable, too open.
Narcissism, idealization....flight of unreal.Theses ae Gratch terms to understand. And he suddenly rather meanly over a holiday and at a time I needed support in hard life stuff ( his pattern) withdrew.There was a casualness to this a way of leveling this to something like a mereness that was the hardest aspect. It was just so out of proportion for me.
It hurt and then it re-engaged. And some of that was so hard to even decipher. But the messages of escape and distance and the feeling of being judged for my beliefs or a failure on my part to be "right.' that was there. It felt awful with calculation and a "plan" so held on the other end. The odd thing is there is so much that is right, I felt/feel such affinity and want and so much that I want there. Anyone would.He was Gratch would say in my mind created so, my friend said so but I don't think so. I'm that gone.

He said he can't be in something he can't "talk about."Among so many things....things that are personal. Yet he is in this secret thing contradiction reigned here...... he listed to me all the reasons I wasn't worth it...that was cruel actually.
Well I didn't understand my feelings and why this happened or why he did what he did or any of it.I may never tryly understand. I lost my heart here. I feel it everyday.
I felt I suppose guilt and love and confusion and self doubt and grief and ultimately it reinforced what has been the lifelong message. No one would want to be around you. And be engaged romantically.
In a way it projected onto me to carry his issues....sort of like the dump.

So I read his book. Saw some things that are my issues.I do think ultimately that I found a soul connection in this man on-line. Stupid you say...he would Gratch, gently point out, but I will own that.. And then in the book Gratch would show me the illusions I am operating under. He would open up the book of "get real."

I, myself, have lost myself in all of this and this book has been helpful in understanding this. It isn't therapy, it's about therapy which one would need here, what he does for his living is more complex than I write here just as my situation is poorly presented here... and what one can consider as they are involved in love is in this book as working towards solving these puzzles. What I gained is a better understanding of why I lapsed this way. Needing love and needing healthier ways to love I saw from my interpreting that people are beings wired to care for or need to be cared for to try this to survive in very harsh and frightening lives. Anxiety ultimately seemed to be my "friends" reason to need to be completely removed from any context with me.I have it too. I induced the anxiety of threatening the security of whatever tradeoffs he made...in other words I wasn't worth the anxiety and the space I took psychologically wasn't anything more than a source of grief, pain....I wasn't something that brought love and joy.That gave me pain, great pain. He stated all this....and I am aware this triggered my justifying myself, trying to get another result. I could not just step up and say....I'm worth a lot more than this. And asking for whys and talk, how pathetic of me. He can't do it and he can't understand what he caused.

Boy did that hurt to face that, and Gratch in his descriptions of a male actioning his feelings explained to me that the purpose for doing this for this friend was more as a way to concretize hs own needs for intimacy with a spouse. I took on actually his angers with that other person, and I see that I was just this irrelevant flat third being not allowed to be out of a type space. The cowardice I saw, the lack of explanations, the avoidance aren't something we'd ever, ever, ever do to someone we loved, so I was this being, really as a whore. The choices all protected the loved one, not there for me really just there tearing at my obvious weaknesses, I was carrying the needs for the other kind of thing, sexual, not worth the time to relate. not real. Just a diversion.Could that be?

And Gratch addressed this very well for me. The hurt and damage this did he did not "fix." But I do get some insights. And that was in my case extremely valuable.

Read this book, look at your relating with a desire to really see yourself. It might bring to focus patterns allowing you to move into something not as I did, with more awareness and with more realistic and productive results. You might find him therapeutic.